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hey im 16 and im a male, girls.....this one is for you, is a guy being to nice to you a good thing or a bad thing, nice to a point where hes a real gentleman, opening doors for you, wlaking you to the door step, paying for your ticket and maybe sometimes dinner, depends on the occasion, is that a turn on or turn off about a guy, i thought it was a turn on???
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Oi Christ.
Hello, Mr. Nice guy. Pay attention, I'll try not to ramble.
Rule 1 of dating. Girls are attracted to who you are, not what you do for them.
The cardinal rule, which you are violating. Attraction is an organic process. It cannot be manufactured or created. It happens when people exhibit qualities that others like.
What does this have to do with you?
When you walk up to a girl and do something for her, hoping for an attractive response, it's creepy. Young girls won't be as wise to this, by the time you hit 20 these tactics will have women running for the fire exits.
Why is this creepy?
First, it's forward. Its true some people are naturally helpful. But often times help comes with strings. It's a truism we teach our kids before they hit 10. It's natural to look for them.
When you push help at a girl, she notices. If you like her, she might well notice that too. Now, if you haven't known her an hour and she knows you like her, she's more than likely not going to like you. It puts pressure on her, because she has to figure out how she feels about you and establish the boundaries of the relationship quickly. If there's no immediate chemistry, she's going to put you in the friend zone.
Next, the helping itself.
How to explain this...
Treating a girl like a queen is a terrible idea. You treat a girl like she's a prize to be won, not a person that you want to get to know, and who you want to get to know you. The helping is fake. It's not who you really are 100% of the time, it's just the person you try to be when you're with a girl.
Being nice and gentlemanly in itself isn't a bad thing, but its not supposed to be your strategy for getting a girl to like you. It's just your habits and reflexes.
Now we get back to attraction.
A girl wants to know that you are attracted to her. Not to some built up ideal picture you have in your head. Treating a girl like a queen gives the "pedestal" impression. Your approach gives the same impression, you aren't sitting here saying "I know this girl and I really like her, she's awesome"
You're saying "Girls in general, I do this and it doesn't work, why?" Girls want to feel like you are interested in specifically them. They don't react well to the feeling that you just want "A girlfriend". It makes them feel like a piece of meat, if any girl will do why should she expect to be special to you? And how valuable is it to be special to a guy who will take any girl who wants to let him?
So what do you do?
First, you stop playing up the gentleman crap. Holding doors is fine. If a girl wants to go dutch, let her. Walking to the doorstep isn't something you do "because its gentlemanly". You do it because you want those few extra seconds.
Second, you work on your body language awareness. Eye contact shows interest and attention. Smiles give positive feedback. This goes for you and her. There's a shit ton more to body language. If you pay attention to a girl, and to people in general you start to notice things people do that give away their state of mind. You notice tone of voice and the subtle changes that betray excitement, anger, boredom, sadness, etc. I could write a book.
I can't possibly explain it all here, so I'll just say pay a lot of attention. The more you learn, the better you are.
To give you an idea, the last time I was in the "dating" process, I was on a first date with a girl and knew about thirty minutes in that she wanted to kiss me. Knew, with absolute certainty.
It was in her eye contact, when she'd glance down at my lips and then back up to my eyes the way a guy might check out a girls cleavage when he thinks he can get away with it. It was in her hand movements as she lightly played with a few strands of hair. It was on her lips when she bit them slightly while looking into my eyes without talking for a few seconds.
Seriously, if nothing else, start watching eyes when you talk to people. Once you get used to it, making eye contact with people actually makes you feel more confident. People who are shy or nervous naturally evade eye contact, people who look you in the eye and have no problem with it project a lot of confidence outwards with a single gesture.
And it's fucking fun. Seriously. Eyes tell you a retardedly large amount of whats on a person's mind. You can tell if she's looking at you, or at her watch while you're talking to her. You can see her check you out (girls do it too). It gives you a ton of confidence with a girl if you know enough to be able to read her. It's a great feeling to know exactly how you're going over.
Third, being nervous and pent up kills you. Stop thinking about if she likes you, stop wondering what she thought of that comment you aren't sure she noticed. If you need to occupy your mind on a date, think about something you talked about, or think about something you want to talk about.
When you're nervous, you are generic. You don't act out, you don't show your idiosyncrasies. You're just a copy of every other generic person out there. Its because you're not letting yourself be yourself.
Fourth, Conversation is the key to a woman's heart. Ask her about herself. If she smiles and seems perky when talking about a subject, ask her more about it. Always make sure you talk about her as much as you talk about you, if you tell a story end it with a question inviting her to tell one too.
And try to ask open ended questions. If she can say "yes" or "no" then she might well say just that. Conversations don't work like that.
Fifth, compliments are your friend. Pay attention to a girl. If she seems a little more put together than usual, tell her she looks great today. Find little things and let her know things about her impress you.
The trick here, is to either compliment something she specifically put effort into, or to be completely honest. Let's face it, you're a guy. So am I. Let's say my girlfriend gets a pedicure three days ago, I would not care less. Her toes are of little concern to me so long as they aren't in need of medical intervention or something. But she's excited and girly, so I tell her that her toes look nice.
She knows I don't care, but she appreciates the effort and attention.
In other things, I'm honest. These are easier once you've gotten a good response (like she said yes to a date). Compliments to hair and eyes are tricky, if she giggles you've got to be prepared to goof it off. I tell her she's brilliant when she makes me laugh, I tell her she's sexy when she dresses up for me, complimenting is really just the art of saying what you already think about her at the right times.
Lastly, self control and confidence are attractive. The reason "the asshole always gets the girl" is because girls like confidence and assholes have plenty of it (however unjustified).
Self control amounts to not telling her you love her in two weeks. Yes, you think she's awesome, you're stoked she's gracing you with her presence. She doesn't need you to give her a five minute speech or ten e-mails and texts telling her so.
Instead of sending her "God you're awesome, I can't wait to see you tonight" you can just drop a nice little "Thinking of you."
It's all a matter of pushing yourself in someone's face. It's all fine once you're both falling head over heels, but you've got to give her time to figure it out for herself. You crowd a girl, she goes somewhere else where she doesn't feel pressured to make a decision.
Confidence means you need to have a life other people can be interested in. My confidence comes from stories. I've got hundreds of them, I'm a talented storyteller and I can crack up just about any audience.
I have these stories because I got out and lived. And I expanded my friends circle. If you don't have a girlfriend, don't look for one. Go make friends. The more friends you have, the more people you can possibly get to know. Every friend you have knows people you do not who you might then be introduced to. Thus, the opportunities for meeting girls (who are friends with your friends, thus girls you probably share interests and such with) grow exponentially.
Confidence comes with experience. It's not about being confident in your dating skills (though that too comes with experience) it's about being confident in yourself. It's about liking yourself, enjoying being who you are, and being out and about enough that people can see that about you.
People who go out and have fun are attractive. Go have some fun, and when you see a cute girl in the vicinity see if she wants to join in.
::Edit::
Final Final note (Sorry again for how effing long this turned out)
Holding yourself back is bad for one final reason. When you're all nice and everything, a girl might not like you, but might not have a reason to respond badly to you. She might even feel a little sorry for you.
When you don't start acting gentlemanly until AFTER she reacts well to you, you give her the ability to not give a shit how you feel. If you do something wrong, she's more likely to kick you back. Stronger reactions are easier to notice, and come up more quickly. Its a lot easier to figure out what actually went wrong in these cases, than when a girl is just nice to you and shows no interest in taking things further than casual acquaintance or "just friends".
Ever heard the saying, you learn more from a failure than a success? If you ever get the nerve, ask a girl why she rejected you. Tell her its nothing personal, you don't want to start a fight, you just want to know where you screwed up so you can work on it. If she tells you, thank her and walk away.
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