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Well, we had another talk on Sunday, and it ended up going really well. We took a huge step in the right direction to saving the marriage. She opened up to me, we made love, and things really started to feel like we were getting back to normal. We spent all day Monday together seeing a movie and shopping and it is going really good. Today is Thursday and we are going to see a professional today for the first time. There is just one small problem, and it has to do with me. You were right when you said I wasn’t over this. I maybe thought I was because I was more focused on saving the marriage. Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I find myself constantly checking my wife’s email and facebook, and she told me it bothered her because she doesn’t have a sense of privacy anymore. She told me a woman from work is in a similar situation and 2 years later her husband is still looking through her phone and spying on her. This bothers her a lot, because she doesn’t know if she could deal with it for that long. I don’t want to be that guy that is always spying on his wife, but I am extremely insecure right now. I wonder everyday if she is regretting staying with me. I think that she might just wake up and leave me because she feels she will be happier with this other guy. I know that’s MY issue, but I can’t help feeling that way. She told me that she just wants to be normal again. Yesterday, I cleaned the whole house and had her favorite dinner waiting for her when she got home. I have been taking her out to lunch and we all went to the park the other day. Basically going above and beyond everything she wanted, but she feels like I am forcing it, which I’m not. I want to do it to show her I love her and how much she means to me. She told me she wants me to just be myself and get back to normal, which makes no sense to me cause she cheated on me while I was being “normal.” Now let me tell you a little about what I’m going through and maybe you can give me some help. I have been with my wife for almost 7 years now. We had this perfect marriage, and my wife is a spectacular, smart, beautiful woman. She is every guys dream. She is a perfect 10 in my eyes. So part of me always thought that I didn’t deserve her. That I was the luckiest man alive as to end up with her. I never really flirted with any other women or attempted to have an affair because I already had the best there was at home. Also women never really flirted with me or hit on me, and this always bothered me a little because it gave me low self-esteem. Or maybe they always did, but I never noticed it. Now I think I am a very attractive man, and lately (the last couple of weeks) I am noticing a lot of attractive women flirting with me. This is troublesome to me, because now a new question pops into my head. I keep thinking to myself that I do deserve my wife, but I don’t deserve to feel this way. I wonder to myself that maybe I might not ever get over this and I might never trust her again. When I thought I was going to lose my wife, it hurt because I thought I would never find another women who could make me happy again, but with all the attention I am receiving, it makes me think that I could one day be happy again.(if we split up) So I’m at a crossroads. Will I ever get over this? Will I ever be able to trust her again? Am I going to be this insecure for the rest of our marriage? If so, is it worth it? I know these aren’t questions you can answer but I am really going through a tough time. I do love my wife more than anything in the world, but now I am starting to think of myself. I guess I need to take care of me first. I know this all might sound contradicting, and that is what is messing with my head. Any advice?
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You know it's funny, you just ran across my mind and now you are emailing me. What a coincidence! I was wondering how everthing was going for you. I figured everything was going well since I had not heard from you in a while. Now, where do I start! First of all, I am glad to see that both are you trying to make this marriage work, it appears that you are heading in the right direction. Remember when I told you that I didn't tell my husband about my affair, the reason was because I knew he would never look at me the same and he never again trust me although he may say otherwise. Most wife can't stand to stomach the fact that another man has been with their wife. It is something you guys can't seem to get over. It is truely understandable, but I cannot help you on that one. Personally, I would never tell my husband. I don't think that this is something that you will get over right now, it will take some time. Trust me! Your wife said that she feels like you are "forcing it", and she just wants you to be normal, I also think that you are forcing it, but your intentions are good. What I mean by this is that you are trying to go all out to make your wife happy and to make your marriage work, although your intentions are good, be careful because this can fire back at you. Just be yourself, don't try to do too much, I always tell my husband, don't get me use to something that you cannot maintain. What do you think will happen when you get your wife use to all this extravagent treatment and then all of a sudden you are not able to keep up with it. She will start to feel like you are getting relaxed, and she will end up right into the arms of someone else. Love her, but just don't over do it and make it seem like you are overdoing it. As far as you now being attracted to other women, well, i hope you are not trying to get back at your wife for cheating on you, it may not be intentional, but your feelings of hurt, may be taking control of you. It's really hard to explain why all of a sudden you have such high confidence in yourself, but this is good, maybe it is because you never thought that anything like this would ever happen in your marriage, and now you have built up this wall where you have decided thatt you are not going to allow anyone to hurt you anymore. You are probally feeling like, you have tried all your life to make others happy and now you think it is time to think about yourself and make you happy for a change. I know this is how i felt. And personally, although I made a decision to stay in my marriage, things started to go really well and I was really happen, now I have noticed that things are starting to go back to the way they were and I am starting to wonder if I made the right decision. I am really feeling right now like I would be happier by myself. But you have gotta do what makes you happy, but don't make a decision that you will regret. Reply.
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