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Family realtionship Issue..No Communication
This is long but every peice of info is necessary...PLZ READ and respond!!!!
I am F/20 my sister is 24 and she just moved out in feb. Its me and my mom home alone and my dad moved out Jan 08. We have a dog who is 11 and we have had him for 10 years. When my sister was maybe 17-18 she started paying for the dogs med bills. When I got a job I didnt help. I was not managing money very well as I paid my own phone bill and my transportation and my lunch. I was part time and didnt make much. So I dont think i was in the situation of giving half or w/e it was. My dog just got kinda sick he was in pain and so I decided to take him to the vet and pay the $700 Bill. My sis offered to help, which surprised me I said thnx we'll go halfz. after maybe 2 weeks he isnt feel too good still so my sis takes him to another vet in mississauga where she lives (I'm in T.O) She brings up the idea that if our dog were near her it would be easier to take him to the back to back appts he had for 3 weeks. I agreed and so he has been there for maybe 2 weeks. On sat I get home from work and my mom says.
MOM "I think your sister is taking is taking the dog"
ME "Y?"
MOM "becasue she is taking all of his food"
Me "Um i don't think so he is both of our dogs"
Mom (crying because she loves the dog and doesnt want to see him go)
Me to sis "Where you going with all that food."
No comment
Me "Why you need so much food"
Sis "because he is coming to my house"
ME "yeah but he is coming back in like 2 weeks thats way too much food for 2 weeks
sis "No he is staying at my house "
ME "What do you mean"
SIS "I Mean he is staying"
ME "No he isn't he is both of our dogs and he is a part of our family"
Then my sis and mom started saying that they were doing it for my GOOD cuz i am going to school and wont have money. My sister and mom were like dont worry your getting your $700 back. I told them the money didnt matter and the dog wasnt leaving. I got very angry and said that if she leaves with the dog after they didnt consult me with the HUGE family decision that was being made that she would be dead to me (I know harsh words I now regret) me her and mom are crying she says fine the dog will stay i say no forget it bla bla bla take him i dont wanna see you again.(the reason i told her to take the dog is becasue i know if something is to happen to the dog and i cant afford it they would rub this situation in my face and i cant deal with that, the said if they leave the dog im on my own with him and thats not what i want i want a family) She leaves, my mom is bawling i am pissed my mom is saying stupid things like plz dont hate her its my fault it was my choice we decided it last night last minute. I asked y they didnt talk to me first I was home after work and awake way beyond any of them there was no excuse. she said i did tell you i told you when you got home (LIES)she said "i hope i die while im here alone and your the first to see me wen you get home" ...HOW is that supposed to make me feel... point is i left to my bfs house on sat and havnt talked to any of them since. my mom thinks i am being "trained" by my bf parents...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? they are acting like i am a terrible person i may of said some mean things i regret but the act of making such a huge decision with out me...and trying to leave without telling me is just wrong. What would of happened after the weeks went by and the dog wasnt home yet...I would of noticed he was gone when were they planning on telling me....I want them to talk to me and apologize and tell me that they should of consulted me...I want to feel like part of this family but i dont know what to do..i know if i confront my mom she will either yell or cry or both...HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMMUNICATE! My sis isnt answering my texts and i cant call her or i might yell....what do I DO!!!...my cusin is sooo angry at them for what they did....but that doesnt help me..i need them to realise what they did was wrong and the thing is i dont think they see that it was wrong!!!
HELP
!!!!!
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I understand that the dog has been in your family for ten years so he means a lot to all of you. But as a third party, I have to point out some things.
First of all, they did tell you as soon as you got home. Your mother said, "I think your sister is taking the dog." You asked your sister and she said, "He's staying with me." You asked what would have happened if the dog had been gone weeks and you didn't know what was going on. That wouldn't have happened because they did tell you exactly when they said they planned on telling you.
I think your family is just trying to look out for you and the dog. The dog is old. He is going to start getting sick more and more often. If you take him to the vet every time, it is going to get extremely expensive. You aren't going to be able to afford that. Then you're going to feel bad because you can't afford to pay the bills. Your sister is going to take the dog and pay all of the bills for it. Apparently she thinks she is financially better off, and she very well may be. I can guarantee you that your sister and mother are not doing this for no reason.
You all said some things that you shouldn't have said. Brutal honesty here: Telling your sister that she is dead to you if she takes your dog in order to take care of it and take the financial stress off of you? Completely unacceptable.
Your mother shouldn't have said that she wished she would die either. And yes, they should have talked to you beforehand.
That dog is going to die. Long before you, your mother, your father, and your sister will. When your mother or father is on her/his deathbed and you're in an ICU waiting room. Do you want to be sitting as far away from your sister as possible because you got into a fight over a dog when you were 20 and 24?
I work in the ICU waiting room at my local hospital. You would be surprised at the amount of sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, parents, etc.. that are not speaking as one of their close family members is dying because they got into a fight when they were younger and simply have not spoken since. It becomes about people not wanting to swallow their pride and apologize. It's not even about what they got into a fight over, it's the principle of the thing.
All of you need to apologize. Don't expect your mother and sister to come grovelling at your knees begging for forgiveness. You need to apologize for saying what you said to your sister. Your sister and mother need to apologize for not discussing this with you in advance. End of story.
Your sister and mother are just trying to get the dog to a place where it can be taken care of. You won't have to take care of it and pay its bills anymore. That will be on your sister. If you want to see the dog, see if he can spend the night at your house some once he starts feeling better. Other than that, don't make this a relationship-altering ordeal. It is a big deal, but once the dog has been dead for 10, 20, 30 years; you'll look at this a lot differently.
Darby
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