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I doubt you can help, but you can try.
I am so disappointed with the way my life is turning out. I'm on lots of medications and am in therapy, but at this point I'm pretty sure it's all stopped working. I'm not connected at all to my family. Nobody would miss me if I was gone. Please don't try to tell me my life has meaning because literally EVERYTHING I do goes wrong. Should I travel? Should I get away from my life just for right now and come back to face it with a level head? Because it seems harder and harder to stop myself from swallowing all my pills at once and never waking up. It's starting to be too much to handle and I hate being in this much pain...about myself.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
U kNow i had the same situation as you do.
& now,with time,i've experienced things,i've known my past mistakes,where i should fall,where i should'nt..Life is a play,learn from it.
Can you tell in your heart:"I'm a man" ?
If you can say it,they You'll have a feeling that you have never felt b4.It make you stronger each time you'll say it.Try.
Just remember,that everything happens for a reason,and god never wanted anyone to get hurt or to mess up his/her life,he's just waiting 4 the right moment to let ur magic roll.
So Have faith in your self in everything you do,and just imagine things positively.Respect & Smile are a must in order to build up friends & relations.
Always learn to challenge yourself,do only the things you like to do,create your own ambiance,give yourelf some credits,pray,& you'll feel better.
I hope i answered your question,and gave you a little push.If you do have some more questions,i'm all ears,and you can contact me any time.Peace.
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I'm bipolar. I've attempted suicide 3 times in 21 years of life, along with 4 overdoses (on various drugs) and in general I've been waging war on myself because I felt completely crazy since about 9th grade (age 14, if you're counting). I've been on different meds for it... recently took myself off my meds, claiming that it was giving me tremors that it wasn't really. I just don't like taking the damn pills. I have 2 shrinks, both of which say that one of my moods could potentially get me killed. Depression holds suicide and mania holds every other possibility from being murdered to thinking I can fly and jumping off a building or something.
The point is, I get what you're feeling. I feel it a lot. I have lots of ways I cope with it... most pretty unhealthy, but I won't recommend those. I don't know how old you are... but I do know that running away, this travelling concept, isn't the bad idea someone else would have you think it is. I ran off to Spain once, Costa Rica another time, simply because I wanted to be someone else for a while. So long as you have your head while travelling... well it can be the best thing for a "reset" to what ails you.
I haven't found much meaning in life, except every now and then I ind some glimmer of something awesome to focus on. Life is dirty and disorganized, but if you can focus on the bright spots, it helps...
If you want to travel, do. If you want to off yourself... well it's not the best idea and causes more people than you think pain. You never know how much you mean to people until they think you're leaving... I've done this 3 times, I know. If you're really so hopeless that you can't find one little, insignificant reason to stick around and take up space... well... I have no comment and wash my hands of it (Pontious Pilot, how you've given us a way to say we can't stop you but disapporve)...
Anyway... Yes.
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The answers are: Yes and Yes! If you can travel, and or if you can get away. But that is always easier said than done.
When I was just 16 I ran away from home. (luckily I survived, but that is another story. And this was 40 years ago.) Getting away from my dysfunctional family was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned more about people and human nature when I could meet people at their own level and not have my family's influence over me. My family didn't like anyone, didn't like anything, didn't enjoy life, and were full of self loathing. But I didn't' know that at the time. They were the only reference I had of "normal". But they were not normal. And I had to get away to learn that. Inside I had hopes and dreams and a belief that life could be beautiful, fun, and a hope that I was special. They took every opportunity to kill those feelings me in. All of them. My parents and my brother and sister. Because they were miserable, they didn't like to see happiness in anyone. But they thrived on their misery while I was dying inside. My heart and my hopes were kept in a dungeon by my family. The best thing I ever did was leave. I came back after a year, and stayed a while until I was 18, then left on my own and never went back. That time away from them made me stronger. I had to rely on myself. I found out that I was smarter than they ever gave me credit for. That I could be resourceful and I was very capable. I don't think I would ever have learned that if I stayed home and let them continue to control me.
I still had a long way to go and a lot to learn, but at least now I could. It was all up to me. Years later I found out why my family was the way there were. They were afraid of life. Afraid of strangers, Afraid of strange situations. They never wanted to leave their comfort zone. Those feelings included the children, but for it to work they had to control us and scare us. That way we wouldn't make a move without their consent, which they rarely gave. I am so glad that I left.
If you have an opportunity to leave and be on your own and deal with new people and situations on their own level, then I hope that you take it.
You say that it would not matter to your family if you were alive or not. Many people would argue with you about that point. But I say, hey if they are making you feel that way, then it is not wondre that you think that. But you don't need their approval or acceptance or even love to be a valuable member of this world. You can make a difference and you can be very important to someone. Someone, something or some cause.
Since you took the time to write your question and you seem very smart and articulate, I can see the value in you. Your question is insightful. It does not blame others for your problems and you are looking for answers. You know in your heart that there is a better way out there. And you are right. You were just not lucky enough to be born into a family that can help you achieve all your goals and fulfill your life's work. But that doesn't mean that you can not accomplish all that you wish to. Even if you don't know what that is now. You can still reach a great level of self esteem and self love by getting involved in life and doing something. Learning something. Helping someone. Becoming an expert at something. Being the best that you can be. (I know, that sounds corny) If you write to me again with more detail, I can give you more guidance. If you place a private message in my inbox I will be happy to respond. I have been where you are. Today I am 56, with two grown boys, both successful. I own my own home and I have a great career, work part time for some charities and I just love life, itself. AND I believe that my best years are ahead of me. And my mother said I would never amount to anything. That message was in my head for so long. What a shame.
I wish you luck and happiness and the ability to do the hard work that it will take to get there. It is all worth it. I promise.
Michele
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