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Am I off-base here?
I'm 21. Boyfriend (Eric) is 24. His brother (Allen) is 21, his brother's girlfriend (Mary) is 19, if it matters.
Mary's family has a lake house and a boat. She and Allen have been together about a year and a half. My guy (Eric) and I have been together for about four. Eric often goes over to Mary's house with Allen, and they all go on the boat and do fun things. I'm never invited because Allen hates me.
Mary doesn't have a problem with me, but she won't argue with Allen over me, and I don't want her to. I get upset, and yes a little jealous, when Eric goes over there. I feel like I should be allowed to join in whenever there are girlfriends involved. I understand that it's Mary's house and therefore she has the final say in who shows up, but Allen is the only reason I get left out.
I've spoken to Eric about this before, and he always says "It's not my call." I would really like just once for him to say he won't come unless I can, too. I've mentioned this, too, but he says they don't care if he comes or not. Doing fun things is important to him - he doesn't want to jeopardize that by trying to force them to let me come. I wind up smiling, saying "go have fun," and pretending I'm not upset when I actually cry over this sometimes.
I don't want him to not have fun because of me, but I feel like I should be allowed to do fun things with him, too. I mean, we have fun on our own, and it's not like we don't spend any time together, but I love being in big groups and doing different things. Eric and I are both short on cash right now, and I'm actually very jealous that he gets to do things like go hang around on a boat and drink with his brother and Mary, and I'm sitting here doing nothing. Even when I go out with other friends, I'm still hurt because I feel like Eric should've invited me.
I hate feeling this way, and I've tried many times to talk myself out of it, but I can't. It's always at the back of my mind and it drives me crazy. I'm not a jealous person, so this really sucks.
As my subject line says, am I off base here? Is it right for me to feel so upset about this? Am I just being a stupid whiny girl?
Help me, please...
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Hey there.
The last thing you are being is a stupid whiny girl. I would feel EXACTLY the same way as most girls would too. I really think that Eric needs to have a conversation with Allen, because they're brothers - therefore they have a different relationship then you & Allen do. I know you say Allen hates you, but why do you think that is? It may just be because you're dating his older brother and he may just not like you for that reason alone. You confronting or bringing this up to Allen is not a realistic option unless you want to cause more tension (it may even start an argument between you & Eric which is probably the last thing you want to happen!)
I would seriously just tell Eric that he needs to talk to Allen and find out what his problem is. It's not fair that Eric can openly hang out with Mary but Allen can't openly hang out with you. If Eric won't - then he's just rude, if he genuinely cared about you the last thing he would want is his brother not liking you, he would want to try and form a relationship between you two. The only thing that would ease the tension between you & Allen is if yall hung out and got to know each other better.
Anyways, the only option really is to talk to Eric and tell him to talk to his brother. It's totally OK for you to be upset about this. There's nothing wrong with it. I hope that you eventually get to hang out with him and his family more, and that everything turns out OK for you!!
:)
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