|
humorist-workshop
I hate my life.
Sorry if this is the wrong category... This might be long. xD Please don't give me a hard time about what I'm about to say, and don't tell me to simply "get over it' either." -.- So I pretty much hate my life. I'm 14/f, going to be a freshman in high school soon. I've been feeling this way since 7th grade, but I think it got much much worse in 8th grade, and I think it's even worse now. I'm tired of all this crap and drama, I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm unworthy of living, I have lots of regrets. I also feel like I'm never good enough, and that I'm a horrible person. I think I'm such a bitchy person, but I can't help it. :\ I know I won't be, nor do i want to be the BEST at EVERYTHING. o.o but it just affects my confidence and self-esteem. I hate that I do this, but I let things get to me A LOT. :| I won't explain EVERYTHING in detail though. I feel like I have nothing to live for, other than friends. I don't look forward to tomorrow. I'm just pessimistic or something. What do I have to live for? My thoughts of life is that you just go to school, then after that you go to work, then retire. It's like the suckish parts of my life seem to overpower the happy moments. On top of all of that, my "best friend" has moved on from our friendship I guess. I don't think she wants to be my best friend anymore. I know I've done some mean and bitchy things towards her, but I always end up apologizing. Except this time, outta nowhere, on Facebook, her status was something like "I don't care anymore, I've had enough. You can run away from my life, I'm not going to beg you to come back. At least treat me as a person, it's not all about you." This time, I HONESTLY don't even know what I did! This all just seemed out of the blue. (this happened maybe 2-3 months ago.) I know I do NOT think it's all about me. I apologized to her and asked if she was mad at me... She said she wasn't. It's like I'm always the one who's apologzing. I know she was lying though, even though she said she wasn't. I mean, what can I do this fix things when she wouldn't tell me what I did wrong? I feel like she completely blew me off for no reason which sucks. We WERE really good friends though. We had plenty of good times. I miss it. I know it's probably bitchy to say, but she got on my nerves from time to time. I thought she was fake and a copier. -.- I know, I'm a bad friend for saying this. You'd probably have to be in my shoes to understand... but really, at that time when she said that on her status, I don't know what I did. Now she's found "new best friends" I guess. Sometimes she hangs out with other people too. The thing is, I just feel like she's intentionally trying to show off to me. That she's hanging out with other people, and that she doesn't need to hang out with me to have a good time. We used to hang out all the time, and we had a bunch of fun. She even hung out with one of our good guy friends today, and with other people.... WITHOUT me. I don't think it bothers me as much, it's just that I have a feeling she's trying to rub it in my face. ;__; It kinda offended me. Everything she does, I just feel like it's so fake, and an attempt to show off to me. It gets to me SO MUCH. She doesn't think it, but I honestly think she's spoiled. It's kinda hard to explain. I don't think this came out right, so I'll probably get some answers I didn't want to hear. Sorry, I'm not good at explaining things. -__- I HAVE thought about suicide before. I don't think I'd actually commit it though. It just sucks when ONE person makes you feel so angry and baffled, to the point where you have thoughts about suicide. I can't stand her. :( I have a hard time getting over things. I'm definitely not jealous of her, though sometimes I am. It just made me mad that she planned a whole hangout thing with one of our good guy friends. And that he attended it. ;__; I think I CAN get over things. It's just that I keep thinking about it, and have doubts, you know? I have this feeling of paranoia that never goes away. D: That my "friend" thinks, "Oh, haha wow. My life is soo better than hers. I have good friends, I don't need her. HAHA I go out of the house and hang out more than her. I hang out with a lot of friends. I wonder how she feels about me hanging out with Chad.".... She's also like "I had a lot of fun today on the go-karts, bumper cars, arcade, etc, etc, at All-Sports today with ___, ____, ____, ___, ___, and others. I begged Chad for money and tokens muahah." Does anyone understand how I would feel about reading that? On Facebook, where when you post your status, EVERYONE can see it? I feel so annoyed and crappy. Do you really need to post all the freakin details? I hope you understand or get how I would feel. ;__; Does anyone have any advice on how I can view my life better? Or how I can get over things, and NOT let things get to me so easily? I seriously need help on not letting things get to me. I don't want to feel better by thinking, "OH PSH, my life is SO better than hers, LOL @ her. She's just kidding herself.".... It's just that feeling of paranoia I can't get rid of. D: I CAN'T STAND the fact that she could possibly think she's better than me, and that her life is better than me. Also that she's having more fun with friends and I'm NOT. I don't mean to be overdramatic. :\ This is just how I feel. So in short, all of the things I feel happen almost everyday. I'm never good enough, I suck and fail at life, I don't deserve to live, I'm a horrible person, so why should I deserve to live? Also that I have nothing to live for, and that my friend gets on my nerves, and that I constantly feel so PARANOID... I'm probably leaving out a bunchh of details, but I don't want to make this even longer. I hope someone understands what I mean and how I feel... Again, please don't give me a hard time. I'm just tired of letting things get to me so easily. D:<
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Hello [:
Long story LOL [:,well you're still 14? you've got a long way to go, and trust me the friends you have at school you'll forget them because you'll end up going college or university and just make new ones there just concertrate on school and your starting freshman you don't know who you'll meet,life gets better trust me it does,you've only become a teenager if i were you i'd make every minute worthwhile you dont always get to be a teenager,try to have fun you don't need your bestfriend either? let her run back to you she everntually will,she's probably used to you running back all the time that's why she always acts selfish,just try to enjoy life you've got a long way to goo [:
]
Hey there,
Im going to start off by reassuiring you that you are definately NOT alone and I do understand exactly where your coming from,everyone lf gets feelings like this from time to time I often do.
what worries me though is it seems that your letting yours take over your life.
youve forgotten how to live how to just have fun without thinking to much about things and other people and over anaylising things.
what you need to do is adjust your attitude on life see things in a differnt light,the glass half full instead of half empty.
sometimes I feel like when my best friend goes somewhere without me or hangs out with others and orginises things and i cant go etc,it makes me so angry slightly jealous left out upset paronied,all the things youve mentioned at one point i found it so hard to deal with but what I did was calm myself down and realise how good my life was too i focused on the good things,the oppurtunities I had that she didnt,I told myself I can have just as much fun without her too. when were not together etc
whether your friends facebook status' etc are an attempt to get at you or not so what?
shes having fun. you can too don't waste your time sitting around moping reading too much into other people and things and just let go don't let everything get to you adapt a care free attitude,you can have a happy life too its down to you and what you do about it.
no one can steal your life away from you only yourself,think about it.
shes not doing anything wrong by trying to have a good time(im not defending her im just trying to make a point ;)) and maybe you should just let go of your negative feelings and try to do that also?
if she copies you and tries to act and live like you be flattered! see it as a weakness in her character not being able to be her own person.
forever copying other people thats not going to get her far.
ask chad to hang out sometime with you? get out and do things with other friends don't worry or give any attention to what your other friend is doing,if she is doing it to get at you shes only waiting for a reaction dont give her one.
this girl doesnt seem like shes worth it to be honest,if she excludes you and makes you feel like you forever have to apologise for things you don't even know what youve done.
sure you may have had good times in the past but sometimes there comes a time where its best to just let things go and it works out easier in the end.
shes giving you all theese mixed up feelings and emotions that are clearly not healthy espically if they are giving you suicidal thoughts,you need to relax and re discover a sense of life again,its not all work and school look at the good times.
this was pretty long so I did my very best to interperate,I hope I have correctly! because Like you I understand it can be really hard to get what your thinking or what and how you want to say out right ont paper or on here,ive probably left out half of what I Wanted to say to you so I feel i havnt really helped much though i hope i have a bit,
I know everyone says this but it really wouldnt be a bad idea for you to talk to someone like a counseller about all theese feelings your having they can really help you to understand,to let go and to change for the better,because thats what you need to start to do before it gets worse.
I also sugest maybe talking to your friend,maybe you two can work something out?if you get help dealing with the bitchyness you claim you have,tell her you feel left out sometimes its not always a bad thing to be the one to apologise and admit your wrong if you are,its being the bigger person,but as i said before its not fair to do it all the time,you should just talk to her about exactly how your feeling without coming accross controlling or paronied.
it mainly seems like you need help dealing with your emotions and feelings which is why counselling could really help. or just talking to your mom or a sister or cousin or anyone really.
I really hope I made some sense! and things get better for you,any more questions please inbox me.
much <3 :)
Jess. 15/f
]
Okay for advice to improve your life, i think you need to surround yourself with people who are fun being around. Forget the drama filled people and live your life. And if you feel that you are a bad person the only person that can change that is you. I hope i help in some way and if you need to ask me more qs.
]
More Questions: |