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Bf?
ok so i ahve a bf we've been together for 9 monthes now and I am feeling really stressed about how was spend alot of time together, that is due to the fact that he is currently living at my house but will be leaving shortlye. I don't know waht feeling i am having for him i know i care for him but i gust dont know if i love him even thougth i say it. I feel as if sometinh bad is going to happen. it bugs me sometimes that he wont do anything to better himself and he is kinda lazy sometimes, i dont know if i should tell him its over or talk about it after all he is my first bf ( i am 18 he is 19 i am living at home) he all was makes my mom seem like the bad guy and her Bf as well i lvoe them dearly and i think he is trying to get my against them. i gust need some help on what i should do,,, thanks
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Relationships can be a lot of work- Hard work to keep them thriving and meaningful.
That being said, you are only 18. If you are not sure you love him and ESPECIALLY if you already consider him a bit lazy and feel he is causing issues with your mother... it sounds like it is time for you two to go your separate ways.
I do not know what you are eluding to when you say something bad may happen. You need to understand that he is not your responsibility. As a friend, if he needs help you can help him to the best of your ability but if he isn't making an effort to help himself also, that is not your problem.
Often times a person will ask for advice on their relationship and list all the pro's and con's; all the wonderful stuff about their boyfriend versus all the negative stuff. You didn't actually mention anything good. This may be a sign you are looking for that you are ready to move on- you may just be prolonging it because you are afraid of doing the wrong thing or you still care about him. You can care about him without being in a romantic relationship with him.
Assess how YOU feel. What do you love about him? Does he work hard to make the relationship work? Does he work hard in life to make himself a better man? Do you feel a few years down the road he could make a good equal partner in providing for a family; a good dad? You don't need to rush into marriage right now, you are only 18... but because you are an adult and not a little kid, your relationships are more likely going to be scoping out a potential life mate. If this guy doesn't fit the build or doesn't seem like he is going to shape up anytime soon, move on.
Under most circumstances I feel your family comes first. You suggested he says or does things that are not necessarily done good heartedly concerning your mother and her friend. I do not know your family or your situation, but as a rule I have to say you need to chose your mom over this guy.
Most of all, go with your gut. You KNOW what you feel even if you are trying to deny it to yourself. Your brain may keep telling you to work on the relationship, fight for him, etc. But what is your feeling deep inside? Do you feel stress and anxiety about meeting up with him? Do you get a feeling of dread rather than the feeling of happiness that you are about to finally see him after a long day? If you are feeling more negative feelings such as stress, anxiety, tummy aches, etc. this is your "gut" telling you to get out.
Finally I want to reiterate something. He is not your responsibility. You need to focus on yourself. Breakups are usually emotionally hard. You cannot, however, stay with him because you are afraid of how he will feel. This is in some ways an abusive situation. You are either abusing yourself emotionally because you can't let him go for fear of what HE will do... or HE is abusing you by manipulating you into staying with him with is NOT acceptable, ever! Should you decide to leave your boyfriend, you may also consider staying single for a while. Get to know yourself better and contemplate what you really WANT out of a man. Then, only look for men with those qualities- not just the cute guys that pay you attention. You deserve happiness and a good life. If a man hinders this rather than helps the effort of a good, happy life, he doesn't deserve to be in the picture.
Best of luck.
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