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is he playing me, hook up or relationship?

Question Posted Thursday July 16 2009, 11:56 pm

okay so my main question is how to tell if a guy just wants to hook up with you, or if he actually is wanting to date you. there is a guy that goes to my school, before we were really never that close but he saw me at a concert when i was HOT and he never left me that night. and then two days after he wanted to hang out with him and he came over, when he confessed he thought i was really beautiful, smart, nice personality and wanted to hook up with me at the concert. we have yet to hook up, and he keeps texting me and trying to hang out with me. he says he wants to get to know me and he always texts me first. how can i tell if he actually likes me or if i am just another hook up. because it seems like a lot of trouble just to hook up with someone, he could have hooked up with me already.

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WittyUsernameHere answered Friday July 17 2009, 3:46 am:
Lala's idea below me isn't a terrible one.

I'll take it one step further. If you want a guy who wants more than hooking up, don't hook up.

How do you tell? First off, as stated below you make it clear that you don't "hook up". I don't care whether you're talking about making out or one night stands, you don't do it.

Guys at your age (I'm guessing 17 or under) are still learning what dating is about and how to be decent men. Learning implies that they aren't decent men but stupid immature boys at that point.

Take all that, and add to it that teens have completely perverted and destroyed any sense of "normal" by continuiously pretending to be adults. The term "hooking up" is an example. Used to be a college term that came into vogue as slang for one night casual sex and its been pirated by teens (like everything else they term "adult" and "cool") and now teens use it for everything from a casual kiss to casual group sex and "hooking up" has become a part of semi-normal teen behavior.

This is a bad thing. Men naturally lean towards efficiency, so when boys are taught that "hooking up" and treating women/girls like disposable sex objects is a normal thing, it can take years to unlearn.

What this means for you, is that if you start with hooking up the chances of being with a guy who will be willing to actually work for sex after you give it up just because you found him attractive are slim to none. The only way to know if a guy will accept more after hooking up is to sleep with him, and then try to make the relationship more.

The likely failure rate of such a process would be somewhere above 90%. Probably less than 1 in 10, closer to 1 in 20 or 1 in 30 would have the maturity to manage that.

You eliminate that by eliminating hooking up. If you want to date people you can't be approaching them open to casual sex or whatever it is you're doing. How do you know when you're more than a hook up?

When he's willing to take you out, when he shows at least as much interest in who you are as what you will do sexually with him, and when he's willing to control himself and his urges out of respect for you.

That last line says alot.

"How can I tell if I'm just another hook up, it seems like alot of trouble because he could have hooked up with me already"

This is a childish perspective backed by childish behavior. Children "hook up" and then wonder if it could be more. Adults "hook up" because they know they don't want more. Well, some adults do, others are still immature idiots.

Relationships are adult things, and if you want one you have to act like an adult yourself. If you don't, how can you expect to find a guy who does as well?

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lalalaflower answered Friday July 17 2009, 3:08 am:
I like what the person below said. You can ask. It's simple. If you'd rather not be so direct (because that's how I used to be), then there's another simple way to tell. It just takes longer. Keep hanging out with him, but whatever you do DON'T hook up. Just get to know him, how he is with girls, ask about past relationships (very casually of course) and then if you guys are on the topic of dating, just randomly say "Oh I don't believe in hooking up" As a guy that just wants to hook up, he would probably play it off and then stop contacting you so often. But if he keeps talking to you then keep hanging out with him, and eventually if he sees your really not gonna hook up with him unless you guys are dating, then he will do something... You just need to have patience...just have fun getting to know him in the meantime. take things slow. Enjoy it! =D

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sousou1234567 answered Friday July 17 2009, 1:20 am:
Very easy ... Simple as that

Ask him ... Yup just ask him

Like when he asks you to hang out be straight forward and very honest, and just ask "is that a date?"

And continue your life from there

Good Luck =]=]

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