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seeing my ex for the first time since the break up
18/f
I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months during the first weekend of October. A lot of things were just building up. I went to college four hours away and he didn't go to college at all. I'm in a major that requires a lot of time in a studio. Sometimes I don't get back to my room until 2 or 3 in the morning, sometimes I don't go back at all and he didn't really understand how dedicated I was to it then whenever I would get home I would call him and he'd still be with his friends..at 3 in the morning. And I'm not saying it was just on weekends or a few days a week. It was everyday! I loved him dearly, more than anyone before and he was the one I lost my virginity to. But our relationship basically existed through texting and then whenever one of us could visit all we'd do was have sex. Well I started to fall out of love with him and didn't think it was fair to drag him along in a relationship if the feelings weren't equal. So I said "I love you but not enough for this to work" and he took that as me not loving him at all. It was a nasty break up and he was angry for a while and I got a lot of hateful texts from him and the drunken phone calls and he used to make me feel like shit for hurting him and all I kept doing was apologizing until one night he really pissed me off and I told him I was over it and I yelled at him a lot for being such an ass. In the 8 months that we dated he NEVER saw the angry side of me towards anyone so when he got me angry it sort of slapped him in the face and he woke up and apologized. The other night he texted me just to say hey and I'm not the type of person who can just ignore him. Well he kept bringing up random topics to keep the conversation going and even admitted that he was just trying to make conversation with me. I'll see him over thanksgiving break to pick up all of my stuff from his house and it'll be the first time I've seen him since we broke up. I know a part of me still loves him. And I think a part, or all of him still loves me, he's never kept in contact with any other ex before. I never felt like breaking up was 100% the best decision but I just figured our time was up. Now that I'll be seeing him I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if I'll be able to resist kissing him and I really don't know if I want to get back together or not but I don't want to give him false hope. Another rather huge part of the story. We had unprotected sex a few days before we broke up and I'm about 90% sure I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago, and I talked to his sister(who's had a miscarriage) and she said it sounded like I did. He doesn't know about it though.
So two questions.
Should I talk to him about how I'm feeling?
Should I tell him about the miscarriage?
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Personally it is up to you whether you want to tell him about the miscarriage. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to that. However keep in mind that you are no longer carrying the baby and unless you have a good point in telling him I would probably just leave it at where it is. If you have told him that you feel out of love than he should know enough to get the point instead of harassing you with nasty text messages. For one, Good for you for putting yourself first. Do I think you should tell him how you are feeling? Yes and No. If you no longer want to be with him keep reassuring him that you are moving on. A relationship that is basically text messages is not a relationship that is going to be successful. If you two had sex when you two met all the time than clearly that is all it was. I'm not saying that when he text you saying "I'm not the type of person you can just ignore" was a threat or what but if he doesn't stop bother you maybe step up to the plate and become more direct and stern with him.
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Try to look at this from an outside point of view as if you and he were characters in a book. Are you the same person you were when you left for college? Is he the same person he was? If the answer to the first if yes and the second is no, then you made the right choice in breaking up with him. There is no going back on that and any physical contact like kissing him will only create confusion for both of you. Obviously, you're evolving as a person. Your showing him your angry side proves that to you, doesn't it? Plus, in college, you're making new friends, learning new things and creating your own destiny. He's still at home partying until the morning. As far as the miscarriage, what possible good could telling him do? His sister either has told him or will tell him. And if she doesn't, let it go. Buck up and control your physical desires, if any, for him and let him and you both heal and learn from this. You sound smart and smart is attractive. You'll probably meet someone else sooner than you're ready and he will help you cope with breaking up with your "first time".
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