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I really hate my love life.. another one of those love questions
So. this will be REALLLLY long! Ryan and i (16) have been going out for almost 4 months now. We hung out basically every day for those 4 months.. I really love him, no other guy has showed such real sympathy for me. Ryan is one of the most amazing guys in my life (hes 18). We had sex and he took my virginity. That was the most amazing moment of my life. Well. Friday night, he was giving me a pissy attitude, so i was kinda upset. Well, apparently my "best friend" told him all this false stuff and he believed it. Well. We fought ALL weekend.. and i cried ALL weekend. that song mad by ne-yo. we completely related to it. Sunday night at like 8:23, he called me.
(he broke up with me because he didnt want a girlfriend really but he still does.. he is going to college in a couple months and he really hasnt applied to any other colleges yet. he never did any school work and he has to get that in and get really good grades becuase hes failing 3 classes, if hes going to apply, he also is having problems with his dad and his mom)
me: *answers crying
ryan: ..
me: still crying* dont you have something to tell me
ryan: oi know you already know, this has nothing to do with you. for so long before i even met you, before last summer, before last winter. i never wanted a girlfriend. and then i met you. and i liked you so much. and i thought if i went out with you i figured that would go away. and i would want a girlfriend. this has nothing to do with loving you or not loving you. i cant do this. ill still be here for you. just ... i cant go on like this.
me: *scilenced for 5 mins.. i got to go.. i have stuff to do.
ryan: what?
me: i got to go...
ryan: ok, love you.
me: hangs up*
well. that was the most devistating moment of my life... it hurt so bad. i recorded it too.. i am proud of myself becuase i havent cried recently. but yesterday, he came over.. this is what happened. this is a convo with my friend..
Me
...he just left
that was the hardest thing ive ever done..
ever.
Friend
what happened?
Me:
hold on.. okay hey. he was just sitting outside of my house for a sec. so he got here. i was just sitting there. he tried to hold my hand. i took it back. he hugged me really tight. i just sat there and kept my head down. he went hysterical and ran out of my house and was likee i cant do this... and he left his jacket i ran outside barefoot. to give him his jacket he was sititingg in my driveway. and i go up to his window he rolls it open i was like well.. you want this? its kinda cold and like from his opened window he looked at me. and he was in tears. and i was like ...ryan dont cry. i opened his car and said come inside. and i held his hand and took him back into my house. and my feet were freezing so he picked me up we went into my room andi continued to hold his hand. and i thought to myself
"i thought that i would never hold this hand again" i almost started to cry but i closed my eyes and just thought about happy things like i have been. then i got up and he tried to kiss me. i turned away and he started crying again so i held his hand again. even tighter. so we were just talking. then all the sudden i find myself making out iwth him. and i thought to myself "i thought i would never taste his lips again.. ever again" so i was like almost about to cry. but then i grew a ballsack and wa slike... hapy htings. andi shut my eyes. well then we were just talking about things. not about us at all.
and he kises me and goes "i love you more then anything in my life. and im so sorry that this happpened.." and i go mmhm.. again im about to cry and i shut my eyes and just htink about happy htings. then i didnt say a word. and i guess he knew i didnt wanna hear him saying that.. he said i was breathing weird and i have been lately. so he was saying like oh when you have a sore throat you can breath differentlyy. and he started talkingabout random shit. i guess it was making him alright though. by just talking about random shit we had a like 10 min moment of scilence .again i had balls. almost started to cry. closed my eyes. and though about happy things. then we looked at the clock....5:25. he was like shit. i have to get home before my dad i was like ..... and i just like totally stopped looking at my phone put it down gave him the biggest hug ever and started crying. so when we left he kissed me on the forehead and wiped my tears and said ill go online when i get home.
..how sad is that? well. i know he still loves me. it hurts so much to walk past him in the hallways.. and to look at the clock and see that theres a min. left in class and know i am not going to be with him for the 5 min period we have in the hallways. can you tell me if this is normal? my other friend told me that clearly, were still madly in love with eachother and that we are going to get back together.. she told ryan that and he agreed (about the madly in love thing). this girl tel me every day how crazy this kid is about me..
so, this week i asked him "are we on a break, or are we broken up" he said "were kinda on a break".
- what does he mean by kinda?
- do you think that im allowed to hook up with guys? ..or should i wait a little while and see if he really wants to have me back.
- do you think that is a legit reason to go on a break/break up with your girlfriend?
- i already gave him a second chance after some girl got ontop of him and started making out with him, would you call this blowing his second chance if he asks for me back?
- last night, he also said being friends with benefits wouldn't help the situation, but he suggested we would. does that sound like hes trying to get with another girl? i told him no because i want him to chase after me.. was that the right kind of answer? no matter how much i love him im not going to bow down and show him how desperate i am for him back.. i want him to chase after me. is that right?
- on AIM and texting he still says i love you and he still send me hearts.
- the night he broke up with me he sent me an email that said I LOVE YOU LAURA <333 like 3487639846739684739 times, no joke..
- why is he playing mindgames with me?
please help. i need it to bad. im actually in love with this kid.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think when he says "kinda" he is trying
to be polite. He has already said he never
wanted a girlfriend. You have to take him
at his word and move on. If you don't you
may be waiting for a long time, and you
don't need that.
He hopes to be off to college. He wants
to be free to explore the possibilities.
Its not uncommon or a bad thing. I know it
hurts you. Thats the bad thing. He is trying
to be honest with you. Letting you know
it is not your fault, he cares for you and
may even love you. Just not the way you
want him to. If you want to hook up with
other guys, do it. The time just isn't right
for a serious relationship with this guy.
I think he has blown his chance for now.
He has a history of behaving badly. He is
not ready for a serious relationship.
Friends with benefits never works for the
one who is in love. I don't suggest you
even start that. He'd be free to date but
have you on the hook if he has the need
and can't get it elsewhere. It leaves you
hoping and getting your heart broken not
just once but many, many times. He has
already told you "it won't help the
situation" That tells me he has no intention
of getting back together. BUT, if you want to
be there he will accommodate.
You can try but he won't chase. Consider
anything he does now as a need for sex.
I hate to be crude but that's all he wants.
A warm place with you when he isn't getting
it elsewhere.
He may love you to some extent. He may
just be keeping you available. Don't play
that game. It may be a good idea to stay
clear away from him for a while until you
can see it for what it is.
I don't know if its mind games exactly but
he is manipulating you to a certain extent.
He has said its over, you aren't accepting
it exactly since you still give him the time
of day. He is using your feeling for him to
his advantage. Some guys just don't like to
do without sex. Some guys get off on some girl
thinking they are the greatest thing to walk
the planet.
I know you love him, but put yourself first.
I think you are just prolonging something
that you need to move forward from. Best
of luck. :)
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I dont doubt for a second that you love him. It seems like you love each other very much. However... Your first point was basically: if we're on a break is it ok to hook up with other guys... You need to ask him that. Perhaps you BOTH need to hook up with other people then get back together. Alot of people who are crazy in love break up for short periods of time to play the field and go back, just to they dont cheat.
He seems definitely to be playing games with you. Maybe not intentionally, but its happening. Ask him outright: "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
Dont get your friends to do the talking for you either because it shows you're weak.
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