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He's confusing me!!
Okay so I've asked this question before but I didn't exactly word it right so I didn't really get good results, so here it is. I have a huge crush on this boy ( let's call him dave ) and he's told me he likes me, but made it clear that now is not a good time for a girlfriend, I don't really know how to explain our relationship, its pretty confusing but my friends call us "the couple that isn't dating" so that's kind of what's going on there... Anyways, one night dave and I were talking and we got onto the subject of this other boy at our school ( lets call him mark ). Now dave and mark aren't exactly friends but they are friendly, if that makes any sense. So I told dave that I didn't really like mark all that much, and dave seemed kind of surprised by this, and he asked why. Then I told dave how things went between mark and me. See, mark can be a jerk sometimes, I feel like he can be really nice and sweet but he hits on girls a ton and sometimes he takes it a little too far, which is what he did to me. At lunch he started grinding on me and pushed me against the locker, I didn't tolerate it. I tried to push him off, I couldn't, but he got the idea and stopped. I told him how out of line he was and we haven't had an incident like that since, but it still makes me mad and he continues to hit on me. When I told dave about this incident, I told him the story as an explanation for why I wasn't very fond of mark. But then dave said something that really pissed me off, dave said "mark is just tring to have some fun." now I know this is just a comment, and maybe im over sensitive but it really made me mad that dave saw the situation like that. What mark did was disrespectful and not only was dave seeing it as no big deal, but he was acting like it was okay that mark did this to me. Sorry, but I am not a toy, I get enough crap from mark and it upset me that dave would defend him like that. Dave has always been so respectful and sweet to me, so I couldn't understand how he saw the situation like that. After dave made that comment I was about to argue but dave said it was late and that he had to go. I've let too many days go by so I don't think I can really bring it up again but I don't know if this should concern me that dave said that or if you think I'm making a big deal out of it. That attitude didn't seem like the dave I know, and I don't want him to see me like that...
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I honestly don't want to sound like a slut-b.tch over here. Just giving you my point of view on this.
I have a guy at my school that is a complete, 100% horndog. He will hit on any girl anytime, regardless of whether he has a girlfriend or not. Me, I'm a pretty chill person and I'll admit that I'm not a 100% prude, pure minded person. When he does stupid, slightly perverted things aimed at me, I just go along with it jokingly, and if he takes it too far, I just push him away and call him a manwhore. But after that, I don't take offense because I know he's just that kind of a person, he didn't mean anything honest "I want to get in your pants" thoughts and he didn't mean to deliberately invade my personal space just because he thought he had the right to. He's just fooling around being the immature boy he'll eventually (if ever) grow out of.
And, yes, there are some people that are very protective about getting respect from guys. There was nothing wrong with you defending for yourself and being offended by Mark's actions. There is nothing wrong with you not having the best of relationships with Mark because of that incident.
However, I believe that a person can believe whatever he or she wants to. Dave, I'm sure, is a very nice guy, but let's face it: he is a guy. Think about it from another point of view: you had a girl friend who is a wacky person and she does a wacky thing to your guy friend and he takes offense. It's human nature to side with your gender. You're going to think (Or at least I think) that the girl just did something wacky because she's a wack job.
Dave is entitled to his opinions and as a guy, it doesn't surprise me at all that he would side with Mark. It really doesn't matter if he's the son of some divine power: he's a guy. I have a guy friend that is way too prude for me to even understand. He is the 100% gentleman that is always responsible, nice, sharing, and kind to everyone all the time. And if I were to go about complaining about the first guy to this nice guy I know, he (honestly) would say: he's just being him and thinks it's funny.
Now, your Dave might have not meant it like "he's trying to have fun, he has the right." He might have meant, "That's what he does for fun, don't take it too seriously." I don't know what tone he said it in, but sometimes what one person says can be translated different, blurred by what you were thinking and have engraved in your head concerning Mark.
Sorry this is so long. In short: Mark is a guy, Dave is a guy, it's human nature to stick with same genders. Mark is just that type of a person so he did what he usually does. Nothing was wrong of you to take offense. At the same time, I don't believe Dave meant anything suggestive when he said, "Mark is just trying to have some fun." If you just take a breather and place this situation and you stand in an outside point view and think through it carefully, I'm sure that somewhere in your heart, you will realize that Dave really, really honestly didn't mean to sound like a horndog himself or suggest that you were being too prude or anything offensive.
So just forget about this ordeal (after you think it through from an outside PoV) and go on with your daily life like this never happened =)
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First of all, You are not over-reacting you stood up for yourself and didn't let him take advantage of you and you should be proud of yourself. If "Dave" said to you "Mark" is just trying to have some fun then "Dave" sounds just as much of a jerk as "Mark" is. They are just two peas in a pod and they are just not worth your time. You are too good for them and you deserve someone who is going to treat you with respect. No woman is a boys toy and they should never be treated like one if they don't want to be. Don't let them talk you into thinking otherwise. Remember they are the ones that have no respect it isn't you.
BahaiMa22
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