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Self-Conscious About Getting Intimate
This was kinda of split between two categories so sorry if you feel its in the wrong place.
So to start with I've never really been a petite girl. I'm 5'5" give or take an inch. I've inherited a large frame from my dad's side to start with. I realize I'm never going to look like Eva Longoria but I'd just like to not feel so huge anymore. When I went through puberty I had a little extra weight because I didn't do much outside cheer practice. I think I was about 145 lbs then. Freshman year I was still that big. Sophomore year I quit cheer and ate less. I lost weight and got down to 128 was my lowest. To me that's still not as small as I'd like to be, but it's the smallest I was. I've always thought of myself as fat. End of high school I weighed like 138.
When I met my boyfriend 7 months ago I weighed 144, I was already trying to lose weight because I was self-conscious about it. He doesn't think I'm fat but honestly I don't care what he thinks. This is something I think about constantly every day. It's always on my mind. Since I met him I lost my old job and had to get a job as a waitress. At the restaurant I get free food when I'm working, and they don't have the healthiest things to eat there. I'm limited in what I can eat because I'm a vegetarian.
Since I've started working there I've gained 10 lbs. This has not helped my self image AT ALL. I'm disgusted with myself. This is the biggest I've ever been and I hate it. I'm to the point that I've been looking at anorexia websites for tips. I know that sounds horrible and I'm not proud of it but I don't know what else to do.
It's like I sit here and tell myself this is the last straw, I'm gonna eat like 1 banana all day tomorrow that's it. (I know that's not healthy but at this point I don't care). I tell myself all these efforts I'm going to make but then when it comes time that I'm hungry the fact that I'm trying to lose weight doesn't even cross my mind. I look for something quick and easy instead of taking the time to cut up an apple for a snack. SOMETIMES I'll remember and those times I eat super healthy. But I can't seem to get myself to make the effort to lose weight.
Now the reason this is in the category this is in is because I can't bring myself to be intimate with my boyfriend at all. When I was smaller I never had a problem with other guys but now that I'm this big that's all I can think about when he asks me. Like that's all he would see is my fat rolls and I'm so disgusting don't look at me. So I'll make up excuses like I just don't feel comfortable with my roommate in the next room and blah blah. So then when my roommate goes out then I have to come up with some other excuse like I'm on my period or I have cramps....It's getting ridiculous. We've been dating for 7 months and we haven't had sex yet because I can't bring myself to do it.
I need to lose this weight NOW so I can get over this I'm sick of hating myself.
I don't care how unhealthy it is I don't care about anything anymore I just want to be thin.
***I need some tips of how to remind myself not to eat unhealthy.
I dont want to write it on my hand, and I can't write a note in the kitchen because my roommate (who weighs like 90lbs and eats like a teenage boy) will see it and I'm embarrassed about it. If it's something physical it needs to be something I can leave in my room.
***I also need some tips of how to force myself to get into the gym or force myself to do a small workout at home. I don't have any workout equipment at home (unless you count the Wii Fit lol) but I could go buy some weights or maybe a yoga dvd? Do you think that would help? I don't want to waste money if it wont help.
And does anybody have any advice on how I can get over this self-consciousness with my boyfriend? I really want to enjoy our physical relationship but right now I can't and it's causing a lot of fights between us.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Your obsession with your weight and your obsession interfering with your enjoyment of life is more concerning to me then your weight issue itself. When you obsess over something and allow that obsession to interfere with the everyday enjoyment of life, are two of the classic signs of depression. Depression alone can be the cause of your weight gain. How do I know this? I suffer from Depression due to injuries resulting from an auto accident.
Crash diets and all those fad diets won’t work especially for someone who may be suffering from depression. The frustration factor is just too high and the end result is you will not lose any weight and main gain some.
According to diet finds.com, at your height you are a few pounds below the high side of the weight scale for your height. You say you are big bone and big framed so this weight area is probably not as bad as you are making it out to be. According to the chart the target weight for height is 136 pounds. I would add another 5 to 10 pounds for being large framed and large boned.
Suggestions: The first thing you should do is find out if you are suffering from some form of depression. Start with your family doctor he/she will most likely refer you to another doctor for evaluation and possible medication. That doctor will also refer you to a therapist to help you get to the root cause(s) of the problem and how to deal with it.
Next, start trying to enjoy life. Let your boyfriend be intimate with you. If you will feel more comfortable keep your bedroom dark. Just remember one thing: Your boyfriend was attracted to you by more than just outer beauty. Remember the old saying, “beauty is only skin deep”. Your boyfriend wants to make love to you the person not you the body. After 7 months of companionship without sex I think you should understand he is in love with you the person not you the body.
Thanks to Hollywood and Madison Avenue we all want bodies like the models, actors and actresses. Fact is most of them do not have the bodies we see in the magazines thanks to airbrushing, camera tricks and let’s not forget plastic surgery. So please take my advice and see a doctor, stop worrying about your weight and start enjoying life.
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okay i know what your feeling despite my age. i used to have a problem with my weight not that i was huge i guess but eating like one thing in a day was what i did and everytime i went to go get something to eat i would look at the calories and if it was over 200 i didnt eat it. it was so bad i hated feeling like i couldnt eat anything and constantly thinking how much calories this is. so what im trying to say not eating gets really bad quick and hard to get over. and you dont loose weight fast it actually keeps the wieght on more. if you cant go to the gym on a certain day and have a lap top. then go to seventeen.com and they have great work outs for you to do in all areas. of your body parts. for the eating part you can sigh up for weight watchers if. or they have eat healty meals it has less to eat its all about portion. like when your eating preztles and it says 12 pretzles a serving eat 12. its hard to eat healthy i know but if you dont have it in the house you wont eat it. make it okay to have ice cream or something like that once a week. keep a picture of what you want to look like in your room. even though you might not look like that. your not going to be perfect no one is everyone has rolls i have them and im 5'5 and wiegh 133 of what ever around there. just remember its not about the number its how you feel and look about yourself. also when you and your guy want some alone time or he does. you have to get the fact that you THINK you look bad and your rolls and what not. hes not going to care hes not going to tell you to stand in the middle of the room with the lights on to look at you and point out your flaws. honostly they dont even think of that. im sure he doesnt care its you who he likes. just dont think about what you look like because thats going to frek you out in anything and keep you away from doing certain things. i know its not easy to just stop thinking that way, but when you start excersising and eating just a little bit right your going to feel good and happy.
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