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Losing myself
17/f: I think being with my boyfriend has caused me to lose my sense of identity and independence. We've been together for 9 months, so many of our friends simply refer to us as "they" or "them" rather than by our names. And now I feel like I'm growing too dependent on him and our relationship. A day doesn't feel complete until I talk to him. My parents are strict about hanging out too much, so I've spent all my free time with him and I haven't seen any of my other friends in a while. The worst part is that this is all too familiar. I was like this with my first boyfriend too, except it was much worse. I didn't realize I was distancing from my friends and family away until it was too late. When we broke up, I felt so alone because I had made him the center of my world. I learned from it and didn't let it happen with this boyfriend, but now I feel like it's inevitably starting again. What can I do to "find" myself again? Thanks!
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Thanks for inboxing me. In a way, I feel the same way when I date. But I always end the relationship before it gets too bad, I guess.
Anyway, if you want to keep your identity, first try spending less time with him, not like.. to ditch him, but try spending more time with your friends. And talk to him about it; let him know you need to see your friends, too.
If he gets upset about it, well, he shouldn't be. But if he does, he's probably not a mature person, and it's probably not worth it to stay with him. A guy should realize that girlfriends have friends, and a girl should realize that boyfriends have friends.
--Jack
(17/m)
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