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Life.
I'm sorry i was mistaken it was only but the first part of your answer i didn't really agree with,
yes the first time i made that mistake,
but the next boy i did truly love and i did it just because i loved him.
Maybe it was the heartbreak that led me to do what i did. Because the next boy really wanted to be with me he wanted a real relationship with me and i said no. Yes we fooled around but it was because i wanted to. I guess i just wanted physical affection but i did not want a relationship. We messed around once and he wanted to fool around again and i said no. I do have the ability to say no.
The boy after him also wanted a real relationship with me but i refused. He wanted me to be his girlfriend and he wanted to tell everyone, but again i refused. I just wanted him for the companionship and the sex i did not want to be with him, we did fool around and ended up having sex but when i put myself in another situation where he wanted sex i refused, i said no. all in all i did not want a relationship once again.
Boy number 5 he was a long term boyfriend who i thought i loved but im still not sure what my feelings for him are but he loves me im sure he does, he bought me a diamond ring and loves me even through all my faults hes always there for me, its sad that idk if i love him =(
Boy number 6 was a boy who had the biggest penis i had ever seen, i wanted to try it. I wasnt looking for a relationship or love. I just wanted sex. We did it along with other things and i didnt like it that much. so the next time he asked if we could, i said no.
I have an idea as to why i do these things but im still not completely sure. Your advice did help me realize a lot so thank you very much for your time... should i get therapy? I dont really like therapists though, i think they dont really care and they just want their money.
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There is no need to look for excuses as to why you did what you did.
Therapy can help a load of mental problems that you don't even know you have, obviously. It's worth checking into some thorough counselling.
I told you exactly why you do these things. It's up to you to actually take my advice or not. I know it can be hard to understand that you ARE those things I said. You have become something you simply should not be. Don't make excuses for yourself. Deep down inside you know what I said is right.
Not all therapists only care about your money. I have a degree in psychology myself. Does it look like I'm asking you for your money? ;)
Call a few mental health clinics around and see when they can fit you into their routine. You need to see somebody to work these problems out because you are fighting the truth.
You have the ability to say no but you don't understand what "no" means. You refuse a relationship but accept to a sexual friendship because you have deep mental problems after your first mistake was made. The damage was already done and you hadn't learned from it yet. You purposely set yourself up for failure since then. You're young. You won't even understand these things until you're mid-30's if you're like most teens and 20-somethings.
It's like...
A cutter.
The cuts really hurt.
They do.
But they keep doing it because they're in that routine. They don't know what else to do.
Do they "choose" to cut?
They might say they do.
But the problems are deep inside their minds. They aren't CHOOSING to hurt themselves, even if they think they are. They're mentally ill. They have problems they need to work out so that they can get out of the same damaging routine or they will just continue the behavior.
You are a slut.
The actions really do hurt you inside and out.
They do.
But you keep doing it because you're in that routine. You don't know what else to do, really. You think sex is the answer.
Do you "choose" to be a slut?
You might even say you do.
But the problems are deep inside of you. You think you are CHOOSING to do these stupid things but, really, you're just broken. You're damaged. You need to get help to work through these issues so that you don't keep repeating the same mistakes over and over because of this "rut" or vicious cycle.
If you care about yourself, you'll take the steps that are needed to get well.
No need to make any more excuses as to "why" you did what you did. If they were valid reasons then why did you continue to hurt yourself by doing the same things over and over? Once you realized it HURT then why did you keep prodding the wound? Why did you keep thinking the next outcome would be different? Why did you think the words, "I love you," changed everything? Why did you think having a giant cock would mean you wouldn't be mentally and emotionally damaged? Some of your reasons are absolutely ridiculous, especially if you reread what you wrote.
"My first boyfriend said he loved me...I believed him..."
"So the second boy I skipped looking for the love. Because who needs love anyway? I just gave myself to him to get it over with."
"Boy number 5 said he loved me. I believed him!"
"Boy number 6 had a giant cock. That's different so it just can't mess my brain up any more than it already is!"
Wake up already.
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