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humorist-workshop
Is He Just Dicking Me Around?
There's this guy and I care a lot about him. We met this summer and he was really good to me from like July to December. Then, in late December he told me that he still had feelings for me, but that he wanted to be alone. I refused to leave him alone because I felt like he needed me. So, he finally ended up telling me off and we didn't talk for awhile after that.
Then in January, I myspace messaged him with a letter of closure letting him know how much I loved him, and a couple of things that I wanted to get off my chest. He wrote me back saying that he still loved me and wanted to get back together. I called him and soon enough he and I were back together. He told me that he had cheated on me on Christmas time, and that was why he broke up with me. We lasted for about a week until I broke up with him because he was acting like a jackass, even saying that he had more feelings for the other girl than he did for me. He was going through a hard time, having dreams where he killed me because I cheated on him and his little sister got shot, and his mother was going on for life-threatening surgery, he was almost diagnosed with lung cancer but instead they found out that he had a bleeding ulcer. Then, he told me that he wasn't happy in a relationship, and when I told him never to say that he loved me again, he said, “Your right, I can't love you, I don't even love myself.” This was the day after he proposed to me.
A couple of days later, I text him telling him that I was sorry for everything, and that I was going to get out of his life. He told me that he okay, but that he still loved me, and we talked for a little while. When I talked about the prospect of getting back together, he was keen on it at first. Then, he told me that he was no longer single, had started dating a girl the night that I broke up with him, and that he had loved the girl that he was now with for two years, and would appreciate it if I didn't contact him again.
I left him alone for a little while, and then for Valentines day he got me a romantic gift to initiate contact. He told me that the poem contained his true feelings for me and that he was now single, which I honestly do believe. He started treating me very, very well this time. I was really happy, we were both afraid of losing each other, he wouldn't let me leave him again when I started mentioning the girls that he told me about, he didn't even want to talk about it, and things were going really great. That was from February 12th to March 18th.
In March, he got discharged from the army. The army was basically his dream job. He wanted to be in the army for 6 years, and get out as a second lieutenant. From there, he wanted to go into the marines and eventually become a police officer. However, he shattered his ankle and his wrist when he fell 20 feet from a tower. That night he told me that he felt like a failure, that he had failed at everything, our relationship and the military (which was all he felt like he had). But let me know that nothing was changing.
The day after things did. Things changed for the worst, we got into a fight where he told me that he couldn't go without sex for four months while was in basic training. Which I don't think had anything to do with it at all. I think that he was just looking for some excuse so that he could push me away again. He told me that he had, had sex with another girl, who I later found out doesn't even exist. And, I noticed how the story about Christmas time kept constantly changing.
During that week, I text him a lot. I found out that, that girl didn't even exist, and he mentioned being afraid of getting closer to me when I asked him. Also, during that time he told me that I was right, that he didn't want to leave me but that he wanted to run away. He was talking really crazy. I guess that this was to get my attention. I called his phone to make sure that he was okay, he didn't answer, he caled me later. I told him that he really scared me, he told me that he knew and that he enjoyed hurting people, because people always hurt him. He mentioned that I had hurt him this summer when I messed around with other guys.
I wrote him a letter about a week later apologizing for the way that I had treated him this summer. He was the only guy this summer who was actually worth it, and I feel like he still is, despite everything.
He told me to call him, I did, but he didn't answer the phone, he called me. I asked him what's up, and he started making small talk with me. Talking to me about how he should probably give up smoking, he's 19 years old, has been a heavy smoker for 5 years and has been smoking for 10. Then, I asked him what he thought about that letter, he told me that he thought that I needed to stop trying to figure him out. That he thought that he figured out why he treated people like this. He thought that it was because he was in so much pain that he enjoyed putting others through the same thing. I told him that I just wanted to apologize for what I did this summer, because looking back at what I did was probably really hurtful, considering how he felt about me. Then, he told me that he wasn't entirely innocent either, and that I should have kissed his ass this summer when I had the chance to. I listened to all of this, he went off on a tangent. After going off a tangent, he told me that I was too young and naïve to understand it. I asked him if he purposely hung up on me, told him fine ignore me then, and he didn't answer. My friend told me to show him that I meant that, so I deleted him off my contacts list and haven't talked to him for like 3 day.
Here's what I did this summer, I messed around with two different guys, we did everything but have sex. That, however, was a coping mechanism because he was engaged and I didn't think that we'd be together, which he doesn't even seem to understand. And, I did even tell him that I had feelings for one of the guys but I felt like he deserved to know.
Yes, a lot of that is really immature and I understand that. Some girls have told me that they think that he's just dicking me around, but I really doubt it. A lot of other people who are experienced in the push-pull game and know about bipolar disorder think that it's probably because he wants to play that game with me, although they can' t tell if he wants to be with me or not. And, that he basically sounds like he's textbook bipolar.
So, who I should listen to the harsh critics who are telling me not to talk to him, to just drop him? Or, the people that are telling me that he might actually be really into me and want to be with me, but that he could probably just have closeness issues? Both could be right, but something keeps on backing up the latter. Either way, I think if he does call me again, I'm going to play hard to get. In my perspective my harsh critics have been wrong before. I even see images of the two of us together, and as much as I've wanted to give up, I can't ever. What should I do?
Like to me, there's a lot of evidence that he's actually really into me, despite all these games. #1- When we're talking, he wants to be on the phone with me all the time. # 2 – I feel like he tells me a lot of things that he doesn't tell a lot of people. He might even show a side of himself to me that he doesn't show other people. # 3 – He listens to me and gives me advice on certain things. # 4 – On a good day he's protective of me, wants to put a smile on my face and make me laugh. # 5 – I think it's really weird how he read my letter if he's not interested in me at all. # 6 – I think it's interesting how if he's so into hurting me, he would actually tell me that he likes hurting people. Wouldn't he play around the bush? # 7 – He'll talk about things that occur in the future all the time with me, like... he'll be like, “when I'm 21...” “15 years from now...” etcetera. Am I looking too into things or is there actually a possibility that he might actually be really into me? And yes, I do understand even if he is, he's very fucked up, but I really don't care. I just want to know what people think.
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This would not be the first time I have heard this. Yes, he very well culd be bi polar. Which means you need too make sure he gets help. When he gets medicine he could be a totally different person to you. A person that is actually able to have a relationship. But also the Military could hav caused this. A lot fo troops that have just came back suffer from the same mental disorders. I think he loves you but his mental disorder is getting in the way. But before we blame it all on him. Lets remember that you also have made mistakes. You need to realize that in his fragile state that cheating on him isn't the perfect thing to do. You alsos need to realize that if you don't think you can stay with just one person you need to let him know that as well. Because you guys are toxic to each other until he gets help. Yes you are both very immature and need too realize that this needs to stop. If you want a chance to survive as a couple. Trust is one of the main foundations that couples need.
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He may be really into you, but he is also really screwed up. Your being in his life isn't going to change things. He needs therapy and you need to remove yourself from the situation.
If you stick around, things will only get worse from here. He's young, with emotional problems and someday he will be old with emotional problems, if he doesn't get help. Emotional problems tend to get worse as time goes by without intervention. If he's bi polar, he needs medication and could be dangerous. That's unpredictable. If you stick around, you will bear the brunt of it.
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firstly WWOoOOOoOoOOWWWwwww thats alot info.
and my advice would be
think, how has he treated you before? you know him better than any of us on here. if he's allready admitted that "he doesnt love himself how can he love any one else?" how do you know that he loves himself now to give you what you need and probably deserve in a relationship?
"So, who I should listen to the harsh critics who are telling me not to talk to him, to just drop him?"
Thats a good question. The people giving you advice have 2 motives for doing so, they care for you and want you to be happy what ever way possible and they'r not emotionally attatched to the guy that your into. so they're oppinion and advice wont be blinded by love. i found that out the hard way not so long ago...
Though wouldnt trying to start fresh again with some one else be such a bad idea? if you keep trying to renew old memories with past boyfriends would you really be moving forward? or just stuck in the past? if you both are really meant to be with eachother then you will soon find that answer soon enough through your own personal thought's.
even though you see yourself with him as much as you'v wanted to give him up which would you want really more? which would you be more happy with? which would he be more happy with? If people say he's a "text book bi-polar" then your going to have to help him through his problems no matter how many problems for your relationship it takes. "I think it's really weird how he read my letter if he's not interested in me at all." it could just be curiosity to see what you'v said, being (sort of?) bi-polar makes him want to know as much information as possible to make him feel good about himself thus giving more confidence and lifting his problems out of the way a little more.
sorry if the advice isnt amazing you wrote a bunch and i'v read it like 3 times to try and get more info to better my answer. good luck
M.
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