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He's sweet, but way too clingy!
I'm 19/f, and I've been dating my boyfriend (also 19) for almost a year.
We recently had a little "break" because we kept fighting and arguing. Now that we're back together, he's starting to drive me crazy again. Only this time, he's being way too clingy. I love him and I appreciate the fact that he's trying to remain close and intimate, but it's gotten to the point to where he whines when I have to go home and he holds me so tight and kisses me all over my face that I can barely breathe. Whenever we're alone he squeezes me and puts up a fight when I try to literally PRY him off. When we're on the phone I'll say I have to go and he'll say "BUT I LOVE YOU" over and over again.
When I tell him he needs to chill and just turn the possessiveness down, he pouts and whines and says he feels rejected, and he gives me huge guilt trips. But I don't even want to have sex anymore- I just want an arms-length of room.
It's making me not look forward to seeing him, because I know he's gonna be RIGHT THERE in my face, he'll even grab my head and turn it so I have to face him when we're watching TV. How do I get this to stop without hurting his *delicate* feelings? PLease help..
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You absolutely do not need to appreciate being bullied, pushed around and guilted in your relationship...
There is really no delicate way to handle this. Nor does this degree of cling deserve a delicate response.
You are way past anything reasonable, it's time to just hurt him.
This boy needs a swift emotional kick in the balls. Even if it ends your relationship, it'll will be the kindest thing you can do for him.
The only time this sort of behavior is acceptable is when a four year old feels this way about their mommy.
Stop letting him push you around with his emotions. Stand up for your own, and be brutally honest.
If this behavior is going to kill your relationship (and it is) tell him as much.
I'd go with something as harsh as this:
You feel rejected? I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm not rejecting you. Not yet.
But if you don't get a hold on this behavior, it will probably kill our relationship
Because I FEEL BULLIED. I feel like you don't respect my time or my choices. I feel like I'm being pushed around and guilted every time I think or do something that isn't about you.
We need to respect each other or we can't be in a relationship.
I need you to respect me by not demanding the phone call continue for ten more minutes after I say I have to leave.
I need you to respect me by not physically forcing me to be closer to you, no turning my head, no grabbing me.
I need you to respect me by realizing that your feelings are not my fault. Of course I want you to be honest with me about your feelings, but being honest is different then blaming me every time you aren't getting 100% of my attention.
If you can't respect me in these ways, our relationship is going to end, because I can't be with you anymore unless this changes.
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Well, personally I think you should appreciate it. Now I'm not saying this is easy, but it's obvious he doesn't want to lose you again. So next time you see him, sit him down and say something like "look, you are being way too clingy. I mean I love you too, but you don't need to be in my face every second of every day. I'm not going anywhere so chill out." Maybe that will do the trick? Hope i helped :]
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