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roommate drama
Okay, so I'm not quite sure how to begin so I will provide you with some background information as well as the actual dilemma. I live with a guy, Tim, who up until a little while ago believed he was gay. My other roommate, Susan, is best friends with me as well as Tim. I was drinking socially with Tim and a friend, Nick, one night and he was joking around about the fact that Tim needed to test out his "am I gay" theory and I needed to get laid, so he suggested with get them both out of the way by having sex with each other. Had we been completely sober I don't think I would have gone along with him, but in the past I had kind of liked him before I found out he was gay and he's a real good friend, so I agreed to it. I found out the next day, that he's had feelings for me the whole time and that's why he was questioning his sexual preference. We dated for about two weeks until Susan completely freaked on us when we told her about our intentions as well as recent events, and she told us she felt really awkward and that she wanted to move out if we were going to continue dating. (She assumed it would end because of her complete convincing that he's gay, and that bi isn't an option) Though one thing I don't understand is that she said she didn’t want us dating because it would make her feel awkward, but didn't want us not to date for her sake because that would also make her awkward; so what were we to do right? Well, we didn't want her to move out because she's our best friend but after less than a week we were feeling very much sexual tension and ended up making-out on the couch one night after seemingly harmless flirting. That was almost a month ago. We have been dating since then and she doesn't know about it. I feel terrible about lying to her, well technically she hasn't asked, but we haven't told her either, so it's as bad as lying about it. I hate not being honest with her, but I guess that's the price I pay for keeping something this huge from your best friend. I mean, I usually talk to her about everything, I just can't tell her about this because it will mean the end of our friendship as well as the end of my and Tim's relationship. I truly value both; is it justified that we keep quiet? I would never risk a friendship over a relationship, but this is two separate friendships that I'd rather not compete against each other because they are both different. I guess what I'm asking is more your opinion rather than what to do, because I think we both know that I'm going to do what I want, which is to remain in the secret relationship. Thank you for your time and opinion.
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i suggest u have a long talk with susan. she needs to understand it is your life and not hers-she cannot run YOUR life. you make your own descisions and so does tim. if susan was a real friend, she would quit being selffish. she needs to get over being awkward and be a friend to both you and tim and i believe a real friend would be happy for the both of you--unless she is jealous and had feelings for tim. know what i mean? anyways just talk to her about it. if you and tim want to become public you should be able to. you are adults and can make your life how you want it. i understand you dont want to hurt susan but she should not want to hurt you either.
if she is adamant about you two not being together-find another roomate and question your friendship.
good luck with everything. i know its hard but atleast you and tim are in it together and on the same page-thats a blessing
and good luck to your relationship!
it sounds like that show will and grace!
anyways have a good day
:)
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I am going to give yout he benifit of a doubt and say your a pretty descent guy.
But you have to relize that some girls, like Susan I am guessing, arn't comfortable being around gay men. She may not care you are together, she just may not want to see it! Like in the book the bermudez triangle, you should check it out.
Anyways. I think you should tell her that you and her are best friends, and you hope that will never change. But you also care about Tim, and he is your boyfriend and you like him on a whole other level.
Tell her you want to stay friends! Of course, but you understand if she isn't comfortable, and you will help her look for some where else if she needs help! You wouldn't ever want to make her stay against her own will!
As for you, don't be selfish! Susan moving out gives you space, so you CAN keep each relationship ( friend and love life) seperate! Plus you and Tim can do whatever when your at home, exept if Susan visits, freely! WIthout any hard feelings!
C.D.
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