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This sucks
I absolutely understand and believe everything that you said. I get why she is having a hard time committing because she doesn’t know yet if she wants to go out and experience some different things. I do truly madly deeply love my wife, but if she says that is over and she goes out and hooks up with other men, then I will never be able to look at her the same. I have been with other “girls” before we met, and she had also dated a few guys. We both only had one serious relationship before, but I was the first person she every slept with. She was my third. The fact that I was her first gives me a weird sense of satisfaction. Not to sound hollow, but I love that she has only given herself to me. I don’t feel like I conquered something, it just makes me feel special. I hope that makes sense. If she does go out and sleep with anyone, even if it’s just one guy, that I will feel that bond will be gone between us. I know that it’s just me being a guy, but I think you even said once that there’s something about us men that we hate thinking about another man with our girl. If she leaves me, then I will not wait at all. She hasn’t left me yet. She told me that she just needs time to think about what she wants. She needs space. She told me that she wasn’t saying it was over yet. But from the impression I am getting, is she wants it to be over. One of the first things I asked her yesterday was, “How are you doing.” And she actually said “surprisingly ok” That’s not a good sign. Here I am miserable without her, and she almost already moved on and accepted we were through. Your right when you said she will no doubt come running back one day when she realizes that what she missing out on isn’t all that great. But I have been trying to prevent that from ever happening. If she leaves, then I will also move on. I will not wait. I don’t want to be a last resort. And it sucks because I know you are right when you say that no matter what I or anyone else tells her, she is going to do it because she is stubborn. I wish someone she trusts and believes will tell her that what’s out there isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I believe that 99.9% of the men out there are assholes, and she will no doubt meet and date them. She has really only ever been with me, so she doesn’t know this. She thinks that the men out there are like the ones seen in movies. If someone would just tell her that she is making a mistake, and losing something amazing and that she most likely will never find again. But No! The only advice she is getting is support and people telling her no matter what happens they will not judge her. She doesn’t need that. She needs a wake-up call. Another thing that I have never mentioned before is that we are both military. Stationed in Virginia, but we are both from Chicago. Our families live about an hour from each other. Her parents love and adore me, as the same with my parents. Actually both our entire families love the in-laws. Our mother’s became best friends and hang out together regularly. If we divorce she isn’t only ruining my life and our daughter’s life, but actually so many other lives. I know that her parents are gonna hate the next guy, maybe ever guy. My parents will always compare every woman I am with to my wife. And they’ve even told me it’s gonna be near impossible to best my wife. We actually do have the perfect life. The circumstances of our marriage will be topped. I might hate my next in-laws, our vice versa. I know this is all he said she said, but it is really going to be hard to find happiness again. I think my marriage is over now, and I am more devastated now than I have ever been. I have never felt so low and alone. I don’t know what my next move is. Just wait I guess. I hate waiting. Waiting to find out if my wife wants to be with me. That sounds ridiculous even saying that. Thanks for getting back to me. I thought maybe I had said something that offended you. Well I guess I will talk to you later. Reply
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Just wait and see what her next move will be. DO NOT CALL HER, LET HER CALL YOU! You've gatta make it seem as though you are not desperate. It's her that did something wrong, not you. Stop beating up on yourself, relax and live your life. I know that this is going to be the hardest thing in the world for you to do, but you have to do it for yourself. If you just sit around focusing on her all day long then you will continue to feel depressed, lonely and miserable. Go out and do something that you like doing or something you haven't done in a long time. Take the load off your shoulders. And may I ask, how old is your daughter, and are there any signs of this affecting her? The reason I asked is because I have a step son who is 9 and I know when i left home, he was devastated, he totally shut down in school and became distant, so this is also something that needs to be taken into consideration.
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