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It's me again
I have thought this through over and over again. As far as my husband is concerned, I have a significant change in the way he treats me, however, it is still not up to the standard that I want or expect. When you know what it is that you want it is hard to accept less. But I also know that all relationships have problems. I know the type of person my husband is, he actually is a good person, but because I know he is capable of so much more I try to push him, but he doesn't see it this way. Lets just say I know what I have, but if I were to leave and start a new relationship, I don't know what I will get. I do love my husband and if he would only change some of the things that he does and be more loving and affectionate, then I think thing will be better for both of us. However, because of the fact that he is not willing to take the sperm test, it really makes me angry and he knows exactly how I feel about wanting kids. Sometimes when I ask him what he wants for his birthday or other event, he would say "all I want is for you to have my baby", but yet I can't understand why he would not cooperate. It's like he is bias, he only sees things from his point of view and that is that the infertility issue lies with me because he already has kids. This is the main reason why I am not willing to give up the extra marital affair. Believe me, everthing you have made mention of, I have already told myself. As it relates to the other guy, although he says that he loves being with me and all that and like I told you I don't know if he is only wanting me probally because of the lack of sex in his own marriage or he actually does have feeling for me, I cannot say for certain. But I do know that when we are together it does seem as thought that is where he wants to be. If not he is a good pretender. I sometimes tell myself that I need to end the affair because he is only using me for sex and that he does not really love me because he loves his wife. But in a way I am using him too for my own reasons, which is to get pregnant. And he knows how I feel also about wanting kids. He asked me one day also if I were to get pregnant and the baby is his, would I tell my husband. And to be honest with you, the answer is no. The only way I would tell him is in the event that I decided to leave the marriage. This situation is a very difficult one as there are so many people involved that can be affected and that I think is what scares me the most. And my husbands son will be 10 in June.
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Sorry it took me a little to get back to you. It is completely okay for you to rather just stick with your husband. Its your decision and only you know what is best for you. Continue to try to improve your relationship. Yes, it sucks that you have to try instead of your husband just being able to see what you want and do it but sometimes men are to stubborn to see those kind of things. Start with one thing at a time. If you want your husband to be more affectionate, do little things that will put that into him mind. Cuddle up to him when you guys are laying in bed, hold his hand when you are walking together (even if its just through a parking lot), link your arm through him when you are sitting and watching tv. And make little comments like "I would like it if we were like this more often" or "I love feeling close to you like this". Often times with men, if you put the idea of what you want out there in the form of a compliment, they will be more likely to remember that and continue doing it because it makes them feel manly. When you guys are cuddling, try saying something like "I feel so protected when you hold me like this". That will stick out in his mind because to men, they are the protectors of women. Just keep trying to make the best out of your relationship with him and that way, if it didnt work out in the end, you know you tried your absolute best and can walk away guilt free.
As far as the sperm test thing goes, I understand where your anger would come from. Keep Trying! Do not give in! If having a child is important to you and you give in and stop trying, you will regret it. Your life will not feel complete. Tell your husband about it 50 times a day if you have to. Annoy him about it so badly that he gives in. Do whatever you have to. And if you do end up getting pregnant by someone else, just prepare yourself for it. Understand that it is alot to keep on your shoulders. As long as you know you'll be able to carry that with you, all the more power to you. But no matter what you have to do, dont give up on having a baby.
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