|
Well she left
Well I have some more bad news on the home front. I know you are probably busy, but I just needed to talk to someone since you are the only person who really knows the whole story. I told my wife that I think it would be best if she left. She took our daughter and went and stayed with a friend. I immediatley regreted my decision, but it might be to late. I talked to her today and she doesn't know if she wants to move back. I started to feel unhappy because of her unhappiness. I started thinking that I might be better off without her. Turns out I think I was wrong. I finally figured out what exactly has been holding her back. We got married kinda young (19) and then joined the military together. Had a child at 22 and have careers now. For me I feel that I have everything I need. "The American Dream." I wouldn't want to give that up because thats the ultimate goal in life. She ultimatley wanted the same thing, but feels that she got there to fast. In a sense, grew up to quickly. She reached the destination, but missed out on the ride. I guess I can understand that. The feeling isn't mutual though. I have what I always wanted, and nothing would make me want to give it up. I asked her if she wanted to move back in, and she told me that she still wants time to figure stuff out. I know that if she decides to leave me, she will go out and do all the things that she feels she missed out on. But at some point she is going to want to settle back down. She will regret leaving me, because of how perfect we are for each other. It is really hard for me to picture being happy with someone else. I only want her. She tells me she still loves me, but I think she only loves me because of what we've been through together. I don't think she has the romantic type of love like I feel towards her. I hope she makes the right decision, and comes home to me. I know that I have been going about things the wrong way lately. I have been selfish the last couple of weeks. I have been pushing her to give me the things I need to heal which has just been pushing her farther away from me. I hate myself for that, and if I lose her I am going to blame myself for a very long time. I should have just left the scab alone and let it heal on it's own. Well I think you tried to tell me exactly that, and I'm sorry for not listening. I was being selfish and stubborn. I just hope it's not too late. I guess for now all I can do is wait for her to decide what she wants. One thing is for sure though. Until we sign divorce paperwork, I am going to fight for her. I gave up for a split second, and that made me realize that what we had was special, and I will not stop fighting. If you have any suggestions on how to get her back, please let me know. I could use all the help I can get right now.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, but I have been really busy. Also sorry for hearing that your wife left, but I know exactly how she feels. I too got married at a young age (21st birthday to be exact) and before my husband I never really dated or had any other relationships, just one which was for a short period of time. And like your wife, I also felt like i was missing out on alot. There were so many things that I didn't do that I wanted to do, and being in a marriage you sometimes feel trapped. You feel like you want to experience all the things you didn't experience when you were younger. I feel the same way. Although we tell ourselves that not all the things we want to expereince are really beneficial or worth doing, we want to do it regardless, and as long as we as woman are detemined that that is what we want to do, there is no stopping us. So I think that this is what your wife is going through right now. She wants to expereince the world. As her husband, you say that you love her and that until you are divorced you will fight for her, then this means that you are going to have to accept the fact that you wife is going to go out there in the world and do some things that you may not appreciate, some things that are morally wrong and some things that may affect your relationship even more. There is going to come a point when she realizes that the things she want to experience are not all that and that she really didn't miss out on much. But women are stubborn, we don't like to be told what to do. We want to experience it on our own and if we fall in the process, we want to pick ourselves up and not someone else do it for us. We want to learn from our own mistakes, if you know what I mean. I am not telling you that you should just sit there and allow your wife to do whatever she wants to and then come running home when she realizes that she made a mistake, this is a decision that only you can make. Only you know know how much you can and are willing to take. But it sounds to me that you really really love your wife and will put up with any shit that she dishes at you, just for fear of loosing her. Your wife, no doubt, will come crawling back to you, but the thing is, you don't know how long it will take. My question to you is, how long are you willing to wait on her? If she goes out there and sleeps with someone else, will you be able to accept her back without any animosity? Will you still look at her in the same way? Will you be able to forgive her no matter what she does when you are apart? You really are a good man and I really do hope that you find happiness, even if it is not with your wife. You both got married at a young age, so I am assuming that you didn't have many relationships before her either. You have been with her for so long that you feel complete and feel like there is no other woman out there for you, but the truth of the matter is that, if you decide to move on, or your wife decides that she doesn't want to come back to you, it may take a while before you move on, but you will. Who knows, you may find someone better, someone who will love you and appreciate you for who you are. But I really do hope that you and your wife get back together for your sake. I don't know much about your wife, but I do know that you really love her. If you are determined to fight for her, then go ahead, I can't blame you for that. Give her some time to to herself, wait about a week or two. Do not call her, allow her to call you, this will tell you whether she misses you or not. If she calls then you know that there is still love. Women will try to be tough, we will sit by the phone waiting for the guy to call, trust me, if you don't call her, she will be miserable as hell. if you profusely call her, she will feel like she has you exactly where she wants you, and this will give her room to do whatever she wants to do because she now knows that you want her and will wait forever, never let a woman know that even if it is true. She will take advantage of your niceness. If she calls within a week or some, surprise her at work with some flowers or something that she really likes. If she doesn't call within a week or two, when she does call, give her the impression that you are seeing someone else, this will wake her up really quickly!
]
More Questions: |