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It's Ruining Our Relationship
So, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year. We're both completely serious about our relationship, and we don't plan on breaking up any time soon. But the problem starts at this: He's on the basketball team. Innocent enough, right? Wrong.
The coach works them through the mill every day, and I never get a chance to see him outside of school. Before he joined basketball, he was really a good person to be around, plus he was in the same theater troupe as me. But now, he is always stressed and doesn't want to talk to me as much anymore. And he's probably going to get kicked out of the troupe because he misses so many practices due to basketball.
The thing is, he keeps on saying he wants to quit, but his parents refuse to let him. They are convinced that he should just suck it up and do what he's told. This emotional rift between my boyfriend and his parents is already ruining our relationship, because no matter what, they refuse to let him quit even if he begs.
This whole ordeal is totally screwing with my head. We both got called to the principal's office today because we blew up at each other in the hallway; him saying that his parents refuse to let him quit and asking what it is I wanted from him, me saying that he made a commitment to the troupe way before he joined basketball and that he had to keep that commitment until the end. All of my previous emotional depression is storming right back in, and I can't go a whole day without crying because he's never there for me.
I don't want to break up. That's 100% certain. I definetly love him, and if we do end up splitting because of this, I'll never forgive my self. So please, send me your advice!
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At some point in almost every relationship (usually right around a year) the couple has an issue that can make them stronger or tear them apart. You have said you don't want to break up, so the other option is to make your relationship stronger. You do have a valid point about his prior commitment to the troupe, but alot of parents will place a bigger emphasis on sports because they feel as if it bodes better on a college application. The truth is, unless your boyfriend is a standout basketball player, his time in the troupe will probably stand out more on his resume. But, none of that really matters because his parents call the shots. Like he said to you in the hallway, there is nothing he can do about it. Here are ways to make your relationship stronger...
1. You say that every time you see him he is so stressed out, but some of that could be because the two of you are arguing. Girlfriends have a huge impact, and you can make his whole day or break it. When you do get together try to put your arguments aside and have a good time for the little bit you get to see eachother.
2. Find something to so with your time even if it sometimes cuts into the time you will get to see him. At the very least it will give him a taste of how you feel. Most people get into a relationship and focus most of their energy on that. They don't hang out with their friends as much, start hanging out with your friends when he's at practice.
3. Go to his practice sometimes if you can, and go to his games and cheer your head off. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
4. Be a part of the game, tell him that all of the baskets he gets that night are going to be a symbol of his love for you. Each basket could turn into a little secret "I love you" that only the two of you know about.
5. Tell him he can't get rid of you that easily because you're in for the long haul. Tell him that you can't help getting frustrated sometimes because you miss him, but you know he can't do anything about it, and you can't promise you won't still get pissed off about it, but you will try to be more understanding.
Before you know it basketball season will be over and things will be back to normal.
One thing you don't want is for his parents to catch wind of this whole argument because they are obviously strong-minded, and they might think that you are trying to control their son. You can't be sure, but it sounds as if his parents might feel as if he is only asking to quit the team to make you happy, which is why they are so adamant about him continuing while allowing him to quit the troupe.
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It seems like you and your boyfriend are going through a "rough patch" and sports can cause problems in relationships, so i see where you're coming from [my ex. was a lacrosse and basketball freak haha] and it totally sucks that his parents won't let him quit, but you have to support him because you know how he feels about the situation. and it shows that he cares about what you think because he legit begs his parents to let him quit, which he is doing for himself and YOU. But truthfully, the problems with his parents are his problems, and even though you care, if you interfere, you're asking for trouble. yuh know? And I understand why you don't want to end it, because you are in love with him and he makes you happy. if you can't see eachother then e-mail eachother, call one another, try to see eachother in school and if a basketball practice or game is canceled, make sure you two spend that break together. just think, basketball season won't last forever, so if you can just bear through it for a little while, then you'll be good to go and he can spend more time in the troupe. He clearly knows that his involvment in the troupe is important to you, and you have to give him credit for trying his best to squeeze it in for YOU. have you noticed that he is fighting with his parents, trying to mkae you happy, trying to go to the troupe as much as possible, trying to quit basketball, all for YOU. because he loves you too. Don't forget that part. In my opinion, it's not the end of the world and you guys can get through it. Just talk calmly about these issues with eachother and make the best of a crummy situation :] hope i helped and good luck! if you need anything else, feel free to inbox me xxo :]
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