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Fancying a guy when I'm in a relationship...
Ok, so the title kinda gives it away. I am 18 and have been with my boyfriend (21) on off for 4 years. We have our 1 year anniversary (for this time round) next month.
I met this guy at work and OMG, I'm so drawn to him and I don't know why. He makes me laugh and makes work fun. He flirts majorly, all these lines rolling off his tongue, saying I bring out the worst in him. He makes me feel so good about myself and we joke and we are so on the same page. I feel like putty seriously. I dont make it obviously though lol.
I feel terrible. It took me by suprise, I've never remotely thought of anyone like that when i've been with my boyfriend. I love him.
Basically. Because I was so suprised by my lack of self control to distance myself for this guy at work, I text a friend. She's in a long-term relationship and I just asked whether she has ever liked anyone. I then told her about this guy and she told me that i'm only human and its what I do that counts.
Good advice I thought and I was going to mull it over. But then my boyfriend picked me up from work. I left my phone in my car (I KNOW RIGHT? HOW STUPID CAN I BE?) and he read my texts. He sends me romantic texts in the mornings and I keep the ones I like. He said he was just going to check which ones i kept so he could send ones that meant more to me.
He was really hurt. He cried and... It was a long night. It felt so stupid. The whole thing. This guy at work seemed to insignificant, you know? I told my boyfriend that I was pissed at him because I caught him reading my diary, and that i set the text-convo up with my friend and left the phone in his car on purpose to see if he would read my messages.
He believes me, sort of. I think he wants to. I feel terrible but believe me the truth isn't worth it. It would just make me feel less guilty and thats selfish. It would kill him. He's only upset because he's worried about losing me. And now he is the most insecure person I know.
He gets all upset and insecure when we dont have sex and he texts me a million times a day and hes always hugging me and kissing me and telling me how much i love him and this would be flattering but... I feel so suffocated. But I can't tell him I need space because he's so insecure.
I'm not gonna leave my boyfriend for this guy at work. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend, but at the moment I just seem to be happy with the other guy... *sigh* Help?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You and your boyfriend have been in a relationship for a very long time, especially for your age. You're just getting curious. It's completely natural. But, you do need to check these urges. Ask yourself how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. If you found flirtatious text messages back and forth from your boyfriend to another girl, what would you be feeling? Would you be insecure and hurt? I'm sure you would. This guy at work looks great right now because he's something new, fresh, and exciting. Write down all the reasons you love your boyfriend. Why did you start dating him? Why have you stayed with him for so long. He sounds extremely sweet (sending romantic texts every morning, crying because he's afraid he's going to lose you, not even being too angry about the texts, kissing and hugging you often). These are all positive things. There are plenty of girls that would cut their feet off to be in a relationship with a guy that is that sweet and caring. You need to remind yourself of how lucky you are.
You need to sort things through in your mind. It's not fair to your boyfriend to keep heavily flirting with your co-worker. It's okay to be friends with him, but the text messages must have been fairly bad to make your boyfriend cry, right? You need to get your self-control back. Hopefully once you remind yourself of all the good things your boyfriend does, these urges to flirt like crazy will stop.
If they don't and you feel like you're being suffocated and are ready to have a new relationship with this guy at work, do it 100%. Either be fully committed to your boyfriend, or leave him. It's not fair for you to be able to heavily flirt with other people if he can't.
But I really think you would regret it if you left your boyfriend for your co-worker.
Hope this helps,
Darby
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