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S.O.S. Why cant i stop thinking about it?? :.( (kinda long)
ok, i cant get my past out of my head. ive been through alot of shyt in my life.
heres how it starts:
when i was younger my mom took me out of state away from my dad. my mom tried filling my head with crap like my dad was going to kill us if he finds us. and so i didnt see him for about 9 years.
before i saw my dad:
i lived in shelter after shelter, never in a stable home.
my mom use to beat me when i was asleep and awake, everyday i went to school bruised up...one day i got tierd of my mom beating me so i hit her back and she called the cops(this happened twice)
i always got in fights at school(i always won(just sayig) and i got suspended for it. one time i punched this chicks face in so bad, her parent pressed charges(the charges droped because the chick moved away). i always skiped school and class.
I use to make my self throw up...not because i didnt like the way my body looked, but because of some of the shyt that happening.
when i was in 5th or 6th grade i almost died...i kept getting strip-throat and it turned into mono and both sides of my neck were swollin' litterally the size of tenis balls, i went to the hospital...i was in there for about a month and a half they gave me some meds and then i had to goback cause i had a servere reaction i was in the hospital again for another 2 weeks or so...
then i moved in with my dad and all seemed to get better!!!:)
that pretty much it...
i cant get all this shyt out head...
help me!!!
what do i do???? im desperate for the right answer to make me not think about my past!!!
HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
From what you have written it sounds as if you were an abused by your mother. This is something you are not going to get out of your head by exercise or finding something else to occupy your thoughts.
What I believe you need is professional help to learn to deal with the abuse. The first thing you need to do is talk with your father. If he does not already know what you went through with your mother then you need to tell him and to tell him what is going through your thoughts and how you feel. Then you can call the National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) for help and advice.
There is also a website I found for victims of child abuse. The URL is: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). You may find some useful information here to help you.
Most importantly you need to find a therapist trained in Child Abuse to help you. This is something that has happened to you, you cannot will it away, ignore it or pretend it did not happen. What you can do, and thankfully you are no longer living in the position of daily abuse by your mother, is learn how to put what has happened in the proper perspective and deal with this. The abuse your mother gave you was not your fault. You did nothing to deserve it. Whatever she said, whatever she told you, you did to justify her abuse of you was wrong and an out and out lie. Her verbal attacks as well as the physical attacks were just forms of the abuse that you did nothing to bring upon yourself.
In therapy you will learn how to put all of this in the proper prospective as well as to speak with someone who will keep everything you tell them confidential. Once you have learned to deal with your past it will not bother you in the future and you can move ahead with your life. So talk to your father and ask him to help you get the help you need.
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Hi :]
Well wow hun, you had alot go on in your life, it's not a surprise you look back on it. I'm sorry for all that's happened to you as a child, considering no child should have to go through the types of things you've gone through. On the other end though I'm assuming everything has changed around (???)... I'm hoping you're doing better in school, that you're not causing yourself to throw up anymore, etc.. Because it's unnecessary, you know?
Well to answer your question as to how to get these things out your head, there's many ways :D
I also had drama as a child, but I used music and poetry to express my feelings and feel better. Lol I'd take my CD player and blast that music out my headphones, ignore everything around me and just focus on how meaningful music lyrics can be.
Poetry was my passion, because I am a very quiet and shy person, so talking to someone was out of the question. I would put all my heart, my soul, and my tears onto that piece of paper I was writing, which got me alot of recognition from friends when I eventually got the courage to show a few.
Also, you can talk to people. Counselors, close trustworthy friends, dad maybe? Talking does help, crying helps too but I'm not sure if you like letting it out that way.
Eventually with my poetry and music and other interests, I got over the bad moments and just look forward to my future which I hope to succeed in and I hope that someday you'll feel the same way too :D good luck!!
Uniq
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First i wanna say im really sorry that happened to you, it must have been tough. When i start thinking into something i dont want to think about, i do something else. Like say i cant sleep because thats all im thinking about. I'll get up, get something to eat and watch some tv until i feel better. Just try to concentrate on other things. The good things. School, friends, someone you like, what you wanna do later or the next day. Just try to keep yourself busy.
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You can't forget stuff that has happend throughout your life. Obviously, you didn't have a good childhood. I'm sorry..but that stays with you forever. It's pretty much like a scar =/.
What you can do is focus on the good things that are happening in life. Focus on positive things! You seem happy to be with your dad! So, try to put the past behind you and focus on being happy, healthy, and being able to live life.
Maybe even try therapy. By doing that, you can get things off your chest, and be able to I guess "move on" somehow. Try it, you never know..it might actually help!
Good luck. :)
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