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humorist-workshop
What should i do to my dificult brother?
f/14
Okay so I decided to lose my virginity at a young age. I regret it some now. Well my mom and brother found out that I wasn't a virgin anymore at 13. My mother got over it and she understands, but my brother does'nt at all. Everytime i walk in the room he says go away you slut, whore. He will just not get it out of his head and get over it. He doesn't let a day go by without mentioning it. He says a lot of hurtful things and i try to ignore all the time. But i need some advice on what should do or say to him.Thankks:)
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(...strap yourself in babe, this is a long one!)
Well, you don't need me to tell you that 13 really is a young age to be getting it on. You told me so yourself. One thing that they try to tell you when you're younger is not to have sex.
Yadda Yadda Yadda.
Without getting into the religious philosophy of the subject (because I cannot in my own moral code answer such a thing) I do not believe that there is a "right" time to lose your virginity. I think that it is a personal choice, and one that you have to make by listening to your heart. If it was the right choice, then you benefit. If not, you learn and grow from it.
So what happens? When we're about ten, they tell us the biological side of it. Sadly, some teachers don't spend enough time discussing the mental part of it. The thing is, there aren't warning signs on our genitalia that say "WARNING....USE WITH CAUTION". Although you are arguably able to have sex at your age, the emotional baggage that comes with it is just the pits. This includes the treatment you get from people like your friends, family and those you aren't on such great terms with.
I think that it's great that you were able to share with your mother your activities. And please! Keep on talking to her! It's just going to keep getting more and more rocky, and you will need her support and advice.
That being said, I think that your brother is being a total dillhole.
Now I'm not sure how old he is. It sounds like he's older, but I could be wrong.
If he is younger, then he's just in that stage where boys are totally immature and have a tendency to want to push everyone's buttons and don't really stop to think about how it can hurt. I know this because I have a brother who is turning 14 in about a week. He is the biggest pain in the ass ever. He is arrogant, foul-mouthed and can't handle critisism. This also kind of applies to boys that aren't that much younger. Truth be told, it kind of applies to boys aged 9 to about 19. More or less. He's not old enough to understand how the world works quite yet, either. No one at you age really is. Right around then, they aren't seeing the big picture. They understand and are interested in how everything works, and (much like girls for the most part) subconsciously "race" to see who knows the most, and who can do the most. Right now, his mind is focused on the really ugly side of sex. You know, like the abuse, and name calling. Girls really have the shit end of the stick in this sense, because they are the most susceptible to the abuse, whether it be physical or mental. Think about it: if it were the other way around, would you be calling him names like that? Well, you might. But he probably wouldn't be so upset about it.
I don't know what kind of relationship you to have or have had, but I'm sure that deep down inside he does care about you, as little as he seems to be showing it.
That being said, he might be a little miffed with you, and this is his way of showing it. It could be about the fact that you decided to have sex at such a young age. Maybe his friends are teasing him about it. I know that if my little sister did what you did I would totally be on her case about saftey, about the rumours that can spread etc. Maybe it's for something totally different, if at all. (what he thinks is a joke? I know I've heard it from my brother. ) In any case, he is trying to get a reaction out of you. You need to understand that what he is saying is empty and shallow. A big part of just growing up is learning the meaning of what you are saying. Resorting to petty insults and cheap shots is the mark of someone who is NOT using their head. It shows cowardice and stupidity, but don't worry, he might grow out of it .
That being said... don't simply dismiss what he is saying. He needs to learn that what he is saying is NOT RIGHT, and is really hurting your feelings. And you don't deserve that. I hope that you have told your mother what he is saying. (don't tattle or anything, that doesn't exactly help) You need to approach him yourself. You need to tell him exactly what you feel. He needs to know that you understand what you did, and what it means. Also he needs to understand that you are sensitive about the subject and are really hurt by it. Hopefully your parents can have a talk with him. Stay strong and don't let him control you. That's what he wants. Give him time, and eventually he will figure out that that's not going to happen.
I hope that this helped!! And good luck!
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