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physical attraction with bf
sorry its me again.your answer was really good,great advice...the thing is i did talk to my bf about the attraction.i told him how in the process it felt like he was being selfish and wanted him to treat me softer and make it more about me.Like treat me like a kitten.
he did try to be soft and sweeter and kiss me and we did put our bodies against eachothers etc but i still dont feel anything...is there soemthing wrong with me?
I mean i have been with other guys that have made me arroused but he just doesnt.even when he kisses me neck i dont feel anything...thiss is the first real relationship iv had since my last bf which abused me two years ago,could this have anything to do with it??am i scared of getting hurt?
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Please do not apologize for asking for help. It is a great skill you possess. Honor it!
I am afraid at this point that I have more questions than answers for you to consider. This is because the origins of your arousal problem can come from so many different possible sources.
My best advice at this point is to seek professional help. I would start by trying to rule out simple physical explanations. How is your health? Your diet? Your exercise? How is your period? Are you taking oral contraceptives? Do you smoke? Time for a complete physical with your doctor or gynecologist. Be open and frank with him/her. Often it is a matter of simple physiology that can be easily corrected.
If a simple physical explanation is lacking then I would consider talking to a counselor especially one who is expert on issues of sex. Some of the questions that you should ask yourself and talk to a counselor about include
Are you a virgin? When did you start to menstruate? Did you find the physical abuse of former relationships to be arousing? Is there a healthy metaphor for submission or dominance that you would find arousing and that would not require you to be a victim of violence?
Try to notice what is happening with your body. A mindfulness practice like meditation can help here. What do you feel physically when you are with your boyfriend and you are not being aroused? Apathy? Indifference? Disgust? You say he is 'Hot'. Do you mean he is physically attractive? Does that attraction vanish when he touches you? What can you remember about the boys who touched you that turned you on. Can you identify what is different with your current BF?
What about masturbation? Does that work for you? If so, what kind of fantasies turn you on? You do not need to respond to me with answers to these questions. (You can if you want absolutely..but I just want you to start thinking expressly about these issues as you are the one who will find the answer within eventually).
Are you straight? Maybe you prefer girls? Also something to consider.
Please do let me know how you are and if you find any cool answers that could help others please let me know.
Also please know that this is a problem for many girls and women in our misogynist society. You are not alone and you are not abnormal.
I am totally in support of your continued open and honest exploration of yourself and your sexuality. Do not judge yourself nor allow anyone else to judge you. And do not allow yourself to be used abused or otherwise victimized by anyone.
I am sorry I do not have an easy solution for you. Let me know if I can be of any further assistance.
Viniya
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