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happy and depressed
I dont know if any of you know about "The Secret", a film about happiness, but I was a strong advocator and supported of the belief that we all need to be happy. Ever since 10th grade I have been a happy, upbeat, smiling person. Nothing phased me, I gave lots of advice here to others about happiness.
That was then. Now, I am about to start college at a great university, Ive already met so many people its all exciting. Yet I am so utterly stressed and miserable. I don't understand why! Actually, I do... but I dont know what to do about it.
See the thing is, I used to date this guy last year, we were together for 6 months, I loved him but wasnt head over heels or anything. We broke up june last year. I was OK. Really.
January of this year he came back to me with a million promises and I'm sorry's and i love yous. Stuff like i still love you, i cant be without you my life isn't complete etc etc. He made 1000 promises that hed changed and hed never take me for granted... i took him back.
Needless to say after enough time, he broke his many promises. He doesnt mean to but he is lazy, he is inconsiderate towards me, he does take me for granted, and weve been through SO SO much together its a little ridiculous. We were in a terrible car accident on the highway he ended up having to get surgery, and even though I was also hurt in it, I helped him heal, stayed with him through his rages of being in pain, gave him support, loved him. Now that hes getting better hes putting me in the shadows. When he was sick I understood, he was in pain, but he says the pain is making him not be the best boyfriend. Well he can do things and go out and be a certain way with other people, but not with me??? Hes so selfish and I'm constantly trying so hard to make him better because he is still healing yet I find I am so miserable in my day to day life. I'm making preparations to go to college, and have fun and I cant enjoy it to the fullest because somewhere along the lines of this relationship I lost myself. I lost my ability to be happy because I fell in love with a man that doesn't consider my feelings. He just sees his... I tell him and he reverts to the fact that hes the one in pain and hes suffering, etc. But when it comes to other things hes ok... I just dont know anymore, I had a fight with him the other day, and told him hes never going to change, and he just goes "what are you saying? you want to end it???" And i cant. I want to but I dont want to. i love him, but it hurts me to be with him... and to make it worse the other day we were at a friends birthday party and he was in pain again and because of that got drunk and i was driving him home when he started telling me how I was right, and he didnt deserve me, and i shouldn't be treated the way he treats me and all these things about how much he loved me and im an angel and hes going to change. But today, him sober, i asked if he remembered and told him what happened and hes back to his old self where only his feelings matter. My friends and family are all telling me its time to end it, and I know it, but we still both love each other SO much.... i just dont know what to do anymore... please any advice????
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hi dear miss sunshine,
get rid of him.you have pinpointed clearly that he is the cause of your misery.so the best thing is to remove him totally out of your life.you will be back to normal.
the biggest problem is when a guy says I love you.and then starts using us for their selfish ends.i was a girl who never looked at guys,until one day,a guy came and said i love you!he caused me a lot of pain.i actually fell in love!u know what i did?in spite of enormous pain and heartbreak,i ditched him,within a month.
this guy isnt worth the trouble you are going thru.i mean it,and am telling you,get rid of him.otherwise,u will get more trapped,you will feel like helping him,he will say more i love yous,be inconsiderate towards you again and again,and use you to get his work done.gosh,you are smart girl,now use your brains and get rid of him.and tell me the good news!!
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If you can't trust this guy but decide to be with him anyway, it will bite you in the behind later. When you don't fully forgive someone for all they've put you through, it ends up in your every thought and you're always wondering what he's doing, where he's going, and who he's with. Men usually deflect blame so that you feel like its all your fault. Men like that are not worth it. If your friends and family are telling you its time to end it, they're most likely right. Its hard to let go of something from the past and look to your future, but its for the best. You have a lot of good times ahead of you, you're just starting college! There are plenty of good looking, NICE guys in college and all around, you just have to be patient and not pick the first one that shows the slightest bit of interest! Play the field, you're too young to settle down already and be with someone you can't trust. There's going to be plenty of guys in and out of your life, and although change is scary, you learn from each and every one of your experiences, to carry them with you and not make the same mistakes again. But, don't trouble your future boyfriends with problems from the past. Don't make all your boyfriends suffer from what this one did to you. It IS time to let him go, and it's sad, and it hurts..but eventually you will be okay, and happy. And then, out of nowhere, you will find a good one. All it takes is a little patience
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