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Afraid to dream, terrified of being hurt...again
Today is my 6 month anniversary with my boyfriend. He's picture perfect in every way, I could start telling you about all the things he does for me but I think my fingers would get tired of typing. He's everything I've ever wanted and according to him I am what he's spent years looking for. Everyone sees us together for a long time and deep down inside I do too and so does he. We'll be going to college (me for 6 years, him for one) and after he's done with school he's moving so he can live with me while I finish school. We've planned our lives out already and I'm loving every bit of the plan but I can't stop thinking about the what-ifs. I've had other boyfriends and went through my first love but I've never been so deeply in love as I am now and I know if anything ever happened to us I'd be an absolute wreck. I'm always thinking "What if I'm tempted by the guys at college" (my major is dominated by men so I'd be surrounded by guys although I know that I would never cheat, I think its disgusting). "What if we lose touch while we're apart" (in different states for college. about 5 hours apart) "What if I get bored" (happened with my first boyfriend after 4 months)"What if I miss him so badly in college that my grades start slipping" "What if we get stressed and start fighting over stupid stuff which leads to our downfall".
I know they're rediculous ideas but there's a part of me thats still afraid of the answers to those what ifs. This is the first relationship for both of us where we felt like we could really spend the rest of our lives with each other. Guys like this are too good to pass up so I need help letting go of all the what if's and just learning to take it one day at a time.
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First of all... an answer on advicenators won't resolve something like this unless you believe in yourself and trust yourself and take action.
I've been almost 6 months with my boyfriend and ditto on the perfect front. I couldn't change him for the better if I tried.
If you really do love him more than you ever have loved anyone, you really shouldn't worry so much. You sound like you know what you're doing and you realise how wrong cheating is. I used to worry about the what if's constantly and my boyfriend told me there are no what if's. We live in this moment here and now, and whatever our world seems like today could change tomorrow. But love doesn't come and go with the wind.. it sticks around. Nothing's just going to happen by itself, it's up to you two to keep up the contact and I know how hard it can be. My boyfriend and I have been through so much to the point of my parents now forbidding us seeing each other.
Obstacles can be overcome. But what's most important is to keep the contact and communication open. Make sure you are on mutual grounds about where you stand in the relationship and see if you can trust each other to not lose touch when away. I've had the same doubts as you but at the end of the day it comes down to believing your love and understanding what he means to you.
Don't worry about the future, it'll be fine if you trust and stick by your love and each other =]
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Wow girl I can relate to you. I talked to this guy for about a year and 3 months and we also made plans(and we werent even dating)he lived in houston while I live in RioGrande city...We where 6 hours apart...and trust me.it sounds close but it aint.I stopped talking to him because I was like you.He was two years younger than I was and well honestly I wouldnt see much future with him.I was in college while he was still a junior in high school.I always thought about the "what if he is not good, or what if my family dont like him, or what if he turns out to be a drunkie like his father, and yattty yattty yattta." Girl Ive learned to just live the moment.Ivenever had a boyfriend and I am 19years old.WOW,that must be a bummer for you...lol jk.BUT yea,I personally Im not in a rush you know.Same with you.Dont rush the future.Just live the moment.Hey if he meets someone else, just have the thought that god knows why he does things.THEY ALL HAVE THEIR PURPOSE...same with you.If you meet someone else and you find that someone charming..well sweety let me tell you this, it might be for a reason.Just make sure your honest about everything your feeling with your boyfriend and make sure he tells you how he feels as well.And again try not to worry about the what if's, because eventually your gonna make them happen if you keep thinking about them.
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I understand why you have all these questions in your head. First of all, stop worrying! That just makes it worse. Try sitting with your boyfriend and talking to him about what you guy's are going to do when you're apart. Maybe bring up calling eachother every night (not sure about this one because it may get annoying) and/or every other day or whatever you prefer so you guy's keep in touch while at college. Of course, whenyou have time off from classes (holidays, etc) go and meet up somewhere.I'm sure you'll work a good schedule out if you guy's just sit down and talk about it.
You obviously are very in love with your boyfriend, so I doubt you'll be tempted by any other guys. Some things you can do to make sure of that? Focus on your work! Not on the guys in your class. That doesn't mean you can't be friends or hang out with any of them. Just remember; you have a very good guy who you love a lot, and who loves you too. You even said you wouldn't cheat, so don't worry about that !
I really doubt you'll lose touch. As I said before, you guy's are obviously very in love! Try talking to him, like I said before, and tell him you want to make sure that before you leave, there's a schedule worked out so you guy's can keep in touch. And, plus, I really doubt he wouldn't want to keep in touch with you, especially since you're dating. You can even visit eachother on weekends. It's only 5 hours.
I'm very sure you won't get bored. You'll have classes to focus on and everything. The reason it probably didn't work out with the last boyfriend was most likely not only because of boredom, but because you just didn't have a connection and love him as much as you do your current boyfriend. So, don't worry about getting bored.
You will miss him, no doubt about that. And, I'm sure he'll miss you too! The most important thing to do, besides keeping in touch, is maybe try bringing stuff that reminds you of him. You know..like things he gave you for maybe a birthday, holiday, etc. You can even bring a picture of you both. I know it won't help A LOT but it will help a little. This also relates back to the keeping in touch part. However, I really doubt you'll flunk or anything. Remember to FOCUS!
You can't avoid fights. They come natural in a relationship. But, if you just try some idea's that you may have to be able to still keep in touch, see eachother, etc, I'm sure the fight's won't be over stupid little things. And, I doubt it will all lead to the "downfall" of the relationship. Very rare that will happen all because of little fights. Can't guarantee their won't be any fights though.
You're right. Guy's like that are too good to pass up! So, stop worrying. Just remember all the plans you made for eachother in the future! Maybe that will help you. And, don't forget how strong your love is for eachother, obviously. As you said, take it one day at a time.
Here's a link on how to deal with College stress...just incase you may ever have any (which happens often among college students):
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And here's a link on how to deal with long distance relationships:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good luck, hope I helped! :)
Feel free to inbox me if you need anymore advice!
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