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I can't stand my moms boyfriend.
seriously, I can't stand him.
he has NO personality, you try to joke with him he takes it seriously & gets mad.
he doesn't get along with my sister & he's completely ruined the relationship between my mom & my sister.
his wife died in 2005, his wife & my mom were best friends before she died. now he's dating my mom, I lost all respect for him after that.
He smokes in the house ALL the time, he knows I don't like it, my mom tried talking to him about it, to try and take it outside but all he said was "I was smoking in the house before she moved in, so she'll just have to learn to get used to it."
My mom used to never drink before she dated him, now she drinks all the time & also smokes.
he's only home for 4 days, then goes back to work for 4 days he works on the ship channel.
when he's home though he hogs my mom all to himself, I asked my mom if she wanted to go walking with me, he was sitting right there & asked my mom to stay home for the rest of the movie, then after that wanted to take her out to drink.
he's rude to both me & my sister & my mom doesn't realize it. my sister went to prom this year she got her prom picture & gave one to my mom, it was a magnetmy mom showed her boyfriend & all he said was "atleast they look half normal" my mom just laughed.
everytime I try to talk to her about how I feel she doesn't listen, she thinks her boyfriends perfect, & she thinks he treats her better then my dad ever did. i've tried accepting their relationship, but he just annoys me soo bad.
He's also super boring to talk to, I was in 5th grade & I asked him for help on my homework it was a simple problem that he could've answered in 2 minutes, NO he goes from talking about my math problem to knots in a boat I didn't get my answer until 2 hours later.
what do I do? I don't want them dating anymore, my mom is really pretty & she's really funny, and he's the complete opposite. she can do way better not just look wise, but personality wise also.
PLEASE HELPPP.
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OK I'll be the asshole.
You may not like this guy but it seems he is making your mom happy. Your complaints actually come off as sounding like your are just jealous. Maybe I am missing something. Lets take it one point at a time.
He has no personality. OK. Your mom evidently gets along with him fine. Just don't joke with him if it upsets you. He isn't your date after all.
Why do you lose respect for a guy who is dating your mom just because his wife and your mom were friends? Were they dating before his wife died? If not I don't see why that would make him a bad person. Your mom probably helped him through a rough time in his life. They both lost a good friend. It was 5 years ago. Life goes on.
Smoking in the house may indeed be rude. Sounds to me as if you all moved into HIS house. Unless
your mom said I won't move in unless you smoke outside... Its his house. Only thing you can do is possibly talk mom into moving out. Its not like they are married.
If you don't like your moms smoking and drinking, by all means discuss it with her. However, keep in mind that she is a grown woman and will ultimatley do whatever she wants.
His hogging your mom is just a ridiculous thing to say. You said your self he is gone 4 days and then home 4 days. It stands to reason he would want to be with her when he is home. While he is gone...you hog her. Its really a bit rude to ask someone to go walk with you while they are in the middle of watching a movie anyway. He was right to tell your mom to finish watching the movie.
Look at some old prom pictures online sometime. People tend to look utterly ridiculous. Be glad the prom pics looked halfway normal. Its a good thing.
Here is what you need to do. Grow up. Accept the relationship. Be happy that he makes your mom happy. Frankly, you will soon be living your life. So, why not be happy knowing mom is happy too? You don't have to be best friends with the guy. You don't even have to like him if you don't want to. All you have to do is show some respect, after it all, it sounds like he is taking care of your family. And just get along as best you can with him. If that means you ignore him some, so be it.
***************feedback edit*********************
YOUR FEEDBACK
You have no idea what you're talking about. I asked a question to get help, not to be told that I need to grow up and that i'm jealous. 1) i'm not jealous, I just find there relationship a bit messed up her boyfriend was my dads bestfriend, and his wife was my moms best friend and then his wife died, in any circumstance its messed up to get with your friends boyfriend/husband. 2) who smokes after a loved one died from lung cancer? Thats just idiotic. 3) my sister isnt ugly, she looked very pretty in her prom picture, he just doesnt like my sister and thats why he said that! 4) I asked my mom to go walking with me first, I think I deserve a little time with her too, especially since they were going to go out that night, I want 30 minutes of her time then he could have her. 5) I dont hog her to myself when he's gone she's got 3 other kids shes responsible for. 6) you really are an asshole & you dont know shit. You suck at giving advice.
MY RESPONSE..........
Believe it or not I WAS being helpful. One day when you are all grown up instead of the selfish little child you are now, you will understand that. People can tell you what you want to hear all day long. That is kissing your ass NOT helping you. I am not an ass kisser. Fact: Your mother and her boyfriend are grown ups. YOU will not change their feelings for each other. If you do not change YOUR attitude, you will continue to be miserable.
1. The whole you can't date so and so's boyfriend/girlfriend is high school crap.
The real world is not high school. The mans
wife is dead. Your mom and dad, sad as it is
are no longer together. So, weather or not you think it is messed up...its their lives not yours.
2. Idiotic or not people smoke after loved ones die all the time. My dad died of lung cancer. I still smoke. Know why? Because even though he was
a smoker, his cancer was caused by the chemicals
he worked with everyday for over 30 years. Just because the government wants everyone to believe that smoking causes all the cancer in the world..it doesn't. Its just another lie to get people to stop smoking. Believe as you wish. smoking is by no means good for you. But if you think people just stop because someone else dies
from cancer...you're living in a dream world.
3. Looking "halfway normal" is a far cry from saying your sister looked ugly. If he said she was ugly then you should have worded your question differently. He made a comment. You, as
I believe is common with you, took it the wrong way and heard what you wanted to hear.
4. You said "asked my mom to stay home for the rest of the movie" If you wanted to go for a walk you should have asked before the movie. If you did she must not have wanted to go for a walk. Thats a mom thing, not a boyfriend thing.
5. If you want her attention that bad then maybe you and the other children should take advantage of his time away and hog her to yourself. Waiting until he is home doesn't seem to work for you.
6. I may be an asshole. Thats ok I don't mind at all. I do however know plenty of shit. Plenty of others have been helped by my advice over the years. Your not liking it doesn't bother me in the least. Know why? Because I pissed you off.
You may not have liked my answer but you heard it loud and clear.
:)
+++++++++++++EDIT 2++++++++++++++++++
I certainly understand your not liking the guy.
You may even have some very legitimate reasons for not liking him. When it comes right down to it though, you will have to at least try to get along with him.
My dad was married several different times. Believe me when I say I understand your not liking the guy. I was lucky enough not to have to live with his wife. My younger brother was so traumatized by the woman that it wasn't until
he was in the hospital dying that my brother talked to him again. 20 years wasted. You don't
want that happening to you.
You don't like him, but it sounds like he does treat your mother well. He may just make her happy. Get along as best you can with the guy.
Take every opportunity to spend time with your mom when he is gone. Give them space when he is home.
Yes, my kids would come first before any man.
Perhaps she thinks she is doing a good job finding some guy who will take care of you all.
Ask her.
Anyway, I do wish you luck. Feel free to drop
by my inbox anytime.
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This is a really hard situation to be in. You have to try and talk to your mom again, maybe sit her down. Just let her know how he is effecting you in a bad way. It might not be the best idea to tell her you don't want them to be together, because that might make things worse. He's probably an asshole because of his wife that died still. Maybe schedule a counseling session with your school guidance counselor, or a psychiatrist in the area were you all can meet. Call him out when he's being rude, just say "I didn't do anything for you to be so rude, so please don't be rude to me." And as for the smoke, he is a complete idiot if he still smokes after seeing his wife die from lung cancer. Not only is the smoking effecting him, it is effecting you. Second hand smoke kills, truly. Keep being persistent with talking to your mom, and try and be there for your sister as much as you can. Hope I helped! Good Luck!
-Brina
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