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Sort of like a love triangle
I am in a relationship, with a man who will do absolutely anything for me. ANYTHING. He is forgiving, great to my 3 kids that are not his - just a wonderful man. He loves me. I cant love him back, I think it's because of my girls dad. I love him still and pretend that I dont. We even all hang out together at times. I even make friends with my ex's "candidates". I cant figure out if it is the thick wall I built around my heart due to all the heartaches and dissapointments or if it really is because I still love my ex. I dont think my ex and I can ever be together again. I care about the man I am with dearly but dont see myself loving him or falling in love. My kids are so attached to him and I dont want to stay in it because of that only; as much as I love them - I dont want to be unhappy. I have a decision to make so that hearts are not broken. I need advice on how to handle this. I dont know if I can get up the guts to tell my ex that I do love him still. It is so stupid, because that man has hurt me so much in the past. I dont know what to do. Do I try to continue this relationship? do I let him be? Do I confess to my ex? Do I let my kids down?
My family down? They adore him and think that he is the one. Its been a year and I cant say I love you. Please give me some advice.
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You said your ex has hurt you so much in the past. Why risk it? Why go back with him if there's still that slight chance of him hurting you again. You're always going to have that attachment to your ex because he's the father of your girls. That could be the real reason why you feel anything. Your heartaches and dissapointments are defintely something that could relate to why you don't say "I love you" to your current partner. Your kids love the man you are with now, and yes, it is true you need to be happy, but you also need to keep your kids in mind at all times. Maybe this will help. In your head, think of all the positive things about your ex and your current man. Write it down. Then do the same, but this time writing down negative things about the both. After you're done..look it over thoroughly. It may help you understand who you should be with. Even if your kids do love your new man, you need to find someone who makes you happy and who you know you can love. If that isn't this guy, move on. Your kids should understand you need happiness too. For instance, my mother dated a few guys after my parent's seperated. I was about 5 years old. Everytime she'd break up with a guy she'd sit me and my brother down, and explain to us. I feel that's the best way to handle children. Because this way, they'll understand what you're doing and why. Just because their kids, doesn't mean it won't effect them when someone leaves or enter's your life. You said you don't see you and your ex ever getting back together again. There's a reason for that. Maybe it's because you don't truly love him? That's something you must figure out on your own. I'm sure whatever your decision may be..your kids won't be let down by it. I'm not saying it won't bother them..but as I said before, they should understand you need love and happiness too.. and that means either going back with your ex and trying again, continuing the relationship you're in now to see if you can ever love him, or finding someone new. It's basically your decision on what you think is best for both yourself..and your kids.
Good luck! :)
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You do love the man your are with now, you said it yourself, He's a wonderful man. It will take time for your head and heart to catch up to each other. After my husband left me I didn't think I could love anyone else. I was still in love with him. But I met my boyfriend went out a couple times and then oneday I looked in his eyes and I knew, I loved him. It took years for my boyfriend to say "I Love You". We were both hurt by someone that we did not want to give in to the love. But it grew stronger everyday. We have been together for 15 years now. As President Reagan said "Tear down the wall". Make yourself happy, spend more time with your new man and less with your ex.
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