Question Posted Tuesday September 22 2009, 12:51 pm
I am A 36 year old Gay man who has been in a relationship for over 7 months. We hit it off right away, and everything was going good. I then found A profile on a friend sight that he was single and looking for action, I have even him caught him chatting to other guys in a sexual nature, but he states that the profile was only a joke, and that I should not take it serious, because I am the only one for him. Even though he knows I am not happy about his profile, he still hasn't changed it. On top of that, Our sexual relationship is almost non existant, unless I make the first move. I am also the one who always calls him, he never makes an effort to call me, And he still keeps a picture of his ex in his wallet. Everything he tells me reassures that he cares about me, But his actions tell a different story. He has been in long term relationships in the past, and has been hurt just like anybody else, I know he also has a problem with alcohol. Do you think I am dating someone who Is not ready to settle down and have a commitment, Or someone who is not into me?
Razhie answered Tuesday September 22 2009, 4:22 pm: You are dating someone who isn't that into you, or isn't ready to be that into you. Doesn't really matter which, or why.
Seven months of commitment it's only sane to expect your partner to be either in the relationship, or out of it.
He's not being frank with you about his online activity and you know it. Sounds like you suspect he isn’t perfectly open about his drinking behaviour either.
The question you have to ask yourself is this:
Is this relationship so deeply important to you that these issues things you want to put effort into addressing?
Is this guy just not that into you, and not into the things you want from a relationship?
Confront, or Cut Ties.
I'd go with number two.
No point in stringing it out, or accusing him and picking fights when you've already figured out you aren't a good match. Just let him know in a friendly but direct way, thanks but no thanks, you just aren’t the guy for me at this point in my life.
This isn’t one small issue. This is a whole bunch of the collection of traits that make him, him. I really don’t think you can ‘talk this out’ ‘cause right now, I suspect you’re settling for this guy. Stop that. Aim for better, with someone else. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
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