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I'm Accustomed To His Games, But...
So this guy who is kind of like an ex boyfriend to me (it's complicated), called me entirely on his own two nights ago. He started the conversation with telling me that he had good news, it was that he had a new girlfriend. After telling me about his new girlfriend, he called to apologize for being such an asshole to me, and that he didn't know how to tell me but that he was a commitmentphobe who was afraid of getting closer to people, since his nanny died when he was 9 years old (he's 19 now, so that was 10 years ago). He also said that he's gotten worse since we stopped talking and hasn't been able to get me off his mind, it was like his new girlfriend didn't even matter to him at all. He said that apparently it would be the last time that we would talk. Which in response, I told him that I'd have to think about it and I'd give him an answer about whether or not I wanted him in my life after I got back from Basic Training in August.
Well I recently graduated highschool and back in September (when we were first together) I wrote a senior sentiment to him,along with telling him that I kind of missed him but I still needed time to think. He wrote me back telling me that I'm the best person he knows, how the fucked up thing was that now that he thought about it he still loved me, rather or not I believed it, and how he misses what we had and if things could ever be the same to let him know, how he's always there for me, and that he will always love me. I was going to write him back the next morning and I even had a nice letter typed up, it basically said how I could forgive him but he'd have to prove himself to me. Then I saw that his myspace profile had stephy & joey {06/03/2009}, which is kind of how my senior sentiment was (it had our anniversary at the end), and he changed his profile picture back to a picture of him wearing his army uniform in my sentiment I had referred to him as my soldier (by the way, he deleted his army photos and changed his profile picture after he got medically discharged).
I messaged him back saying that I wasn't going to be the other girl, and asked him what and who he wanted. Expecting that he'd keep his promise to me to always be honest about things. He told me that he had feelings for me, but how this new girl was really amazing. Right... like she mattered so much to you that you actually called your ex girlfriend and said those things to her, right... Then, I told him something like, “Then why did you send me that (I forwarded the message that he wrote me)? My brother's right, you and her are perfect for eachother, she's obsessed with you and you have no idea what you want. You're STILL a commitmentphobe. Have a nice life!” I think that I might have intimidated him, and he doesn't know what to say in response because he said nothing to me in return.
I did some exploring, and noticed some really odd things about the girl's myspace. Yes, she was his top myspace friend, and her profile looked legit, unless you looked really closely... I'll add more to that later. Yet she was ugly and not to sound shallow, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but he likes girls like Taylor Swift, Avril Lavigne and me. Okay that just sounded really conceited, but I've been told many times that I am a really pretty girl and I was even one of the prom princesses at my prom. This girl seriously needed her eye brows done, and she was wearing no makeup, she just really WASN'T pretty at all. My girl friends mentioned to me how ugly she was, my brother whose 25 in July mentioned that she was cute, but.. let's put it this way he's a really nice guy. He also added that he thought that my ex said that only to make me jealous and that I have a lot more to bring to the table than she has (he's not my biological brother, either). I also thought that it was odd how she only had two myspace friends (her top one was still Tom) and she's young, and should have more than that. I also noticed how it was so over done, she's 22 and after 4 days of dating she's obsessed with him and wants to marry him? Like what? He's a commitmentphobe and he let her put down Mrs. D as an alias? Huh? I also saw that they had the same myspace pet... something that a self-respecting guy would not own, it was almost like he slipped up a little bit on that. My brother said that he went to both myspace pages and didn't notice any comments on either page, when I looked at Joe's pictures I saw that she commented to some of them, but it seemed A LOT like he could've commented pictures posed as her. He types A LOT like the way that I saw her type. I wasn't the only one who thought that her page was fake either, two other people agreed with me.
He's played a lot of games before, and I just want to know if I should wait for him to chase after me. From what he's done, it shows that he would. Or if I should just confront him and say that I know that he's just playing games, and that if I didn't know any better it sounds like he really doesn't have a new girlfriend. Honestly, I'm still really pissed. What would you do if you were me? A part of me sees a great person in him, a guy that I have a serious connection with and I still kind of want to be with him, despite the crazy shit.
By the way, I don't know if he stole someone's pictures, she might be a girl whose doing a really big favor for him. He has A LOT of friends that are girls, they might be acting like a couple, so that I'd get jealous, come crying to him, he'd cheer me up (notice how he said that he's always there for me?) and we'd get back together.
(Okay I just noticed that I sounded like one of those ditzy girls in those teen movies, I'm really not like that. I apologize if I pissed anyone off.)
If it makes any difference, I'm an 18 year old girl.
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first off you have two choices. You could just listen to most people and drop him, which isn't a bad thing, but if he is someone you still care about and can't just let go easily then as you said he seems like he is trying to make you jealous...sooo?.. if he wants to play a game of who can make who give in first then play the game with him i mean it can be immature to do that but if you think about it won't hurt you so play the game and if he can't pick you and he has to think about who to choose then he isn't worth it ...but if you do want to give him another chance definately make him work for it because if you get compliments from other guys then you shouldn't have a problem finding a more commited guy
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Get over wanting his attention.
Yes, I know it feels good to be chased, but at some point you’ve got to realize that this guy’s attention is not worth having.
Please.
You are right that he will probably chase after you. I'd bet good money he will. But is that really a desirable thing?
This guy is either nuts, or a moron, or a scum bag. Possibly all three.
Game playing where you invent an online girlfriend is an understandable ploy when you are thirteen. But at this point it should be a big turn off, and a huge red-flag about how low he is willing to go to manipulate and lie to you.
This is what you can know for sure:
Either he uses same ploys as a pre-teen, AND does them so poorly that you can easily see through them.
OR
He has girlfriend and flirts with you behind her back while allowing her to obsesses about marrying him (and don’t kid yourself hun, he’s not only allowing that, he’s probably encouraging that lunacy.)
If the girl isn’t real, is this really someone you can have an equal and respectful partnership with? I always joke that I want to date someone intelligent enough that if they do cheat, they can hide it. Obviously I don’t actually want a cheater, but I want a guy who’s not a bloody moron. If she is real, do you want someone that confused, disrespectful, two-timing and attention-seeking for a boyfriend?
Don't confront him. Please, just don't talk to him anymore. You don't need that kind of crap. No reasonably intelligent woman does. Leave him to his possibly fictional crazy ass online girlfriend.
He is not getting smarter in a hurry. It sounds like he is also not becoming a better person in a hurry either, he might actually be backsliding.
You are right that he is very selfish and immature, and you AREN'T. Growing up means learning to leave this kind of asshole behind you.
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