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My bf hates my mom
Hi,
my bf and I have been together for 2 years, and have been living together for about 6 months.. 3 months at his dad's house and the rest at my mom's... long story short, he has anger problems and everything my mom does bothers him.. we got into a fight and he ended up saying he will move out and for me to stay with my family.. in a mad way.. should we try and work this out and move out, or should we just let it be? please help... thanks
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Take your bf up on his suggestion and let him move out. Why is your mother allowing him to live with you anyway, and in her home no less, likewise, his father? If you two want to live together and enjoy all the benefits of this arrangement, then why not get your own place and take on all the responsibilities of living that lifestyle?
His anger problems will cause you grief in the future. It's not right to put this garbage on your mother. Tell him to take a hike or shack up on your own.
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Although I do not know the background of the relationship between your boyfriend and you, the red flag in this question lies in "he has anger problems..."
First of all, you need to ask yourself some serious questions. Where do you see the relationship going? Are you looking for someone serious? Is he trying to get you to move away from your family?
The reason I ask this is because people with anger issues frequently just become more and more angry and more and more violet as time goes by, if the situation is not treated.
Don't get me wrong, everybody gets angry or upset, but in your heart you will know if something is not right.
Don't make the mistake in thinking that the good times cover the bad. If your relationship is a constant struggle and you're not happy overall, and you fight constantly, it is not a relationship. You're clinging onto something that is safe and comfortable. It's scary finding someone new, but staying in a relationship that is toxic has more lasting effects than you realize. What if you get married? What if you have children? If you think the anger issues will go away when you get married or have children, you are blinding yourself to a future of hurt. Unless he gets it checked or is open to anger management, I would cut the relationship off. If he threatens you or gets angry when you try to end the relationship, do what you must to get away and END IT. The present is a good indication of what is to come and you do not want to put yourself in a situation that could end up a hazard to your health and well-being as well as that of a child.
In short, it would probably be better to get out of the relationship as even you are aware of the anger issues. It would save yourself from the mess later. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for yourself. That is not selfish. We must take care of ourselves and be okay ourself before we can be in a relationship with someone else.
If you are adamant about keeping the relationship going, remember: You cannot change him. Only he can make that mental decision, and no matter what you do, you can't do it for him. He either does or doesn't. If you are in it for the long haul and honestly believe you both can make it work, try counseling. Don't think you can work it out on your own because you can't. If he has anger issues, he needs to see a professional to prevent if from exploding into something worse later.
If he refuses to see a professional, he is not admitting his anger problem and is therefore beyond what you can do for him. Don't stay around out of pity or the hopes that you can make him a better person. If he won't do it for you or acknowledge his problem, how is it ever going to get better for you both?
A happy relationship and a strong relationship is one where both persons are strong individuals and can survive without the other. Co-dependency is a recipe for disaster.
I hope everything works out for you and I hope what I said helps.
-Charlotte
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