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i am scared for my friendship
Hannah,
I have been BEST friends with someone for years now and we have always been so close. When highschool started, we were closer than ever. but now, i feel like its going down the drain, completly. I see this person almost everyday and when I do, i just want to cry and run up and hug them and say how sorry i am for screwing up everything. i do things that i would never imagine doing and because of that, its tearing us apart. I feel like i have to tell this person everything because i really have nobody else who was always there for me. i tell them these things because i no they won't judge me but when i told them something last week, they just criticized me. i want this person to NOT think that im telling them my business just because i want attention, i tell them because i no that they wouldnt be mad if i was upfront about it instead of them finding out the hard way. I actually told them something that happened about a week ago and it crushed me, it crushed me so bad because i felt like they didnt understand. I no some things i do are stupid, i no it is, but i just cant help it, im only human who makes mistakes. i feel like this person is beginning to really hate me and im scared that if this keeps going on, then we will not be friends anymore. i cant picture this person out of my life, they are so important to me but i think that if i tell them the truth again, they will judge me and tell there friends how stupid i am. i dont no what to do, eevrything i say to this person face to face gets turned around to me and i always end up the bad guy in it. i want things to be the way they used to be with minor changes. i love this person and i always want them in my life. i can tell how much this person means to me because i am crying right now...please, please help me. <33
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Well, one thing you have to keep in mind about being in high school is that people change a lot, whether they mean to or not, everybody changes. Sometimes people change in a sense that they make different personal decisions, sometimes it's just that they have grown up and see things differently. Just remember before you finish reading this that people will always change. Like you said, you get really upset when you see this person around school, and being that you were so close, i can understand that. however, you also said you want to tell them how sorry you are for screwing everything up. Maybe the first thing you need to do is take a look at these things that you do that you said you cant imagine yourself doing and think about why you do it. Figure out a reason why because there is always a reason behind everyone's actions. until you know why you do these things, little progress will be made if any. i promise you know the answer to your own questions, it's just a matter of admitting them to yourself sometimes. if you feel that it's your behavior that is tearing you two apart, that is something that you need to work on personally as far as figuring out why you do the things you do that would make someone so close to you not want to be friends with you anymore. The second thing you should do is give this person a call and let them know how upset you are. tell them that you're sorry for whatever it is you have done and i'm sure they will give you time to explain your behavior. If you were that close, they aren't going to push you away, guaranteed. The other thing you said that i wanted to bring up was that you said you know the things you do are stupid, however you cant help it. Yes, you are right in the sense that it's only natural to make mistakes, however, how often are these mistakes being made and how big of a mistake are they? Mistakes, just like anything else really, are okay but in moderation. When mistake after mistake after mistake happens, it no longer is a mistake, but more of a bad habit or new lifestyle that just makes you come off as someone you weren't before, something with usually results in a situation like yours. So, my advice to you, 1. take some time to think about your decison making, realize that you DO in fact have control over everything you do so you CAN help it. realize that multiple mistakes can sometimes be a little more than mistakes and more of a bad habit. also, like i said, figure out why it is you do these "stupid" things because i promise you, there is a reason and you do know why, you just need some time to think it through. it's important to be honest with yourself as well, don't settle for "human's make mistakes and i cant help what i do" 2. after giving it some thought give this person a call and flat out tell this former friend exactly how you feel about the situation. ask them for time to explain yourself. let them know what's going on from your point of view and try to talk it out as best as possible. i'm sure they will tell you why they feel the way they do if they are being distant like you said before. open and honest convos will get you further than anything in this situation. you can't be afraid of whether or not they will judge you. if you don't speak up now, things might get worse like you are fearful of. don't let it get to that point. Well, hope i was able to help! don't be afraid to write back for anything! xxo Hannah
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