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Something is horribly wrong with me
Male, mid 20's.
I'm not going to bore with details. Over half a decade ago, I met my first love, who after barely a year, tore my heart out and broke my confidence in myself. I attempted to repair the bond to at least be friends, with horrible results.
I thought I was past it all, but recent I ended up seeing her again, and it reopened the old wounds. More than half a decade since it happened, and I'm still hurt when I am either reminded of the past, or placed in a situation where I re-encounter her.
I'm starting to worry that I'm not well in the mind. I mean, I should be over it. And yet, this scar on my heart keeps getting ripped open at the slightest chance involving anything that reminds me of the past. Why can't I stop feeling hurt by this?
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there is nothing wrong with you, hun. it sounds to me you haven't had the chance to have some closure with her and it's always tough to get over your first love. you're reminded of the past because whenever you see her, you associate her with all the bad things that you've experienced which is completely normal. although it may be hard you have two choices:
1. as difficult as it is, try and maybe meet with her. somewhere casual, like getting coffee and just talk things out and why things didn't work out and why she felt the way she did. letting your emotions out will definitely help the healing process. after that, give it a few days or weeks and see how you feel. as soon as you feel well enough, go out and have some fun with friends!
or
2. just cut off all contact with her completely. assuming you already haven't, get rid of her emails, texts, phone number, anything she bought you or anything that reminds you of her, pictures, etc. it'll help the moving on process and who knows, you could start forgetting about her if she's not everywhere you go.
best wishes to you
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There's nothing horribly wrong with you. Seeing the face of someone who hurt you so badly is likely to cause a strong response. First, forgive yourself for getting so upset about it. Don't think that you're not well in the mind, just do what you can to let it go. You need to find out how to get from hurting when you see her face to being indifferent. Obviously there is something inside of you that is unresolved in regards to your ex. If you have to, try writing about it in a personal journal. Try writing her letters that you'll never send. The reason you'll do this is that it will help you understand what you are still holding onto and possibly allow you to let it go.
More importantly, if you haven't already, you need to get your confidence back. You can't let this one other person dictate how you are going to feel about yourself. In fact, you shouldn't let anyone else dictate that. You have the right to feel good about yourself, so take it back. If you feel good about yourself, you should care less about her because you know you're worth more than that.
If you have the willpower, you can get over the past, but it might require delving into the past first to figure out why you are still holding onto it, then letting go regardless.
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There is nothing wrong with you.
I ususally move on from my exs after about a month or 2, but my last bf i'm still not over, its been 6 months tomorrow.
And reccently we started becoming friends again and it hurts like hell to talk to him.
Don't worry about it though, eventually you'll get over your ex.
As the post said below see a therapist (sorry can't spell) to see if there is anything wrong.
Take care :)
BrokenAngel
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you cant stop being hurt by it because you're HURT. when something happens and the ones we love no longer love us, it hurts. that love never really disappears, but it is supressed. and then when we run into them at a bar or in the store, the old wounds are reopened. it doesnt mean your sick in the mind, it just means your hurt by seeing her, and thats all there is to it.
i recommend going to see a theropist maybe once a week. they can help, and determine whether you are really sick. they also give you great ideas for moving on from this experience.
take care.
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