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My problems, My diary... I need your advice, please?
2010-06-24 17:28:11
12:18
So, where should I begin.
So much has happened in the last couple months,
and a lot of it drives me absolutly insane.
There's been crap with my ex, he confuses me most of the time
I talk to him.
I was talking to him last night and most of the thing he said
were super offensive.
He called me fat ( I know I'm not fat, but I really wish I didn't
hear that from him. )
he's jut been contradicting himself a lot. And I mean a lot.
Anyways, I did break up with him.
And I don't know how I should feel about that.
I actually feel happier, but I don't know if I want him to know that.
I don't want to hurt his feelings as much as I seem to have already.
I wish I could just have a great boyfriend like Jess or my sister does.
But I might be getting a job at Matteo's as a busser!
I'm really, really excited about that; and I hope it works out
for the best.
I've also been looking as postsecret stuff more.
It makes me have the urge to get off my lazy ass
and buy myself a camera. I have no money yet though.
I think it'd be cool to write secrets on the pictures I take
and put them on flickr.com. I'm pretty sure I need to get Photoshop
first though, and I have no clue how to do that.
2010-07-01 18:59:44
1:47
Hmm, what am I feeling today?
I feel lonely.
And confused.
Does anyone like me? It doesn't feel like it.
It could be just my hormones again, but I don't know.
I wish I was happy, like a lot of people are.
But it could be worse.
I could be living on the streets. With nothing but the clothes on my back?
Who am I? What the hell am I doing ?
I say I want to help, but where has that gotten' me?
I need someone to undestand, just like I try to understand others.
I'm not strong. I try to convince myself that I am, but it can't be true.
I want to be loved, I want to help others. But how can I do that, if I can't
even help myself.
I haven't been through anything. Sure, a bad relationship, a scary car
crash and a semi bad young childhood. But I haven't been through shit
compared to anyone else.
So how can i help?
I talk to God; I try to at least.
But i don't know, I'm going through one of my stages, yet again. This stage
is when I'm so fed up with life, I don't know what to believe.
Ugh, I just want it all to stop.
I'm tired and I'm sad. And I wish someone understood me.
I wish someone could help me help them, or help them to help myself.
I really need a gaurdian in my life.
I know the Lord is. But someone on planet earth.
That can listen and actually talk back and hold my hand and tell me
everything gunna' be alright.
All of that is my diary, please, someone. Any advice would be great.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Lets start with your first post. Obviously I don't have the slightest idea about you and your ex's past relationship, but I'll try to help as best as I can. You did say you broke up with him, which seems like it was the best thing. Being put down, having offensive words thrown at you, being super confused...that's definitely not a healthy relationship. Especially that he called you fat...guys should NEVER call a girl fat, no matter how hurt they are!It's great that you feel happier now, though. I'm sure things will get better in time. I've dated such jerks in my past. I never thought I'd find a guy would treat me wonderful. But thankfully, I finally have & we've been dating for 4 years. So try not to stress too much about finding an amazing guy. God puts people in your life for reasons..when the time is right. You seem like a good person, and you definitely deserve a great boyfriend!
As for your second post--lonely, confused, ughh! I've been having those exact feelings & emotions. Despite having a great man. I also feel as though no one likes me sometimes. I mean, I DO have several good friends. I used to have A LOT of friends, but we're just so different now. I just don't fit into the things they enjoy doing. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so lonely a lot of the time? I don't know. I think I need more [girl] friends to talk to.
Anyways, like you, I also catch myself being kind of "depressed"..then I realize how good I actually have it. How worse things could be going for me. But it's just so hard to keep that in mind when you're feeling so down, you know? Do you go to church? I always used to, but I haven't been going for about a month or so now. It seems as though my days go a little smoother and I feel happier when I go to Church. Hmm, I should really start going again!
I'm really sorry that you've been feeling this way; but in a way, it feels good to know there's people out there who share the same emotions & such as me. I also wish there were more people out there who understood me..so I totally know how that is.
Things will get better. They really will. You'll find a fantastic man one day, God will eventually put people in your life who will cheer you up like no others & this stage of feeling lonely, sad & confused will pass. Keep your head up & never let your praying knees get lazy (:
I hoped this helped. My heart goes out to you-I know these emotions drive you crazy & make you feel alone. If you want to write back, please feel free!
Smile! (:
-Kristen
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This guy sounds like hes not worth your time. Remember even if your young or old there will be that perfect guy. Hes not the only fish in the sea. Hope i helped and best of luck! :)
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