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How can I get time for myself?
Ok, so (Male, 18) I just got off the phone with my girlfriend after an hour-long argument that was about nothing more than my leaving her house to go home and finish a four page English paper and do some college stuff that needed to be finished.
I was over there just hanging out, cooking some bars with her and I suddenly found out that I had to finish some college things before 5 o'clock and, in addition, i had to revise an English assignment and my math assignment.
We had plans to be together all day, but my teacher bumped the deadline up to tomorrow during school today, so i changed plans a little so i would probably leave around 6 or so, that way I'd have time to finish it. When I told her this, it just about ruined both of our days right there, but she managed to get over it until my dad called and reminded me about some College things I forgot about that I HAD TO GET DONE, and my dad was mad at me for forgetting it in the first place...
I really didn't want to leave. first of all, I like spending time with her, and secondly, I knew it would make her really mad. I was hesitant to leave, and just about let it wait until tomorrow but I decided since my dad was already angry, and since i already had other things to finish that it would be ok to leave. Was That Such a Bad Thing to Do?
after I got home, i finished everything and expected a little understanding from her during our nightly talk on the phone. But No. All i got was her crabbing about how i cant ever remember anything and how im home at the "snap of my dad's fingers" 'all the time'... I can put up with it for about 45 minutes, but i got tired of telling her that I had multiple things to do, and asking her to understand my situation here. She made me mad in the end and I hung up on her while she was going off on how i don't have any priorities straight for the umpteenth time.
I know i'm forgetful, and I know my dad makes things a bit ridiculous sometimes. But I had things to do and I feel like she should be able to understand and let me finish things when they have to be done. this isn't the first time this has happened. She always gets mad at me for little things like leaving for home at any time exept right before my curfew, or forgetting things like her plans for the week and which days she'll be busy. It's like its too much work for her to tell me some things twice sometimes. are there any medical conditions that make a person so touchy for little things like this? In addition, when we both leave for college, im sure Ill just be more busy with things, it seems like everythings just going to get worse if these things keep up.
I'm worried because I really love her, I know i probably sound really mad at her now, but she's my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and I'd do just about anything for her if it made her happy. If i could pay to make my memory perfect, or to make my life with nothing but her in it, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
How can I tell her i have to leave or do things other than be with her? What can I say to her after she gets mad with me like this? a lot of the time when she's mad at me she doesn't want to talk or be with me, she just wants to argue and avoid me, so how am I supposed to cheer her up or let her know how much I love her?
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You need to have a long discussion with her. Have the talk at the beginning of the time together, be ready for pouting, arguing etc. Don't leave it until right before its time for you to go home.
Do it when neither of you are already mad about something. Communication is the key to any successful relationship as is really listening.
She sounds a little spoiled, well, maybe a lot spoiled. You are at a point in your life where shes still very important, but she can no longer be the total focus of all your attention. She has to grow up or you will grow apart.
So, you need to discuss how while you love her, and she IS a priority in your life, she isn't your ONLY priority.
Your dad may be a big pain in the butt a lot of the time. That doesn't matter. You live at his house, he may be paying for your college education. You owe him some respect. She has to understand that and not interfere or be offended by it.
It sounds to me as if you have your priorities very straight. They may not be the same priorities she has, but they are right for you.
School work, college things all are important for your future, and possibly hers, right? YOU are the one to set your priorities. Not her. She needs to understand that.
What it all boils down to is this. Not every single thing you do in life has to be done with her permission. If you need to get home to get things done, she needs to be happy with the time you took to spend with her and accept the fact that you can make your own decisions. Same holds true with her and things she needs to do. You accept it and that's that. I'm not saying she can't say she wishes you could stay longer, but arguing the point does no good and wastes time that could be spent talking about better things.
For remembering, get a day planner or even plain old calender would work. Something you can keep with you or toss in your car. When you have to do something, write it down. If you think it will help, have her help you with it.
Best of luck. Talk. :)
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You're welcome!
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Well first off you sound like a great boyfriend! Alot of guys wouldn't even care in the first place and I can tell that you really love her! Second, that's just how alot of girls are! We love attention from our men and sometimes it's hard to hear that they have other things in their life except for us! There's nothing you can say to her besides that you have important work to do for your classes and it's not like you're leaving her to go party or anything! When you're apart, make sure you send her some sweet texts just to remind her that even though you're not with her, she's still on your mind. She'll appreciate that.
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She should understand that things like college are also important. Maybe she's just a little self-centered. You should think about if being in a relationship with her is worth risking not being able to do other important things than hang out with her. When you make that decision , just tell her. If she doesn't understand , maybe you two aren't meant to be.
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