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im killing myself
16/f ive been depressed for a few years but then i met this guy and it changed everything. we dated for a year and i was the happiest person alive. then we broke up and it killed me. but i got through because we were stil really close and i still saw him everyday. he just recently told me that he is moving in 2 weeks. i have cried everyday and will continue to cry everyday about this. i cant stand knowing that i only have 2 more weeks with him before he moves 15 hours away and i will probably never see him again. but the thing is, to deal with all this i burn myself with a curling iron. i dont know why i do this but it gets my frustration out and helps somehow. but people are getting suspicious since im starting to have all these burns everywhere. they are big burns too and it makes a huge hole in my skin. i have scars from this. i dont know why i do this and i need to stop now.
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sounds like my life, but i do not burn myself, instead, i used to like scratch myself, or take excess amounts of drugs. My bestest friend ever, in the world. shot himself in the head. died. He would call me to run away from home, everytime he thought about killing himself, idk. everything. The pain i expereinced from that, was incredible. I had never felt that in my life, and went into a permanent depression for a couple years. still am fighting it. the feelings of depression, i understand you. its terrible. no hope at all. i wanted and thought about killing myself from days. i could not do so because i know how much my best friend fucked up me, and i had to stay strong. i miss him to death, but honestly, when your gone... your just gone.
me and my boyfreind of 2 yrs just broke up, he cheated on me, plenty of times. he was the only one who got me through that whole time, him gone kinda numbed me.guess what, he moved to florida, i live in new york. he just forgot about me... sometimes, its better to have people in your life, than not at all. i am thankful hes alive, idc he cheated on me.. i can deal with that, it happens. you can deal with your break up, it happens. i know how much it hurts for him to be gone, i really do.. but i got over it.
you have two choices.. dwell on it, get sad, hurt yourself, put yourself down.
or.. get strong. after two years i decided its rather sink or swim. things that hurt you, just try to turn your mind into thinking thank god its not this bad.. or not think about it at all, whenever your mind wanders to it, block it out. start working out, tanning, idk what you do.. but it gets a lot of pain out and anger. have a close friend to talk to, even if they dont act like they understand or care (that was my situation)its better to get your shit out. Write in a journal, cant believe it but i did.. A guy can not change your life, you can not let him.. there will be many more guys, i promise. im stil single, and lost as shit as to where i am going. If your down, get a counselor.. i went, but for me it only reminded me how much i have problems everytime iwent.
I know how much pain your going through, honestly i do. Its terible. worst thing in the world. i would rather break every bone in my body than to expeiernce the pain of depression. if you ever need anything, im here.
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