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humorist-workshop
School Social issues
Hi!
I'm Mikki and I am having a lot of problems with friends lately. Its a really long story and I understand if you dont feel like reading it.
My (ex) best friend, "Pam", and i had been best friends for about 3 yrs. She is very obnoxious and super confident. She thinks she is super pretty, popular and that everyone loves her. She claims that she nevers talks shit about others and she says that she will always be unique and never do anything to fit in with the crowd. The truth of the matter is that she is chubby, not attractive, NOT popular, talks so much shit about others, and will go to any lengths to fit in with the crowd. Being her best friend, i could never tell her this, and so i would do everything to make her feel good about herself. Towards the end of our friendship, i was getting super annoyed by her personality and was going to go talk to her about it after we finished our Haiti relief dance show on "that" sunday. During dance rehearsals, we were having some issues because she wanted to always be in the front, and she wanted to wear the best outfit. I never said anything. She decided the steps, the outfits, everything. When i was picking my outfit, she decided that she and our other friend "kate" would have the best outfits, and i would have the trashy, leftover one. I said no problem, i will just get an outfit from my house. Friday - the day of the dress rehearsal. At school, everything is fine; we laugh, we joke, we talk...just like usual.. Then, after school, before rehearsal, she calls me up and asks if i will bring my outfit to rehearsal. I said of course, why wouldnt i? she says that she need to approve it so its not better than anyone elses and if it is she should wear it b/c she starts off the dance. i sweetly said that i am borrowing by moms skirt and since its expensive only i can wear it.. she said she understands... Five minutes later, right before i was leaving for rehearsal, her mom calls and when i said hi/how are you, she says she needs to speak to my mother immediately. I gave the phone to my mom and instantly heard yelling so i picked up the other phone and listened in. her mom was yelling at my mom, saying that i talked rudely to her daughter and made her cry. She said that if some one makes her daughter cry(which a lot of people do b/c she is so over dramatic) she picks up the phone and does something about it. Her mom said that i am an ill mannered, mean, liar who has so many secrets and that my parents havent raised me right because all i do is lie to everyone. I was like what the hell is she talking about? She said i was so difficult to work with and be friends with. She said Pam was so nice because kate and pam never wanted me in the dance and i forced my way in and so they didnt want to hurt my feelings and kept me in. She said kate and her mom hate me too. She said that my parents dont know anything about my real life and that they are way to strict with me. (she thinks my parents are crazy because they keep me "socially locked in" since i dont date or have a facebook/ cell phone)my mom told her to calm down and tell her the reason why she called and started insulting me. She said that i didnt let pam wear the outfit she wanted. my mom asked her how she knew kate hated me and she said kate told her. She told my mom to call her and ask. So thats wat i did and kate said she swears to god nothing like that happened and that she didnt say anything like that.(so did her mom) Kate and her family come from a small town and are very nice people so i was shocked wen i heard that they were talking shit about me. Why did pam/her mom do this to me?
At the rehearsal, pam looks at me apolegitcally and her mom looks at me like i'm some villain, so i looked at her like she is fat monster.. as i was going on stage she grabbed me on the arm and told me if i mess with pam i mess with her and that if say anything to or about her she will tell my parents all of my "secrets" ....I looked at her as if she were a psycho and told her to go ahead and tell my mom she is standing rite over there. I told her, that my mom and i have a super close relationship and that i had nothing to hide. She said that was fine with her and i was like wat? i then told her that she just said i couldnt talk to her beloved daughter anymore..sooo...ya..Then she calls over all my friends whoe were at the rehearsal including pam and kate, excluding me. i heard her telling them all this shit about me and how they shouldnt be my friend if they see somethign they dont like...Can u believe it? A grown up lady acting like a child?? WOW...So watever.. the next day at our orchestra festival Pam completely ignores me and everytime i was talking to someone she would pretend i wasnt there and pulled them to the side and started a brand new convo... SAme thing on the day of the Haiti show.. it's been a month now, and every day... EVERY DAY i try and talk to any of my friends she comes and pulls them away...if i sit at our usual lunch spot and all my friends are coming to sit with me, she runs to the front and leads them to sit somewhere else, so i end up sitting alone. Sometimes when she sits with my (or as she likes to claim "her") friend's group, she talks so loudly when describing going to the mall/movies with her "best" friends, or going to a study session that "everyone" has been invited to, or to the track meet or fotball game that everyone has been inviting her to. Sometimes i feel like telling her to lower her voice because i am pretty sure the school now knows what she is doing everyday this week....I dont say or do anything about my "pam" problem...
What should i do? i have no idea and sometimes, since i have kept this frustration bottled up inside of me, i feel like breaking down to tears... Please, Please PLEASE, just help me.... if you end reading all of my venting, thanx...
regards,
mikki
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Wow! Please forgive my language here - what a BITCH! Pam AND her Mom! Listen, Pam obviously has issues that can be traced directly to her mom. It sounds to me like her mom is trying her best not to grow up. She wants to be a teenager like her daughter and so engages in teenage behavior . What the heck was she thinking calling your mother like that?! These people sound like the most ridiculous people on the face of the earth. You should pity Pam's mother. She is a woman who is jealous of your youth and your confidence and that is really, really sad. I'm willing to bet she's a bit of a joke among her own friends.
To be honest, I'm not even sure how to advise you here. I mean, your friend is a liar and whiner and a bully. If it helps, I'm pretty sure all her loudness and bossiness is a sign of a very insecure girl who want to be liked by everyone. If its so easy for her to lead your friends away at school during lunch and other times, I would question wether those people are really your friends. Seriously, do you really want to be with someone who would choose that loud, obnoxious, bully over you?! Pam is obviously jealous of you, and of anyone who dares to have a little confidence in themselves. You need to try to surround yourself with other people who are more like you. I know it hurts to feel alone and betrayed right now, but you're going to realize soon that toxic people breed toxic situations and you don't need that in your life. So just keep being yourself. Be confident in who you are. What's going to happen is that people are going to tire of your fake friend and decide they want to be around more positive people. In the meantime, make an effort to participate in other activities that you enjoy. Reading? Join a book club. Acting? join theatre. Volunteer somewhere (oh, that will REALLY tick off Pam!), just find something. The point is, once you start doing other things you enjoy, you'll get to know some different people and make new friends. It will help you to not feel so isolated. Look, your (ex) friend is a hag. There's not much you can do about that except learn from it and vow not to treat others so poorly and disrespectfully. You'll pull through this. Stay calm and collected, don't stoop to her level. People will respect that and you'll find you attract more genuine friends that way. Chin up!
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