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a boy...
okay. sooo i read your advice to this one girl and i really liked it and i\'m about to tell you the entire story of my relationship (7 months) (things i\'m too scared to tell my friends) and i just wanna see what you say.
alright. i am a fourteen year old girl (freshman) and the guy is a sixteen year old boy (sophomore). it all started about ten months ago when i met him. we\'ll call him jack. (not his real name) and i saw him playing baseball last summer and i thought he was cute. when school started we talked because of a mutual friend. one football game he looked at me and smiled and after the football game we went to bdubs and just talked. after another football game (i\'m a cheerleader) he talked to me and asked for my number. we texted and talked and hung out in groups for about three months and then he asked me out.
I was really really really happy. then one night about a month in he told me about a certain time with his ex girlfriend, and how he had fingered her. i was kinda upset by this but i don\'t really think i had a right to be. it\'s just before we started dating i had never kissed or done anything with a boy and i didn\'t want him to expect anything like that from me. he told me he didn\'t and that he valued our relathionship more than the physical stuff. and i believed him. thing is, i let him finger me. i wouldn\'t say he pressured me into it at all. he would try to slip his hand down there every once in a while and i would stop him, until one night i wanted him to do it and he did. things were fine. about anothere two months later, i gave him a handjob. he kind of asked for that... then we didn\'t go a lot farther for awhile but our relationship started to get really rocky. he would be a complete ass to me sometimes and it felt like all i ever did was annoy him or embarrass him and it sucked. when i went out of town he went out to lunch with this girl kacy. nothing happened, but i was still mad cuz he didn\'t wanna tell me about it. she was the one that asked him and there was anohter guy there but jack and kacy used to like eachother and she\'s constantly flirting with him. jack and i would just fight all the time and it sucked. we almost broke up but he said he was gonna try harder and he did. and things were slowly starting to get better. just four days before he broke up with me (he brok up with me on tuesday) he told me he felt so much happier and that he could tell things were better.
But i\'m skipping a part... a week before we broke up i gave him a blowjob. i didn\'t really wanna do it but i felt almost kind of guilted into it. let\'s just say i\'m really bad at handjobs and i stopped giving them. well he kept fingering me and he could make it feel sooo good. he told me we had been dating for six months and that i should be comfortable enough with him to give him a blowjob. that he felt like the physical part of our relationship was completely one sided. And that made sense to me so i did it... i trusted him when i did it and i wanted to make him happy and he broke up with me in a text message a week later. i don\'t even get why he did it when four days prior he told me how much happier he was...
well its been a few days since we broke up. and i found out that after we broke up on tuesday he alrady started talking to this new girl on thursday. that just hurt really bad... i thought i wanted him back but i don\'t think i do anymore. i just gave so much of myself to this guy and i\'m so hurt right noww because it seems like those seven months didn\'t mean anything to him at all.
i just don\'t know what to do... and i would really appreciate any advice you can give me. thing is i can\'t talk about this stuff with my friends because i\'m too ashamed to tell them that we did all that physical stuff... so please don\'t involve the advice doing that. i really don\'t want to.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I didn't read the whole thing over again because I know I've already answered this question; if there was something new in it (u had another question about my advice) send me another question or a message to my email or something
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I don't want you to tell your friends about the stuff you did with him, but i do want you to not be ashamed of what you did (I'll tell you why later).
Out of the whole story there was something missing. You talked about how you went from kissing to 2nd to 3rd (Base). "Love" is what was missing. You never told me about when you knew you loved him or that he loved you. I know what your thinking, "You don't have to love someone to do stuff with them". But i bring it up because it's so much safer, trusting someone is a big part of being in love with someone.
That is what you should go for in your future relationships. Before you get caught up in the physical part you should take time to think about where you think the relationship is going.
If your with a guy like Jack who is lying about hanging out with other girls and seems more interested in getting to the physical part than wanting to get to know you more and make you happy (In other ways). Then it wouldn't be the best thing to do right?
Now here's your answer: You need to start moving on. You were right you did give a lot to this guy, and that's why it's not going to be easy. He might come around and say it was a mistake and he wants to get back together; and it's going to be so easy to say yes but i suggest you say no. Why? For yourself. You need to get back up on your own and not let him who dropped you pick you up.
The first thing i told you was that i didn't want you to tell your friends about what you did with him. That's because your in high school and it doesn't exactly help that your a cheerleader. I say that because you probably have a lot of friends and what you say to one will find it's way to another and eventually to people you don't even know. Even though they're your friends it's none of they're business, so don't worry about it.
And last; Don't think any less of your self because of how far you went with your ex, nothing good will come of that. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Bye and Gl
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Hi.
Thanks for inboxing.
Well, I hope you learned your lesson with the physical relationship, that you shouldn't do anything you don't want to do. Because obviously you regret it.
Don't associate with Jack anymore, because if you do, you might find you want him back, and he obviously doesn't sound like a guy you should be with.
In fact, just stay away from guys for awhile. I'm kind of a cynic, but high school relationships are just unnecessary heartbreak. So, just be single for awhile. I have been for most of high school, and it's worked for me. Doesn't mean it will work for you, or for anyone else, but it might.
--Jack
(18/m)
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Chill out, you don't need to tell your friends anything. This is a personal matter and it's entirely your decision as to how public you want to make your personal business.
Basically, you can chalk this up as your first experience with a total douche bag. And I'll spell out the inevitable; this is the first of many. You're 14. A majority of guys your age are only looking to find some way to cum without doing it themselves, and they'll do anything they can to make that happen. Including taking advantage of your conscience and feelings. So they'll try to guilt you into doing things you might not want to. You know this, this just happened to you. And as you clearly know, this is wrong. You shouldn't feel guilt or discomfort when getting physical with a boy; if you feel either of those, it means you should stop what you're doing. You probably regret what happened, and that's okay. You're not the first this has happened to and sadly you won't be the last. What's important is what you take out of this; guys your age are douche bags and for the most part are only looking out for themselves. This doesn't mean EVERY guy is like that, there are always the poor saps that are cursed with caring, but the majority of guys in your Algebra class are in fact douche bags.
So, from here you ought to just reevaluate how you go about relationships. You shouldn't even talk to this dude again, no matter how convincing his apology is. He's not worth your time and never will be. Also, if you're 14, it's not the best idea to be sucking dick and getting fingered. As you can obviously tell, this just leads to complications and issues in your relationships that you could have avoided. When I was 14, I have no idea what the fuck I was doing but I sure as hell wasn't guilting girls into sucking my dick. And I turned out okayish.
In conclusion, avoid douche bags, only put things in your mouth you plan on eating, and enjoy being a 14 year old with your friends. You have nothing to be ashamed about, but you have plenty of time for this adult junk when you're a few years older.
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