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is the relationship really over?
I just posted this to public, but you seem like you might be able to help! With my ex for 5 years. 2 children. I'm 22, M, and she is 20. She left two months ago because I didn't give her enough attention. Truthfully, it was more like none. I admit. Anyway, the past two months she goes from one day "i love you so much and want to come home just show me you can give me the respect and attention I need", to "i hate you leave me alone, we're through". I am confused. She has since got a job and enrolled in school. I have 100k in debt for the family I made, a semi and a house. To me, it seems like she is playing the field and trying to keep the door of baby daddy open, but has possible love interests. I know she has been talking to some men. Does that sound like she is seeing someone, or has a possible? What should I do!?
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Thanks for letting me answer your question.
Telling from your situation and the information you have given me, it seems like a whole lot is going on financially. You're in debt, and trying to get through. Since you said you paid no attention to her, could it be because of stress in the financial category? If it is, I would try talking to her to tell her that lately it's been hard on the you because of your financial situation, and remind her you still love her and still want it to work.
It seems like your ex is confused about the situation. Honestly, I would feel very desolate and neglected if my significant other paid no attention to me. It's a hard decision to go by, since she probably doesn't feel loved enough. If you really loved her and really wanted this to work, you'd try your best to keep it working. If you're extremely stressed out I would (like I said) confront her about it and tell her your situation. Apologize, and try to make it work again.
If she decides not to go back out with you, or try to make it work, that's her loss. I couldn't make a strong assumption whether she found someone else or not because I don't know her enough to decide. I would feel a bit disowned if my guy lacked attention to me. And if I really needed love, I would probably go to someone else for emotional support. Women need emotional support and love on a daily bases; not just once a month.
It does seem like she wants to keep the door open for anyone, actually. She'll be leaving it open for you, but she will be leaving it open for other guys. It's possible she could be talking to other guys. But the sooner you try to talk to her, the more likely she can forgive you. Don't wait on it because it can be too late. I assume the two kids are yours, so remind her you still want to be there to take of her and the kids. Things may be tough around here, but tell her that it doesn't mean you don't love her.
Start by inviting her to dinner, just to talk about things. And take it from there. But I suggest if she does come back, I would start giving her more attention than you did before. Relationships can never be successful if you don't give someone attention. You both need it. It does sounds like she loves you a lot still, but she is just scared she will get hurt again, hence you not giving her attention.
So if you really love her, try to make it work. I can see she still has feelings for you since you're 'the baby daddy', so try talking to her again. If no luck, all you can do is remind her you still love her and you really care for her and the kids. Just tell her you're here for her, and that you want this to work. She may put in awhile to think it through, but keep reminding her that.
If you'd like, keep me posted on what she says, and I can give you more advice on what to do, or suggestions at least. This is a tough situation (I can tell), but please start giving her more attention next time, regardless of the financial burdens you may be going through.
I hope I helped, and good luck.
Leah
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