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He thinks I'm cheating
My boyfrend thnks I'm cheating on him.
I'm not! I shall say I'm attractive and a lot of guys like me, but i only have eyes for him. I'm also friends with mostly guys and I told him that when we first started talking and he semed to understand...
but I've told him everything imaginable how I felt and how I wasn't lying. I've even asked him if he's the on cheating and he says he's not. Today, he told me he's going to find out that I am some kind of way and I said I did not care because I'm not cheating.
& I always let him go through my phone & I go through his.
soooo... Wat can I do to prove to him I'm not? I'm sick of him saying it!
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He wants reassurance. Its his insecurity.
I'm going to go off the assumption that you do care for this guy a lot and want to work it out.
First thing is understanding, so we'll get back to insecurity.
Guys evaluate women. It's a fact of our mental processes, we relate relative merits of you to everyone else. In this case, your boyfriend has evaluated you as some level of "out of his league."
Because of this, he is paranoid about losing you, or about you finding another guy, and it makes him tense around you. The going through phones thing is actually good, its a mutually acceptable measure for reassurance, and the fact that you're both alright with it means that you both have an intrinsic desire to be trustable.
That's great. He sounds like a keeper, you just need to work on his insecurity.
So with understanding comes patience. When you see him being paranoid, realize that its not because he thinks you would do something to him, it's because he's so unsure of himself that he's not sure he will bring out the desire to be faithful in you.
A few things you can do.
- When he gets jealous, respond with gentle affection. A kiss on the cheek, a light rub, something purely sweet. Most guys jealousy stems from the physical, the worry you will stray sexually or want to. Remind him that sex isn't the only reason you're with him by being loving when he feels jealous.
- Encourage him to talk about how he feels without judgement. Tell him that you don't want to fight about it, and you don't want to upset either of you, but it's important to you to understand how he feels and why he feels that way.
- Verbally reinforce that you choose him. I started doing this a while back, and it pays off. Tell him that you aren't with him because you just don't happen to find anyone more attractive than he is at the moment. You're with him because you like him, his quirks and personality, and that you *choose* to be with him.
Above all, try and be transparent. Tell him about your friends, get him used to and comfy with the guys you're around. Restrain the flirty side I have no doubt that you have a bit when you can, and talk to him about what he's comfy with and what you're comfy with.
One of the most common occurrences of tension is when a girlfriend is more friendly with a guy friend than her boyfriend is comfy with. Ask him what makes him uncomfortable in that area, and tell him whats going on in your head in regards to the guys.
Also, if you're friends with a guy and wouldn't date him, don't be shy about sharing why with your boyfriend.
It makes him feel like he's important, because he knows things about your friends that your friends don't know about him. It makes him feel trusted and it gives him logical reasons why he's better than they are, thus they haven't got a shot in hell of beating him out with you.
Hopefully you won't have to make reasons up, but if they're convincing the effect is the same.
In addition to trying to show him that you're trustworthy, try to talk to him about his jealousy and accommodate him where you can. Try to be patient and remember that his insecurity and worries that he's not enough to keep you that are bringing this out in him, not anything about you.
He's got to learn what its like to trust someone. Give him someone to trust and lovingly but firmly reinforce the message.
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