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flirty personality gets me in trouble.
19 years old female.
i always have a problem. it's with guys. i don't want a relationship, i just want to have fun!:) and i have a naturally flirty personality; i don't try to be like that, its just how i am. in that case, its so hard for me to be just friends with a guy because they always end up liking me, and i dont feel the same! its such an awkward situation though because i feel soooo bad saying i just want to be friends, because i hate hurting people! and when they tell me how hot and stuff i am, it just becomes even more awkward to the point where i don't want to hang out with them anymore..
some don't tell me they like me, but how they talk to me pretty much gives me the hint and i just dont know what to do anymore!
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At nineteen, there isn't much you can do.
The good news is it's probably as much about them as it is about you.
Guys at nineteen are still learning how to be 'just friends' with girls. Same goes for girls. During our young teens we tend to have our boyfriend or girlfriend, and then all the other people who we are really close too, are generally our own gender. Not true for everyone, but true for most.
Learning how to have an intimate friendship with people of the opposite gender, without sex getting in the way, is something that doesn't really happen 'till your twenties and thirties.
The guys you are talking to will learn not to think that every girl who flirts with them is actually interested and you'll learn to stop the guys with whom you can have a flirty friendship and how to treat that guys who CAN'T handle that kind of friendship, with respect and how to maintain friendships you can both enjoy.
The fact you are nervous about this and realize it's a problem is the exactly right place to be at this point in your life. You know you need to make some changes, so here are some suggestions:
Watch out for guys who 'need' to be a relationship, and who jump quickly from monogamous relationship to monogamous relationship. When they start hanging out with you a lot: They are looking for a girlfriend replacement. Don't become it.
Watch for guys who consistently show you preferential treatment. If you tease them with playful insults, and they respond with compliments, they aren't a 'flirting friendship'. If in a large group of girls and guys they always seek just you out to talk too, they are seeking approval and your attention, they aren’t behaving like ‘just friends’.
The final thing is to stop being a doormat. I bet most people who know you wouldn’t call you that, but that’s the problem: Stop being so damn nice. When a guy makes you uncomfortable, don’t gloss over it and retreat or playfully ignore it. Guys can be total MORONS: They take that ‘She’s shy’ or ‘She’s unsure’ or ‘She’s playing hard to get’. Hit them over the head with the Big Bat of Obviousness “Haha, that’s funny, but you know I’m not into you like that right? Flirting jokes are just a fun and part of our friendship.” If they feel it means more, let them know if they aren’t happy with it being a ‘flirty friendship’ and it NOT meaning more, then they need to stop the behaviour that makes them unhappy or confused, and that you will try to cut it out too.
Don’t be timid. Don’t tiptoe around the truth. That IS leading them on. Learn to stand up for what you want from your friendships.
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