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pretty witty
Hey how are you. I LOVE your advice column and think you out of anyone here can help me with this issue.
I'm 18, doing very well in school.
Going to a good university next year. My boyfriend on the other hand is 24 (yes I know I am a bit young for him, but I assure you i am mature enough for the relationship). He should have his 4 year degree right now but doesn't. He's a sweetheart but hes not that school oriented I should say. He would like to be, but for some reason (i think hes either lazy or burned out) he desn't do too well. Hes taking some minor classes at a community college to get enough credits to go to a specialized medical graduate school. It's a big deal because lord knows he has enough experience as a physical therapist to run his own business but needs the actual degree. Problem is I think something happened with his class and he either failed, or has gotten kicked out, but refuses to tell me. Probably out of embarrassment. I dont know. What do you think I should do to get him to confess?
Well first I should mention that the reasons I think something has happened is because he has class on mondays and wednesdays the only two days he doesnt work, and whenever he went he would always do other things right after, now its like he always wakes up at 11 or 12 (he has class from 8 to 9).
When I ask him if he went to school he says yeah, but then i went back home and slept.
Hes been doing the same thing for 2 months now. Whenever I ask him about an exam, its always in the near future, 2 weeks from now, etc.
He's slept over on a sunday night before and monday at 8:30 he was still asleep next to me, when i asked him about school he said he didnt have to go that day, which is odd because hes already missed a lot of classes and they make you drop the class after 5 absences. (I take some classes there on the side as well) Hes done this a few times, so it quite odd.
I just felt fishy about the whole thing and I believe I asked him flat out about 3 times if hes still going to school and hes always calmly replied yes why would I be?
I cant accuse him of lying without actual proof you know?
What is your opinion about the whole thing and what should I do to get him to tell me the truth? He should know he can tell me anything I wouldn't judge him I would help and support him and i've told him that a million times. I just hate liars. Do you have any advice?
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Failure can be a hard thing to accept. Especially for someone who's known success like your boyfriend has, it's incredibly frustrating to feel out of control and to fuck shit up when you don't expect to.
This question is a bit hard to advise, because I'm of two minds about it.
The first option (the sensible one) is to wait and trust. To encourage him to talk to you but not put too much pressure on it, and let him come around to telling you on his own time.
This is generally acceptable and appropriate option. This is the option that puts your relationship in the least danger. And as certain as you seem to be that he's hiding something, it's also going to drive you insane and set a somewhat bad precedent for the future where he's used to not telling you shit until he's completely ready, even when it's seriously important life shit.
The second option is to methodically track his whereabouts when you can, follow him to school, confirm what's going on with your own eyes, and then confront him if something is out of whack. This is a risky course that very well could destroy the relationship under the right (wrong?) circumstances. It's invasive and prying, and you don't really have any real right to do this.
It's also what I would probably do in the situation myself. I will admit that at least I'm married, so if my wife dropped out of school and wouldn't tell me I've got valid reasons to be all over her (like the fact that we share debt and if she has to repay student loans for dropping I'm responsible for them too). That gives me alot more comfort and alot less hesitation.
You're dating this guy, I don't know how long you've been dating or how close you are. I'd hope it's a couple of years at least, at this point, because if it isn't you're likely going to be relegated to option one, or else taking option two and not bringing it up for a while.
There is one thing I'll make clear now though. He sounds a bit like me in how private I am. Took me quite a while to get used to the idea that my wife has the right to know what the hell I'm up to and what's going on in my life. He doesn't sound like he gets that yet, and as I said I don't know if your relationships is strong and involved enough for you to hold claim to the right to be informed.
But this is an issue you need to figure out. If you aren't willing to spy on him and not willing to wait, I'd go in with a conversation about how you feel like he's hiding something and it's driving you insane. Point out the evidence, and tell him that you're worried about him and that as his girlfriend you want to be more involved in his life than just being a pair of arms, a pair of breasts, and a vagina. And emphasize the idea that he's not alone in whatever he's dealing with. After this conversation, drop it and if you still aren't satisfied I guess it's time to stalk him or hire a PI.
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