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Feel like I'm slipping
21/f. My boyfriend is 23...um, this is gonna be long, there's a lot to it.
I just graduated from college with a valid degree that I created for myself because I just don't fit in the box. Right now, I "work" at a coffee shop. I used to have 7 days straight of work, and now I'm lucky if I get ten hours a week. I confronted my boss about this, and he told me that my coworkers are "uncomfortable working with" me. I asked my boss for an explanation, and he couldn't give me one; he disagrees with them and doesn't understand their problem...and yet won't give me work.
Now, I'm a very intelligent, pretty girl. I have a lot going for me. I make a point NOT to intimidate people, but how can I avoid doing that if my "self" is the issue?
That isn't really my big issue, but feel free to answer that, too.
I've been job hunting for about a month now. I have a kickass resume and a great set of skills for any job, and I can't even get an interview to be a teller at a bank.
I'm really starting to feel worthless. I also feel disconnected from everything, have no appetite, can't sleep without drugging myself, seem to be gaining weight - or at least, my body dysmorphia problems are coming back to haunt me (I used to be anorexic) - and I have constant head/neck aches that I can barely get to subside. I know these are symptoms of depression, and I'm having some serious trouble suppressing them.
My guy knows I've been job hunting. He knows I applied for that bank job. He knows it was my ticket to the rest of my schooling. He decided to call me yesterday to tell me that his brother, who posted his resume on the same site I did, got a call from a bank asking him to interview to be a teller...and my boyfriend was laughing about it. Somehow, it was funny to him that I already have my degree and can't get a job. I live on my own, have a cat to take care of, and REALLY need money, and his asshole younger brother (who hates me, just like the rest of his family), got a job using the same tools I did, with fewer skills and less experience than I have.
This whole thing makes me sick.
I know I need to talk to my boyfriend, that's coming tonight.
I guess my question is how the hell do I knock myself out of depression? I can't see a psychologist/psychiatrist because apparently our insurance doesn't cover that anymore. I feel like I'm losing it.
I don't even feel like I can talk to my boyfriend about this. We say we can tell each other anything and everything - and usually we do - but I just...after what he did yesterday, I don't feel like I can trust him not to hurt me with this somehow.
I don't know what to do. Any and all advice is welcome. =(
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
well, the first part of advice ima give you. is the whole boss, job thing. if i was you i would confront my coworkers, and excuse my french here, but...ask them what the hell is their problem. dont actually do that. but i would. you know its not that you yourself cant find a job. NOBODY CAN hardly. this economy right now, is not real good. so its goin be hard. but dont give up. the whole boyfriend thing, talk to him and tell him he hurt you. tell him that. i mean he should have not said all that. but my best advice for you, would be, dont loose faith. and just think positive. and keep yourself busy. you'll make it through. need anything else let me know.
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