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We want to wait, but we can't!


Question Posted Friday April 3 2009, 1:25 am

My boyfriend and I are perfect for each other. We didn't kiss for a loooong time and waited. I spent the night at his house last weekend with no intentions of even kissing but we kissed and kissed and kissed and were SO close to having sex. He really wanted to but I kept saying no (even though my body was telling me yes ! lmao!) because I want to wait & for it to be special. Later, he told me we really should wait, too. But bottom line is: we can't. I just know we can't wait. What can we do to in order to not have sex? Even by one little itty bitty touch, we're ready to get it onnnnnnnnn. hahahaha.

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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


PhilIvey answered Friday April 3 2009, 1:27 am:
Oh boy.

The sex drive isn't going to go away. The easiest way to deal with it is to find other things to occupy your mind. When you both get horny, agree to go do something else, occupy yourselves so you have other things to concentrate on.

A few words.

Sex isn't special because it's the first time, it's special because of who you're with.

And you don't wait because you want it to be more special.

Do you know why parents want their kids to wait? Sex complicates everything.

Adult relationships are hard. They require work, effort, and an eye on the eventual goal of having a mature, working relationship where you aren't at each other's throats. It takes a lot of fighting, a lot of learning to put up with someone, and a lot of compromise to reach that.

Sex adds one more thing to fight about, one more thing to resent the other person over, one more thing that can tear a relationship apart.

Let me give you an example.

One of the most common problems is once sex becomes somewhat normal in the relationship, people settle in to a groove of sexual desire. High sex drives might want sex once a day, low sex drives might only want it every week or two.

When one person wants the other person more than they feel they are wanted, it causes issues. It can feel like rejection, and is hard for both parties to overcome, because BOTH people have to compromise.

Sex is just one aspect of a relationship, and this is just ONE problem that sex can bring up. Given enough problems, enough fighting, and too little compromise a relationship can and will fail. That's why its good to wait. You want to know each other, know how you will react and what it means, and know that you can handle problems that crop up like a pair of adults.

One question, do you two talk about sex? Is it hints and vague comments or have you had a one on one dialog about what you both want and believe. If you haven't, its time. If you have, talk more.

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