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Parents and Girlfriend
18/f
So, I've been with my girlfriend now for 7+ months and my parents found out that they were dating since December or January, but she doesnt seem to like my girlfriend very much, and my girlfriend doesnt like the way she's being treated and it's driving me crazy. My mom wants me to be with a guy, and my girlfriend wants me to be with her. And I want to be with her, but the way she behaves sometimes makes my mom wonder if she really loves me. Butsometimes I think it's because of the way my mom is treating my girlfriend. Today we went to the mall to pick out my prom dress. My mom and I held hands and I guess my girlfriend felt left out, but she was walking ahead of us and I called her twice, but she ignored me the second time. She walked 3 or 4 feet ahead of us, and she didn't hold the door for my mom or me when we walked in and out. When we were picking my dresses, I found my dress which she knew ahead of time that I probably was going to be getting the dress, and she picked a dress that didn't look like it matched mine very well. I didn't say anything about it because I want to see later on which dress she picks, and if she picks one that doesnt match mine, then that would tell me that she really cares only for herself. I really love her, but she's so #@$%^&^. My mom is also wrong for being rude to her too, she spoke vietnamese when we were together so it pretty much excluded her, and i didnt really see that until my girlfriend brought it up. I thought it was cool since she didnt speak english well anyway. My mom also brought up my ex which is a guy, and his name is Andrew which I don't like much and my girlfriend got jealous so she was like "why are you talking about andrew?" and my mom thought that was rude and it's none of her business. >_< I really don't know what to do. I already talked to my mom about her speaking vietnamese in front of her and she yelled at me. They're both pulling me in opposite directions.
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You both sound amazingly rude to one another.
Communication and empathy are not strong points in this relationship at all.
Sure, it's rude of your girlfriend to ignore you, but seriously! You are 18 year old and out with your girlfriend and holding hands with your mother (who hates like her) while speaking a language she doesn’t understand. That's amazingly exclusive and hurtful.
If I were your girlfriend and you expected me to put up with you and your mother, with your mother deliberately trying to provoke me with talk of your ex, speaking in a language I don't know and monopolizing you, I would NEVER, and I truly mean never, consent to spending a day with you and your mother again unless you SWORE to me that you would insist your mother be more respectful of me, and include me in polite conversation.
And that’s only if I didn’t flat out dump you for not being able to figure that stuff out for yourself.
You think your girlfriend doesn’t care how you feel?
From your question here I’m left wondering if you give a shit what she feels?
Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t sound like she dealt with any of this perfectly, but the way the you discuss behaving here, makes me wonder how this relationship has lasted even 7 months.
You want some more empathy and respect from your girlfriend? Start by giving some. You both might be ‘owed’ an apology, but go first anyways and explain to her that you actually understand how horribly she was treated and how embarrassing and painful that must have been for her. Tell her you care for her enough to stand up to your parents and expect them to be polite to her.
I know your parents are probably putting a lot of pressure on you, but you are 18. It’s time you start to stand up for your own choices, and put some pressure back on them. They MUST be respectful and sensitive to your girlfriends hurt feelings, because you picked her. Any problems in your relationship with your girlfriend are your problems to work out, and although you might value their advice and opinions, they do NOT have the right to get involved or treat your girlfriend poorly. Period. Ever. End of story.
And really, if you want to look good together at prom, put on your cutest face and say “Yeah, that was a pretty dress, but I really hoped we’d look like a couple? What do you think about that?” . Don't just sit back and make dress shopping some sort of stupid, petty, 'does she love me' Test. That's not productive and it's dishonest game-playing.
You have to be able to talk about what upsets you and what is important. Your girlfriend did that when she pointed out to you that small way that your mother disrespected her. You need to be able to be that honest about more things, and that open to dicussing them.
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You need to talk to your girlfriend, Tell her that your mother is your mother and she needs to learn to respect that. It sounds like your girlfriend might be acting a little bit immature, There is no reason to be jealous again this is your mother.
I would also sit down with your mother and explain to her that you are happy in the relationship and that you feel it is unfair of her to be stating her opinions and treating your girlfriend badly. You are an adult, You are 18 years old and you are old enough to decide for yourself who you want to be with. Your mother bringing up your ex in front of your girlfriend is rude, Again you are with her and she needs to respect your wishes. If she continues to act this way, Then maybe you and your girlfriend need to take the relationship in a more private way that doesn't always mean having your mother around. Every time your mother brings up her opinions tell her that you don't want to discuss her opinions on the subject and leave it at that.
Again, You are the adult and you are entitled to your happiness. If you want to be with a woman then let it happen, If you want to with a man let it happen. Don't let people decide for you who and who you should not date. You are who you are, Be proud of that. If you don't think your girlfriend and you are not working out then maybe you should talk to her, but don't let others decide for you on what to do.
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