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Creepy... Am I over-reacting?
Warning: my question will be long and involved. Don't read if you're not patient.
In November, my boyfriend of two years and I broke up. Two, maybe three weeks later... I met this guy. We hit it off at first, but I made it clear that I wasn't ready to date yet and that we could only talk. He said that he was okay with that.
One weekend in January... We discovered that both of us had the weekend off, something that doesn't happen very often because both of our schedules are pretty crazy. So we decided to hang out one Saturday...
Our first date went well. There was a second date, then a third date, then a fourth date. After our last date... I realized that he wasn't long-term relationship material. V-Day rolled around... And I didn't bother to make plans. He didn't say anything either, so I figured that he wasn't as interested as I originally thought.
We're friends on Myspace. Late night, V-Day, I check my email and he's sent me a message. Basicly, he conveyed that he had wanted to see me that day but had said nothing because I hadn't dropped any hints. He also stated that he was interested in me, but wasn't sure if I was as 'into him' as he was 'into me.'
Since he seemed to want to to talk about the direction of the relationship honestly... I was honest. I tried to explain to him, in the nicest way possible, that I liked him but he really wasn't what I was looking for and that I wasn't sure if we would work out or not. I also explained that it was probably too soon for me to get serious with anyone, considering that in October of last year I was engaged and living with someone.
Several emails via Myspace were exchanged and there was a conversation. During these emails and conversations I got the feeling that he was disappointed, felt a bit foolish... And I tried my best to apologize and even made it clear that I did want to be friends. (Normally I wouldn't even attempt a friendship with someone I had dated in the past... But we only went on four dates and had only kissed a few times. I didn't think it would be a problem.)
The conclusion... He said that he would like to be friends but probably needed some space for a while. At some point I could tell that he was beginning to get really upset... But he said that he thought the reason he was so upset was not because of me, but because of his former girlfriend. (She died a year ago in a car accident.) He expressed to me that he had come to realize over the last couple of days that he really missed her, and his wanting to be close to me probably had something to do with feeling very lonely.
The conversation ended after that point. He sounded like he needed to be alone and there was nothing more I could say at that point. But I thought he and I were okay... Or going to be okay.
Later he sends me a text message saying that he's changed a few things on his Myspace page. I'm talking to a friend and checking out their page, so afterwards I take a look at his. One word: hostile. The comment, 'All women can kiss my *ss,' was posted in several places and there was one particular comment that was aimed at me, even though my name was not mentioned. I know that it was me because he eluded to something I had told him about myself.
Maybe I was just shocked because of the sudden, violent change of personality. All the time that I've been talking to him, he's come across as a very caring, gentle, and upbeat person. To see him suddenly change into a cynical, angry, hurtful person... Gave me a serious case of the creepies.
So... My first question is... Am I over-reacting? I mean... The guy has been through a lot and I can understand how he must be feeling. But his behavior just seems... Odd. Should I be worried?
And if I shouldn't be worried... Should I bother trying to be friends with him? After reading that one, particular comment... I was ready to call it quits. I mean, I've had some people really screw me over in the past, and I've never done anything like that before. Should I confront him, let him know that I was hurt and that I won't settle for such disrespectful behavior?
Thanks for reading. Please advise...
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I think I can understand what he's feeling even if I don't entirely agree with his method of expressing those feelings. It seems to me that he probably felt very alone and very abandoned after the death of his girlfriend.
From there, in an already unstable position, he entered a relationship with you. He saw things as going well, the prospect of long term companionship, and a chance to start the rebuilding process after losing his girlfriend.
Then everything fell apart fairly quickly. You did the right thing being blunt with him, but understand that it was putting more baggage onto an already unstable guy. From there the mix of emotions tend to well up in a person. The way he's acting right now is not representative of his actual personality. It's coming from a person that's feeling everything from love to hate, loneliness and regret. The mind does not work rationally in these situations.
My recommendation is to just let bygones be bygones and go on with your life. Trying to be friends is nearly impossible in my experience, at least for the next few years. It would appear that things were going well, but he would still harbor feelings about you. He'll get better eventually, but he needs time to be alone or with his friends. Just going your separate ways is the best option for both parties.
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Here's what I would do.
You should definitely tell him how you feel and put him in his place.If he didn't care when he posted that comment saying whatever,neither should you.I completely support you and you aren't over-reacting by any means.Unless he's very important to you,stay away from him,you need no such friend.
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