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Friend zone?
I am going to do my very best not to make this teen angst about a crush.
I'm a senior in high school, and my question is about a girl I am interested in. (Guess I already failed, right?)The thing is, I've always been the type of guy to be friends with girls as much as guys, and this one is no exception. But she has a pretty big crush on another guy in our group, even though he has made it clear that he is not interested in her. What I've noticed is that the more time she spends away from him, the more interested in me she gets. But when she does spend time with him, she then talks to me about him, albeit not excessively. And they spend tons of time together.
So what I want to know is, am I irreparably in the friend zone, or can I get out? And how?
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Couldn't tell you, honestly. Without seeing the two of you around each other its hard to tell if you're in the friend zone.
Fortunately, it's easy to find out.
First, start flirting innocently. Compliment her looks on a somewhat regular basis in an open and yet joking manner.
Smile at her a bit more (consciously) and make sure you make plenty of eye contact while talking. All of these things translate to interest. If it looks like she put extra effort into something (hair, makeup, clothes, etc) try to notice and say something about it.
This starts sending the signals of "He notices that I'm a girl"
Second, make her laugh. Laughter is THE easiest way to get a girl to like you. If you can crack her up it sets her at ease. I've got a truckload and a half of personal stories and jokes I've picked up that are guaranteed to get positive responses. You don't have to be a stand up comic, you just have to be able to tell a joke or a good story without muffing it halfway through or losing your train of thought.
Third, try to shy away from your friend as a topic. In my experience, the absolute best way to get a girl to stop talking about another guy is to get her talking about herself. If she says anything about him, try to turn the conversation back at her, which can then turn onto other subjects if you like.
Fourth, Tease. Teasing is a great way to pull off the humor. Keep it small and innocuous, but if you see her do something goofy, laugh at her about it. You probably already do this to a degree, but teasing brings comfort and the opportunity for chemistry. Plus, it opens up the touch barrier. Pokes, tickles, wrestling, hitting, are all good things.
Hugs aren't. Hugs are too comfy. Shy away from hugging and stick to things that don't automatically denote you as "Friend". Serious signs of "brotherly" affection should be avoided. I knew a guy who got in the habit of kissing girls on the cheeks and forehead. He'd brag about it like it was some kind of accomplishment, and was quickly met with responses like "ok, so you kiss her forehead, and I make out with her, maybe sleep with her. Who comes off better in that scenario?"
Lastly, man up and ask her out. Give it a week or so of the above before you make the jump, but make the jump soon. Ask her out in a way that gives her a time-frame to work with. Like, "I'm not doing anything this weekend, and I'd like to take you out to a movie, when might you have some free time?"
When you ask, make it a confident assertion. "I would like to take you out somewhere" Finishing it off with "When do you have some free time?" gives the impression that you assume her answer will be yes, and asks her a question that "no" is not an immediately available answer.
If she says the weekend you picked isn't good, follow up with a yes or no question. "Well,can I take you out somewhere some other time?"
This gives you a strong opening question with a followup that allows her to back out gracefully.
The trick here is that you don't approach this like you're asking her permission to date her. That almost always gives the wrong impression. You want her to know you'd like to take her out, and nothing more. That's the real trick. Women like mystery, and if they know you like them, often it takes the "pursuit" out of dating for her, and lessens the excitement. You want to show interest without saying you're interested.
You've probably got a good shot, but you also could get an "eww" response. Even that isn't necessarily fatal, but recovery from it is incredibly tricky and situational, I can't give you advice on that one. I've rolled a few girls over from the friend zone back into dating territory before, but its always hard, finicky, and there's never any guarantee of even the slightest change. You've just got to be fast on your feet and know them well enough to know what their body language and tone mean.
But it's still possible. I sat a girl down who told me I was like her brother and she could never date me and asked her why I was like her brother. She told me she knew me so well that something like kissing would just feel weird. I challenged her on it and asked for a single genuine kiss.
Needless to say, she liked it a lot more than she thought she did. But I knew her well enough to know she'd say yes to the suggestion, and honestly I know how to kiss for effect, so I was able to get that part right.
The real trick here is observation and learning. If you like a girl, pay attention. Figure her out, figure out what her facial expressions and tone mean, figure out what she likes, what she thinks. Ask her about herself and encourage her answers. Follow the above, and if she has any level of latent sexual interest in you you've got a pretty damn good shot, I'd think.
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