|
Reply to my question
Hey, I really appreciate your advice. I need to ask you this question cause you have gone through this yourself. For me I believe everything you said was true on my part. I didn't show her enough attention, got comfortable in the marraige, and wasn't romantic enough. I understand why she did it. But for me, I never heard anything about it until after I found out about it. I thought we had the perfect marraige. We also have a 2yr old and I'm sure that didn't help. I love her so much that if she would have told me before all of this, I would have done everything in my power to try and fix it. Now its in the past and we wan't to move forward. But she tells me she stills loves him. I have been showering her with affection, and doing so much that I almost feel as if I'm the one who cheated. She is so emotionally distant, and when I try to talk about it to work things out, she gets upset. I am confused as to why she is acting this way. I am fighting for her, when I think it should be the other way around. I have done everything I think I should be doing. Can you tell me what she is going through and why she doesn't seem like she loves me, even though she says she does.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Now lets be real here, you say that if your wife had told you all of this, you would have done everything in your power to try and fix it. I am sure she has been telling you for a very long time, whether it has been verbally, physically or emotionally. Maybe you were too busy to listen and see the signs. I'm sure she has complained to you about thing that you have been doing that she doesn't like or things that she wants you to do more of. You say you never heard anything about the affair until you found out, I never told my husband about my affair either, he accused me on two occasions, but I denied it. He too, thought we had the perfect marriage, but that was in his eyes, not mine, deep down I was hurting and longing for his attention. When he was not around I would sit to myself and cry, and ask the Lord, why? I wanted to be a good wife to my husband, I wanted to have that perfect marriage that we once had, but I felt like my cries were falling on deaf ears, my husband was not hearing me, because he felt like our marriage was perfect. You say you would have done everything in your power to make things right, but in reality, like most men, you only want to do what is right you feel like you are loosing your spouse, when you know that someone else is "playing your role" and doing what you should have been doing to make your wife happy. Am i right? There is a saying that goes "you nver miss the water until the well runs dry". I do not doubt for a minute that you love your wife, if your wife is telling that she still loves this guy I can totally understand and relate, because I too still love that guy I had the affair with, but at least you and your wife have that open relationship where she can tell you any and everything. Trust me when I tell you this is good. She is being honest and open with you. I on the other hand cannot be this open and honest with my husband, but I wish that I could. I think the reason why she is being emotionally distant with you is because she is afraid of getting hurt again. She is probally afraid that things will not get better or they will get better only for a short while and then return back to the way they were. I know this is what I was afraid of. She is probally thinking to herself "why should I give up this other guy who treats me like roayalty and pays attention to me, for my husband who does not understand me". I understand that you want to talk about it to work things out, but I think the best thing for you to do is to not bring up the situation about her affair, like you said, it is in the past so leave it in the past. She already knows that what she did was wrong, but she doesn't need to be constantly reminded of it. Just try to love her and be there for her. Although she may seem distant, I think it because she is not sure how you really feel about her anymore, she doesn't know whether or not yoy will still look at her the same knowing that she cheated or almost cheated on you. I would get upset too if you kept bringing it up. I think it's best that you show her you love her, but do not smother her. Try to give her her space. Sometimes I want to say things to my husband, but I feel like he is not listening or I feel like what I want to say will lead to us having an arguement, so instead of me saying it, I would write him a letter telling him exactly how I feel. I would leave the letter on the bed or dresser, he would read it and then we would discuss it when he is ready. Maybe you should try this method sometimes instead of trying to talk about it all the time and her getting upset. Tell her how you feel in the letter, tell her what you want to happen and everything else you are feeling, after you are done with your letter give her her space. Allow her to come to you and talk to you about the letter when she is ready. Leave it where she can find it and DO NOT bring it up anymore. Your wife loves you but she just wants you to do the right thing and be the man she fell in love with. Good luck and I wish you well. If this doesn't work, then sign her on and let me talk with her. Seems like your a good man and a ry understanding person.
]
More Questions: |