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My Girlfriend
I've been with this girl for about 7-8 monthes now. And I still have trouble understanding her. For example, on her FB page, she has put up a picture of her and her cousin. She rarely puts up a picture of us unless it's for a short time. Is she embarrassed of me? Or is she more in love with her cousin? Her cousin is very pretty and she has a great personality as far as I know. She lives a few states away so I've never met her.
I also think that my girlfriend doesn't really love me. I think she's in love with the fact that somebody loves her. Everytime I make a minor mistake such as missing a lunch date because I was busy doing something else, she goes overboard and I think she's ready to break up. If I give her any doubt that I don't love her or that I love her less than she thought, she doesn't want anything to do with me.
Then there are times when I want to hangout with her and if when on the phone we're making these plans to get together, she accuses me of not "sounding" like I really want to and is like whatever nevermind. When the reality is I want to and my tone is due to some other reason such as in going to see her, I will be risking the chance of getting in trouble or in going to see her, I will look like a mess because I haven't had the chance to get ready for the day.
Then there are times when she and I get together for a short amount of time and she ignores me from the time I walk in the door of her house. She eats, talks to her mom in vietnamese, or she's watching tv. Once she walked into her house and closed the door right behind her though she knew I was coming in behind her. When it's almost time for her to go to work, that's when she starts to ackonwledge my presence.
Another thing, she blames me for the stress of her parents. They don't like the fact that their daughter is gay, but she said she's more into girls than guys. Once, she blamed our relationship when her father ran a redlight. It's unlike him to do such but she was going to breakup with me for what happened with her father when I was nowhere near him when he ran the redlight. I was with her at my house.
She also gets upset with me when she feels that she is always reaching out to me. Like when she was always coming to my house after school. She accused me that I never make action to go see her. This is ridiculous because her parents didn't really welcome me into their home and because I walked all the way to her house several times after sundown to sneak in through her window which ruined my favorite pants because to get to her window, I had to crawl through the bushes.
Another thing which happened 4 monthes after we started dating was that when she worked at moe's, she confided in an employee that she preferred sex with men rather than women. She only had oral sex with an elderly man once and we were just beginning our sexual experience. She said that she wasn't thinking clearly at the time and that we were fighting a lot during the time which gave her the entitlement to say this. It made me feel rather disgusted. She chose this guy she hates over the girl she loves just because his tongue felt better. I've gotten over this dispute between us because I made once major mistake too. She read my private question on advicenators[after what she did] that I was thinking about having sex with this guy. That was just 3 monthes after but she read it about 5-6 monthes after we were together. I wrote that question the day after we got back together[before we broke up for a short time]. The guy approached me and I was still confused on whether I preferred girls or men. For some reason, I thought at the time that that would help me understand. I had sex with a guy once but he wasn;t my boyfriend and it was terrible mostly for that reason.
Anyway, we both made mistakes. Those two are the biggest we each made. Though, once she watched porn when I told her not to. She's a porn addict and I hate this about her. She was reading anime porn the day I told her I just wanted to be friends last Thursday. Us just being friends didn't work out very well because we're now back together. Maybe when we try to be friends, we need to be away from each other during the grieving period after a breakup. I do love her a lot and that's why I keep coming back to her. And she says she loves me a lot. I need another perspective of my girlfriend and I. Am I making the right decision for myself to stay with her? Or would we be better off as just friends?
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I dont think you are commiting a sin, God loves everyone exactly the way they are, it doesnt matter if you are with a boy or a girl, but honestly it sounds like you are an amazing person with a huge heart and your girlfriend just doesnt appriciate you, i think it would be best if you did break up with her and find someone who appreciates how special you are and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. If you dont wanna break up with her try talking to her and telling her how she makes you feel, but most likely she wont care, im not telling you what to do but i dont think you should stay with her, i hope my advice has helped a little...
-gracie <3
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You're not a terrible person. You want to be loved, just like the rest of us. I think the first place to start is with prayer. Just get on your knees and pour your heart out and ask for wisdom. I truly believe God exists and I believe in the power of prayer. Do this as soon and often as you can. I believe there is an answer in there somewhere for you. Next, I think you need to talk to someone about this. Now, this will be the difficult part, because it requires that you find someone you trust. Do you go to church or a youth group? Can you trust your pastor? Do you want to trust your pastor? Or is there someone else in your church or group that you feel you can trust? Someone that you know will keep your confidence and not judge you harshly? Because I believe this is about a lot more than just feeling rejected by your girlfriend. I believe this is about you, and your questions and how you feel about yourself. I wish I could just give you the magic answer and make everything better, but it sounds like you're on a journey that only you can take. Make sure you take the right guide with you.
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